Part 42
From the corner of my eyes I could see Sayeeda and Amma
hugging each other, a congratulatory hug, no doubt. I wondered how happy Amma
really was! She had always wanted me to marry a Kashmiri girl and her dreams
were shattered. Moreover, she had wanted a grand Kashmiri wedding for me. That
dream also had been ground to the dust. I knew, Amma was putting up a brave
face and pretending to be overjoyed but inwardly she must have been feeling her
whole world going upside down. Abdul Sahab had heard out Babuji and without
asking any questions had agreed to take
care of everything. I was sure, there must have been many questions and doubts
in his mind but it went to his credit that he did not express them. The
delicacy of the situation was not lost upon him. He gave me a very knowing
look, telling me that he could guess the truth.
After the assurances, given by Abdul sahib, Babuji looked a
very relieved man and for the first time since the time we had seen Bhaisahab
off, I could see a look of happy contentment on his face. Dinner was served and
all of us ate slowly, without really
showing any interest in what we were eating or how good or bad the food was. This
was highly unlike Kashmiris but the
situation was not a normal one. Not much was said and we soon got ready to wash
our hands. Kashmiris, being rice eaters and non vegetarians hardly ever used
spoons or forks. We always ate with our hands and it was customary to wash our
hands with soap before and after meals.
“We must wake up Khalid now; he hasn’t had anything for a
long time. He needs to eat, fill up a thali for him”, Babuji told Amma. As Amma
went into the kitchen, Babuji himself got up and sat down beside Khalid.
“Khalid, it is me, your Babuji, get up and have dinner.” Babuji
spoke very gently and even more gently shook him by the shoulder. Khalid let
out a small cry of pain, opened his eyes and the moment he saw Babuji, he
forgot all his pain and sat up in a sitting posture. He held Babuji by the
hands and started weeping. Tears flowed down copiously down his blood stained face.
Ever since he came back, he had groaned and he had moaned but he had not let
his emotions get the better of him. The sight of Babuji worked as some kind of
a catharsis.
“Oh, Babuji, you are back, they did not beat you, did they,
no they must not have, had they touched a hair of your head, Allah kasam, I
would have killed each one of them. I don’t mind their beating me up but I will
not tolerate anyone hurting you”, Khalid was unable to hold back his tears.
Babuji put his arms around him and tried
to console him with loving and comforting words. Meanwhile, Amma came and
handed over the thali to Babuji. Babuji
held the thali in his hands and started feeding Khalid with his own hands. I
was astounded. Babuji had never hand fed me and I doubt whether he had ever
hand fed any of his children. And here he was, feeding Khalid, putting each
morsel of rice into Khalid’s mouth with great care and affection. It was a very
touching scene and I don’t think there was a single dry eye in the room. I
could see Abdul sahib also wiping away a tear or two. With so much love in one’s
heart, why did anyone need to take recourse to violence? I wished fervently
that all of us would live together like this forever and ever.
“Hey, Abdul saheb,
you should go home now and remember what I told you. The whole responsibility
is yours now and one thing more, please don’t tell anyone about it till I ask you to do so,
understand?”
“Don’t you worry Babuji, I will take care of everything. You
relax and have a good night’s sleep”. Abdul said and then asked Sayeeda to come
along. I saw them off till the gate. Before he headed towards his
house, Abdul Sahab patted my cheeks.
“As naughty as ever, eh, Bittuji!’ ? Were his good night
words.
He was right; I had been a very naughty child, very
notorious in my neighborhood. Almost everyone knew me and my antics. I had been
obduracy personified. Amma used to give in to each and every demand of mine,
reasonable or unreasonable. None of my uncles or aunts dared to scold me; they
knew Amma’s wrath would descend on them mercilessly. I was a spoilt brat who had
got the best of everything in his life just because Amma and Babuji never
denied me anything. Was I still behaving like that same old stubborn child? Was my insistence upon marrying Anita and
that too in this manner, a result of my age long obduracy? I had always had my
way and in this case also It seemed that I would succeed in getting what I wanted.As
a child I had never bothered about how much hurt I was causing others and I
felt I had not changed at all. How could I fail to realize that my decision to
marry Anita, my failure to stop her from coming to Srinagar was causing
terrible pain to babuji and Amma and I was sure Bahuji and Lalaji would also be
equally hurt and yet I seemed to have no qualms about whatever I had determined
to do!
