Who Is She, Part 51

I sat in the dark with all sorts of dark thoughts flooding my mind. I had no idea about the time as it was impossible for me to see the time on my watch in the total darkness that filled the room. I don't know how long it was before the door  opened again.. The first thing I noticed was the light outside. Some of it filtered into the room. A soldier walked in, i could not see his face, the thing I observed was that he was another of those tall ones. He put a plate in front of me and left. He didn't say a word and I was also not in a mood to say anything. I was in a state of complete desperation. The torture I had been terrified of , had not taken place, at least so far, nobody had asked me anything, as a matter of fact, nobody had talked to me at all. They had brought me here for questioning, or that is what they said, The whole day had passed and I had not been asked one single question. What then was the purpose of bringing me here? I had been in Kashmir for over a fortnight now, why pick me up on the very day I had been going to meet Anita? Was the army in some kind of a conspiracy with Anita's father? Were they acting on the instructions of that senior officer of theirs? A lot of questions and no answers. Suddenly i thought of the plate in front of me. By now I had become accustomed to the dark so I could see the plate full of rice and  there was some gravy on top of the rice, wasn't able to see what it was. By now, my hunger had become uncontrollable. I was unable to control myself. My despair took a back seat and my craving for food overtook everything else. I looked at my hand, which I had not washed since the morning,. I never ate without washing my hands thoroughly, but this OCD of mine took leave of me at that time and i pounced upon the rice.
 The moment I put the first handful of rice into my mouth, I realised iit was mutton, not the Kashmiri rogan josh but, what we called, the Punjabi rogan josh, with lots of onions, garlic and tomatoes. The taste hardly mattered, what mattered was that I was having rice for the first time that day. I finished the entire meal in no time. I noticed a glass of water by the side of the plate, I washed my hand with it , using the plate as the washing bowl, which, we Kashmiris, were quite used to.
Now started the night vigil. I had it in my mind, that tortures took place in the night only so now I knew they would come in any time. It had started becoming chilly. After all, autumn was slipping by and winter was about to set in. In Kashmir, the autumn could be quite cold, particularly in the night. I was wearing just a shirt and no sweater. It had promised to be a sunny day so i had not  felt the need of wearing anything warm over the shirt. Whether the day, had turned out to be a sunny one or not, it was difficult for me to say, confined as i had been inside the house the whole day, one thing was very clear, for me, it had been dark cloudy day.I had  lost the sense of time completely so I have no idea what time the door opened and two men entered. They lifted me up , holding me by the arms.
" Time to go buddy", one of them said, in a surprisingly pleasant tone. Go where, I wondered but I did not ask.
 They took me downstairs, out through the main door and then out of the main gate. Where were they taking me? They must be having a secret torture chamber somewhere. That is where I was headed for, This time there was no Jeep but an armoured truck. They bundled me into it , thankfully in the front, I would have found it difficult to get into the back. One of the men sat by my side and the other  took the wheels. We drove off, I had no idea where we were going. There were no street lights. I could not make out the route the driver was taking. All I could manage to see were shadows of tall houses on both ides of the road and the shapes of tall popular trees,
Just a few minutes must have passed, when the truck came to a stop. So the inquisition was about to start. We had reached the hellish chamber. This time I was not dragged out, I was asked to get off, that too very politely. I got down, and to my utter surprise, i saw that I was standing right in front of my house. The truck drove off, the men did not even say a good bye, not that I would have wanted them to. I was happy to be home, happy to have been saved the pain I was afraid I would be subjected to. At the same time, the whole thing appeared to be one big mystery. they pick me up in the morning, accusing me being in cohorts with militants, they keep me confined the whole day, do not ask me a single question, and then they bring me back. If this was all they had to do, why do it at all? Why had they taken me away for no reason at all?The conspiracy theory started doing the rounds of my mind again.
 I walked up to the main gate, knowing it would be bolted from inside, it always was during the night. It was pitch dark, I could barely see anything. I knew it must be quite late, but it was not possible for me to see what time it was. What would Babi Ji and Amma be thinking? I was sure they must be awake. How could they sleep when their beloved Bittu ji had gone missing and everyone knew what it meant to go missing in Kashmir. One might be in the hands of the militants, or in the clutches of the army, in either case, expecting a return was like looking forward to a miracle.
As I was about to bang at the gate, the sound of a knock would not have reached inside, I noticed that the gate was a little ajar. That was very surprising indeed. How come the gate was open? Maybe, Abdul Sahib must be inside. He would have been with Babu Ji at such a distressful time. I pushed open the gate and walked inside, closing and bolting the gate behind me, as had been my habit since childhood. I looked up at the windows, they were all dark. In any case, the rooms whose windows opened towards the front were all unoccupied. the inmates had long left Kashmir. Babu Ji's room was on the other side, not visible from the gate. The windows of the small baithak were to my left, I was walking past them, but nobody sat there any longer. the windows of the big baithak could not be seen from where I was standing. I climbed up the steps of the verandah, about six of them, very very slowly. Somehow, I didn't want to make any sound. Two doors opened out on to the verandah, one was the main entrance door and the other was one of the two doors of the big baithak. The lights in the room seemed to be on, which meant they were sitting there and hoping I would make a miraculous appearance. I knocked at main door. We had no call bells, never felt the need or nobody really thought of having one. Being a big family, a lot of relatives and friends would keep streaming in the whole day, from morning to evening. If the door had been bolted, one would have to get up every second minute to answer the bell so it was kept open the whole day.
I lifted up my right hand and knocked at the main door. I knocked hard as I was sure everyone would be asleep and it would take some real noise to wake them up. Then I realised, it was not possible for them to sleep, how could they when they must be worried about what had happened to me. My first knock produced no result. I knocked again and the door opened. Khalid was standing in front of me. He gave me big warm smile and a warm hug. We, Kashmiris, are very fond of hugging. We feel love cannot be expressed fully without giving the other person a good tight hug,
" Bittu Ji, Wunkenas kithken, yoota cheer?" ( How come you have come so late) He walked in front of me and l followed him to the living room. Babu Ji and Amma were busy putting morsels of rice into their mouths, they were eating as if nothing had happened. It was a normal everyday scene. How could they be  normal, so calm and composed when their Bittu Ji had gone missing?
" Bittu Ji, how come you are here and that too at this time?" It was Babu Ji, with a slight look of surprise on his face but no expression of joy at my return. It appeared I had gone out somewhere in the neighbourhood and I was not expected to come back at that time.
" You were supposed to stay there for the night, why did you come now? Moreover, this is hardly the time to be moving around. You know, it is already past ten and with what the conditions are like, nobody goes out at this time/ Were you not stopped by the police or the army? How did come here ? It is impossible to get a conveyance at this time. Why didn't you stay for the night as planned ?" Babu Ji went on speaking without giving me a chance to speak. His words baffled me. Where was i supposed to stay for the night? Did they know I was at the army camp and had expected me to be kept under detention the whole night? That could not be. In that case, they would have been tense to the core, they would not have been eating so normally and peacefully/ Where was I  supposed to have stayed for the night?
" Babu Ji, where do you think I was?' I finally managed to ask.
" At the hotel, of course, with Prakash and Anita." Babu Ji answered. The answer confounded me. How on earth did they assume I was at the hotel? And If they had thought I had really gone to the hotel, what made them think I would not be coming back the same day? As planned, Babu Ji had said. Planned by whom?
"Babu Ji, do you think I was at the hotel?'
" Of course, where else would you be? That is where you had gone" Babu Ji, said in a matter of fact tone.
" And who planned that I would be spending the night there and not coming back today?"
 " You did. You have always done what you wanted to. You didn't bother to even ask, you just informed us" A slight note of irritation had crept into Babu JI's voice.
" I informed you? When did I talk to you?" I asked, completely stupefied.
" Why would you talk to us? Why would you even bother? You are so besotted by that Punjabi girl, what is her name, yes, Anita, that you didn't even have the courtesy to inform us that you had reached the hotel. You knew, we would be worried but meeting that girl made you forget us, as if we didn't exist." Babu Ji had started getting a little angry, but why, what had I done?