With these thoughts in my mind, I went inside, not before
bolting the main gate from inside, a job which Khalid would perform every day.
When I entered the room, Khalid had gone back to sleep, Babuji was sitting in
his usual place and Amma was sitting by his side. It was obvious they had been
talking about something but the moment I entered they stopped. I knew they had
been talking about me.
“Bittuji, we will let Khalid sleep here tonight. It will be
painful for him to climb the stairs in this condition. Go up to his room and
get a blanket for him”, Babuji directed me. I ran up the stairs, grabbed a blanket
from Khalid’s room and rushed downstairs. I put the blanket over Khalid, saw to
it that he was comfortable and went over to sit by Amma’s side. It had been a
long day, so many things had happened, so many events had taken place during
the day which had left all of us mentally and physically exhausted. I was young
so felt relatively fresh. Another reason for my lightheartedness was the way Babuji
had made all the arrangements for Anita’s stay in Srinagar. It seemed all my
wishes were being fulfilled so what was there to worry about. I realized I was
being very selfish, perhaps I was selfish, maybe selfishness had always been a
part of my nature but I did not care and why should I? I was getting everything
on a platter.
‘It is very late now, time to go to sleep”,Babuji said and
got up, he was certainly in some kind of pain which was clear from the way he
stood up. He took the support of the wall behind him, something which he never
used to do and did not get up with his usual alacrity. Wasn’t I the one who was
responsible for all this? It was for my sake that Babuji had that angry
exchange of words with Mr. Suri. It was because of my love for katlams that had
made Khalid suffer and same love which had exposed babuji to the threats of the
army. If all this had not been enough, I had put a heavy burden on everyone’s
shoulders by my tacit silence over the coming of Anita. I could sense the
mental agony which both Babuji and Amma were going through. In spite of all
this, I was happy, happy that my Anita was going to be in Srinagar in a day’s
time, happy that Babuji and Amma would
get me married to her and my happiness had totally blinded me to the suffering
which my self- obsessed mulishness was causing the people who loved me the
most. At that time, I found nothing wrong with my actions; I was doing it for
the sake of love, wasn’t I? Hadn’t I heard that everything was fair in love and
war? So in what way was I at fault? Does love really make a person as blind as
I had become?
I went up the stairs along with Babuji and Amma and into
their room. It was huge, with a big balcony on one side and two big windows in
the other. On the left hand side of the room ,lay two big beds and on the right
hand side a big carpet had been laid for people to sit. The room also had a
store room and a dressing room attached to it. This was undoubtedly the best
room in the house with the finest and one of the most artistic wood carved
false ceilings one could ever come across. How wonderful it would be if Anita
and I got this room as a wedding gift? Bittu, oh Bittu, how selfish can you
get!
I recalled how in my school days Babuji and sometimes Amma
would ask me to press their feet and legs before going to sleep.
“Babuji, would you like me to press your feet, I think you
need it tonight?”I asked .This was perhaps the only unselfish gesture of the
whole day, on my part. I was only too happy when babuji refused and asked me to
go to my room. I wished them both good night and hurried up to my room as if
Anita was waiting for me there. I jumped into bed without bothering to change,
so excited and thrilled was I at the prospect of meeting Anita. Not a thought
did I spare for poor Khalid, not a tear did I shed for Babuji’s and Amma’s
plight and not a pang of remorse did I feel at the events of the day which had
all taken place because of me. I don’t think I was ever as selfish as I was at
that time. My mind was completely occupied by Anita’s pleasant appearance in Srinagar.
Never for a moment did I doubt that she would not come!
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