" If I didn't talk to you, then who told you I would be staying the night at the hotel?"
" Your friend, Prakash, who else? He rang up and told us if we would allow you to stay at the hotel for the night as a sudden curfew had been imposed in the area and it would not be possible for you to come. Couldn't you have talked to us yourself?" Now this was a little too much for me to take. I realised I was still standing. I took off my shoes and sat down beside Amma. She had not said a word so far. Was she also annoyed with me. But no. she put her free hand around my shoulders and kissed me on the forehead.
Clouds seemed to be lifting a little bit but at the same time things were getting curiouser and curiouser. Prakash had rung them up. He had not said a word about my not having reached the hotel. On the contrary, he had told them I would be spending the night at the hotel. No, the clouds had not lifted, they had become thicker and darker.darker. Prakssh knew very well I had not reached the hotel. If he had called, he would have called to find out why I had not come, as promised. Instead, he talked to Babuji and told him a bundle of lies/
. Why would he do that? Why would Prakash tell lies? What reason did he have to do that? When I had not arrived at the hotel as planned, Praksh and Anita would have felt concerned. They would have waited for sometime and the the only thing they would have done was to call me and gind out why I had not come, what had delayed me? After all, they were supposed to be all packed and ready to come to my place. I had told Prakash to check out and wait at the reception. He might have waited till nine but after that he would have taken the only course open to him. He would have rung up my place.
 And ring up he did, didn't he? But why didn't he tell Babu Ji about my non appearance at the hotel? Why did he say, I was with him and would be staying for the night? Suddenly, another thought struck me. Prakash knew I was coming to pick them up. I did not turn up. He waited and then rang up my home. What would have been his normal question, what would he have wanted to know? Obviously, he would have asked Babu Ji, why I had not come? Had I left home or not? Why was I held up? These are things he would have wanted to know. But what does he do. He rings up to say that because of a sudden curfew having been clamped down in the area, I would not be able to come home. How did he presume that I had left my home? He had no way of knowing whether I was at home or not, yet he talked to Babu Ji, fully aware of the fact that I had left for the hotel.
" What time did Prakash call?" I asked with impatience.
" Around one, I think, we were having our lunch at that time."
Praksh was expecting me at the hotel at 8.30. He would have waited till 9 or 9.30 and then called but no, he didn't do that. He rang up at 1 and did not say a word about my not having reached the hotel. Something was terribly wrong, terribly terribly wrong.

Who Is She-Part 50

The Jeep drove through the lanes of Karan Nagar. The driver seemed to be in some kind of a hurry. he was really driving fast. He could afford to as the roads were totally deserted, just a few people here and there, mostly people carrying bags of rotis for breakfast. I had no idea where they were taking me, had no clue where the headquarters were and had no interest in knowing. I sat, holding my head in my hands, in complete despair. What had promised to be the beginning of wonderful day for me had turned into a nightmare. Anita must be waiting for me. In another half an hour's time I would have had her in my arms but here I was in the arms of these monsters, that is what they appeared to me at that time..What would Anita think when I failed to make an appearance at the appointed hour?What would Prakash do? they would wait for an hour at the most and then ring up my home. I wondered what Babu Ji would tell him. I had absolutely no idea whether anyone had seen me being taken away by the army. Although, I had shouted out to Babu Ji, I had no way of knowing whether he had heard me. I hadn't noticed any kind of vehicle outside the gate which meant that the taxi had not come till then. nobody had seen me being taken away so they would presume I had gone to the hotel as planned. eventually they would come to know, they must have come to know by now that I had not gone to the hotel The Taxi must have arrived and that would be enough for them to know that something was amiss, but would they assume i had been forcibly taken away by the forces? They might think that I had been so impatient to meet Anita and had left on my own. Nobody had any reason whatsoever to think that I was in the custody of the army, So help would not be coming, at least, not for quite some time.
My reverie was broken by the screeching of the brakes as the car came to a sudden halt, I looked out and saw we were still in Karan Nagar,, very close to Kaka Sarai, a neighbouring colony. Almost all the houses bore a deserted look, Doors shut, windows closed, no activity of any kind, clearly suggesting there was no one inside these houses. The two soldiers who had been sitting across me, pushed me out of the jeep, they gave me such a shove that I stumbled and would have fallen face down on the road had I not somehow managed to maintain my balance. They took me to a huge house to the right of the road. All houses were huge, there was hardly any house in Karan Nagar of less than three stories but this house was bigger than the others. It belonged to the Kauls, the well known businessmen of Kashmir, they were supposed to be very rich, Sandeep Kaul, had been a close friend, he was one of the sons of the family, I used to visit his place often and we had played a lot of cricket on the huge lawn inside.  As i looked up at the house, rather listlessly, I noticed it was in a very poor shape. All the windows were open, most of the broken, the boundary walls had been pulled down and the walls had been replaced by bunkers manned by gun holding army men. The place seemed like a war zone and it scared me.I was taken through the open gate, sorry the missing gate, the two soldiers by my side holding me tightly by the arms as if I would try to escape, They knew I had no chance of even thinking of an escape and yet they were behaving like they had a dangerous terrorist in their custody. We went inside the house, and i was pushed into a room, a big room, it had been the main drawing room of the house, expensive furniture had adorned the room, furniture made out of walnut wood but now the room was completely bare. The only furniture was a big office table, an executive chair and couple of ordinary wooden chairs. Behind the table, sat a handsome broad shouldered man, I could see that he was a captain.
"Sir, here he is, sir" The use of 'sir' twice in a very short sentence, army rules or mere sycophancy, i wondered.
" You can go now" the captain ordered.
" Sir" they shouted in unison, made an about turn and left. The captain and I were all alone in the big room.
Without bothering to seek permission, I sat down on the first chair I saw. My temper had started rising. I was in no mood for any kind of politeness.
"Why have you brought me here? Am I under arrest? What are the charges against me? What have I done? I have a right to know." I almost shouted.
" Don't raise your voice, Rahul, that is your name, isn't it? You are in an army camp, a camp set up to protect the country from traitors, from all those who are a threat to the unity and the integrity of India," I looked at him closely. There was an intense look in his eyes. He would make a perfect politician, the way he used these cliches.
" What am I supposed to be, a traitor?" I asked, rather belligerently.
" I would surely call you one, the way you have been hobnobbing with enemies of the nation." He took out a cigarette, lit it with a very expensive looking lighter and took a deep puff, and threw out rings of smoke, the way film actors do. His must have nourished a desire to join the films but somehow landed in the army. The cancer stick was doing him harm but he was least concerned about exposing me to the danger of passive smoking. Callous man.
" Hobnobbing with the enemies of the nation? Great use of words, captain but that is what they are, mere words and nothing else. You must have picked them up from some Hollywood flick, I know you people are very fond of watching English movies or so I heard, right captain?" There was no fear in my heart now, all I wanted was to get back at these people for having prevented me from meeting my love. How could I forgive them? I knew what was in store for me. They would soon take me to a small room, start questioning me and without waiting for my answers , would start lashing out at me with their hands, feet and other weapons. I recalled the state  Khalid had walked into the house after having spent a night in this place. I was sure my condition would be worse.
" Mind your language, Rahul and don't  talk to me like that. Don't forget you are speaking to an officer of the Indian Army."
" How can I forget , captain? Only you people are capable of hounding innocent men. I had heard lots of stories about the way you deal with the local people here, at first I never believed any of them. Then came the Khalid incident, you know Khalid, don't you captain? And now this. I have no doubt in my mind that I am talking to an officer of the glorious Indian army. Now, would you mind telling me why I am here?" There was anger in my voice and sarcasm in my words which the captain must not have missed at all.
" Don't you dare talk to me like that, Rahul and don't insult the Indian Army. The army is here for a specific purpose. Kashmir is in danger. The people her are anti Indian, they are all Pakistanis at heart. They want to go with Pakistan and we cannot allow that. We have to teach them a lesson, such a lesson that they will forget the very existence of Pakistan. And, I don't understand one thing, why are you sympathetic towards them? You  had to leave your homes because of them. Your people are rotting and dying in various migrant camps in Jammu, all because of these locals and yet you support them. You are behaving like a traitor to your own people" The captain almost shouted out all this.
" Captain, they do not want Pakistan, you are woefully mistaken about what they really want. You know very well they are asking or demanding independence. Is there anything wrong in asking for freedom, it is their right, isn't it? Anyway, I don't want to get into all this , just tell me the reason you have brought me here."
" Your words betray you. You clearly support these locals and who knows you might be a part of some terrorist outfit. We have to find that out , haven't we, Rahul? We have brought you  here because we suspect you of harbouring terrorists and helping them in their nefarious designs."
" What nonsense, me and helping the terrorists, how dare you make such a charge against me? I am against all forms of violence. I have been a great fan of Gandhi and I strongly believe in non violence. I hope the soldiers know who Gandhi was, I am sure a lot of them must not have even heard of him." I said with heavy sarcasm.
 "Don't teach Gandhi to me, you idiot. If we follow Gandhi, we will all be dead. I don't want to waste time with you, I have more important things to do. At present I have to leave immediately. We have information that a family has given shelter to some militants, so we are going to raid that house. You will stay here till I come back. A team of officers will question you and find out who your contacts are. Once they are done with you, you will be singing like a canary, yes you will" He lay back in the chair and stared laughing.
I had no doubt in my mind what he meant. they were planning to torture me, I had read about the way people were tortured, I had heard lots of stories about how merciless these people could be, I had also heard that a lot of people had died during interrogation. I will not say that I wasn't sacred. I was terrified. More so, as I had nothing to tell them. I did not know a single militant, I had no idea about what they were planning and these people would not believe me and keep on beating me till I told them something, but what could I tell them? I started shivering. Was it because of the cold or was it because of fear? I told myself, it was the former. I was not a coward, had never been one. I wanted to believe I was a hero, Heroes can never be cowards.
The captain called one of his juniors and asked him or ordered him to take me inside, I thought I was already inside so which inside was the captain talking of? I would soon know the answer. A tall soldier, I had not seen him earlier, yanked me off the chair, held me by the arm and dragged me out of the room. I was taken to the first floor and throw into a room. Ironically, it happened to be Sandeep's room where we had spent wonderful moments together, talked, laughed, played cards, carom, chess and other games. It had been a very aesthetically furnished room. I always used to envy the beautifully designed writing table , the book shelves, the ornate bed by the side of the window, the posters of Sandeep's favourite film stars and cricketers ordaining  the wall but as I looked around, there was nothing. the room was completely bare, not even a chair, just the worn out carpet on which I had fallen down when pushed hard by that tall soldier
I got up, in a daze, walked up to the window. I looked out , expecting to see the lush green lawn and the flower beds all around it but all I could see bunkers and sand banks with soldiers everywhere. Nobody could have ever imagined that there had ever been anything else there. Dismayed further by what I saw, I walked to a corner of the room and sat down, resting my back against the wall. I had no idea how much time had elapsed since I had been yanked away from my house. Suddenly, I remembered I had a watch. I looked at it, it showed 11.25. Anita had expected me at the hotel around 8. What must she be thinking ? Prakash, I was sure would have had talk with Babu Ji and I wondered whether Babu Ji had any idea where I was. Prakash's phone call would have told them that I had not reached the hotel, so all of them, Babu Ji, Amma, Khalid and Abdul Sahib must be worried. Considering the present atmosphere in the city, i was sure, they must be very tense indeed. How would they know where I was, who would tell them? Had the taxi come? If it had. it must have come after my disappearance. The taxi driver could have only told them that he had not seen me. I supposed they would wait for sometime and then go to the police. Would the police be able to locate me? I doubted it. The police hardly ever knew what the army was up to. Here I was in the clutches of the army with no hopes of any one coming to my rescue. Despair hit me hard. I would have been with Anita, I should have been with her but instead here I was sitting on the carpet of an empty room with no immediate hope of getting out of there. And then there was the fear, the fear of the door opening, army men rushing in and trying to beat the hell out of me. I glanced at the door but it was still closed. I lay there for a long time, don't remember how long, when the door opened. I looked fearfully at the man standing there. he was alone and he had a plate in his hand, a plate full of food. He put it down in front of me and left without saying a word.
I was not hungry at all, how could I be? But I couldn't help taking a look at the plate. There was some rice, just a little bit, by my standards, a couple of chapatis, a bowl of dal and some vegetables. If I had been hungry, I wouldn't have bothered to touch the plate.There was nothing in it which would have tempted my taste buds. In any case, the fact was, I had no desire for food.
I have no idea how long I sat there, thinking, my thoughts flitting like a butterfly, moving around from one place to another but mostly focused around Anita. In a few days time, we were going to get married, She had specially come all the way from Chandigarh, having full faith in me, trusting me fully, believing in me and here I was, sitting helplessly, unable to do anything.
Time passed by, I waited for my inquisitors to arrive but none came. Somebody came with a cup of tea, not Kehwa but Lipton Tea, as we, Kashmiris used  to call it. Kehwa and Noon Chai were Kashmiri teas and the others were all Lipton, no matter which brand they might be. I could feel rumblings inside my stomach so I picked up the cup and drained it empty, almost in one gulp, it was not even hot. I thought of having a chapati and tried to pick one only to see that the plate was no longer there. Obviously, the person who brought the tea, had taken it away. No matter how sad, how depressed you are, you cannot survive without food for long. I had so much on my mind yet the pangs of hunger could not be driven away.
It started getting dark, there was no light in the room. I got up to switch on the lights but there seemed to be no power or maybe there were no electric bulbs in the room. It was too dark for me to check. This room must have been used only for interrogation so they did not feel the necessity of lights, Keeping a man in the dark is also a form of torture. I was in the dark, both literally as well as figuratively. Darkness increased my pain., made me feel more and more miserable. Would I ever be able to get out of here? 

Who Is She? Part 49

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room as we all waited for Abdul Sahab to make his appearance. So much had been said on both the sides, that there was hardly anything left to say. I looked at Amma, nobody had had any time to  think of her. She had been a silent observer all along. Although she could not have understood most of what had been going on, she was smart enough to have seen the heated exchanges, the undercurrents of anger , the threatening voices, all this must have certainly caused her a lot of worry. I looked at her. There was a worried expression on her face. She knew something was wrong. I was sure she was worried about me.
"Don't worry, Amma, everything will be al right," I said reassuringly.
"They are not going to take you away, are they?" She asked apprehensively.
" Of course not, Amma, how can they? Just relax"
"Adaab, Babuji, kya daleel?" Abdul sahab entered the room.At first he did not seen the army officers, his eyes were completely focused on Babuji. The officers were sitting to the right of the door and Babuji right in the front so it was only natural for him to have noticed only the three of us.
" Hello, Abdul, we have been waiting for you," the major's voice startled Abdul Sahab but he quickly regained his composure.
" Hello, major, what brings you here,?" Abdul Sahab asked with enthusiasm which was clearly meant to camouflage his concern. He walked towards Babuji and sat by his side.
" Abdul, we would like to know what happened at the airport today?" It was the captain again. He did manage to find his voice now and then.
" What do you want to know from me, I am sure, Bittu must have told you everything?" Abdul Sahab spoke in his usual confident manner.
 " I don't know whether he really told us everything, that is something I am not sure of. But, you, I am sure, will tell us everything" The major had suddenly switched over to a belligerent tone.
 " What more can I tell you, we went to the airport, we waited but to no avail. Anita was not on that plane, end of story,"
" I am told you saw the passengers' list, is that right? And you told Rahul that Anita's name was not on the list?
" Yes, I did tell him so but that was not the truth. There was no way, I could have seen the list, I only had a few words with the guard on duty, stepped a couple of steps in to the arrival lounge, noticed that it was completely empty, realised that Bittu Ji's Anita had not come and made my way back" So he had lied to me but why had he done so?
"You lied to me, Abdul Sahib, why?" I was shocked and I was hurt.
" I am sorry, Bittu Ji but I had to. If I had not told you about Anita's name not being on the list, you would not have moved from there and you would  have refused to go back, in your legendary obdurate manner" He said, looking at me with sad look in his eyes. I did not doubt his sincerity, he had done what he thought was best for me.
" The fact is, Abdul, her name was very much there. She has left her home, she is very much here but the question is where, where could she have gone?. It is possible you might have missed her at the airport, she might have used some disguise, a lot of reasons why you were unable to spot her but absolutely none for her disappearance." The major sounded a little worried  and what about me? I was stunned at the possibility of Anita having reached the airport, somehow having missed me and then...then what? What could she have done? She would have tried to contact me, she had our telephone number. But she had not done so. Unfortunately, she did not have this address, I had not thought it necessary to give it to her, sure as I had been of meeting her at the airport. I had, not for a moment, thought that anything would go wrong. How foolish of me! I should have taken all eventualities into consideration. She should have had the address, she should have had it. Babuji had told me to give her the address but I had refused saying there was no need for that, How wrong had I been.
" Major, now that you know, she is not here, please do something. Ask your people to look for her. You have your men in every nook and corner of the city, surely they can find her. Please. Major, please do something" I was literally begging now.
"We have already done that. The army and the police have been looking for her since the morning but so far we have had no success. Coming here was our last resort. After getting negative reports from everywhere, I realised this was the only place she could be at. But we seem to have drawn a blank here also. I would have searched the house but I don't see any need to do so, You have no reason to hide her, you have no reason to lie to me, after all the fact remains that she is an adult and she has come here willingly. Come along Captain, let us go, our work here is done, we have other things to do." The major got up and the captain followed.
" But you have to find her, you have to. Your senior officer will be highly displeased with you, if you don't"
" We know what we have to do, Rahul, we don't need your advice. If, by any chance, you hear from her, let us know immediately." With these words they shook hands with Babu Ji, did not even look at Abdul and left.
For some time, there was total silence in the room. We were lost in our own thoughts. I was in a very bad state. It seemed I had lost everything. We were supposed to get married in a couple of days, I had been so excited, so thrilled but now the ashes of my hopes were scattered all around.
" What happened?  What did they say?" it was Amma who broke the deadly silence in the room. Babuji explained everything to her, she merely kept on nodding her head, without uttering a single word.
" It is all my fault, I should have never agreed to this foolishness in the first place. You and your love for this brat of a man are responsible, Kamala" It was very rare for Babu Ji to address Amma by her name and this was one of those rare occasions. " Had it not been for you, I would have never agreed to become a part of this stupidity. It was Bittu's problem, he would have handled it. The heavens would not have fallen if she had married the boy of her parents choice, That was the right thing for her to do. We encouraged her to rebel against her parents, we are sinners and your darling son has made us so". Babu Ji glared at me. Even Amma did not come to my rescue this time. Babu Ji was fuming, he was trembling with anger. he kept on shouting at me, blaming me for lots of things, reminding me of my past mistakes, telling me that I had always been a good for nothing boy. I was hardly paying attention to what he was saying, my mind was elsewhere. I could think of nothing else but Anita. Love makes us very selfish, it really does.
"Calm down Babu Ji, you are merely raising your already high blood pressure. What is done is done. Nobody is to blame. This decision was not taken in a hurry, We discussed it thoroughly, we weighed all the pros and cons and then planned all this. Why blame Bittu and why rake up his past mistakes? Let us spare a thought a for that poor girl, god knows where she might be/" Abdul sahib, coming to my rescue.
" It is nearing dinner time and I have not cooked anything. I will go and make food, Abdul, you also stay back." With these words, Amma left the room, she did even glance at me.
And then the phone rang, its shrill sound startled us out of our wits.
I jumped out of my chair and ran towards the phone. I picked up the receiver, fully expecting to hear Anita's voice.
" Hello, may i talk to Rahul?" It was a male voice. All my hopes were shattered. The voice sounded familiar, though.
" Yes, I am Rahul, who is this?"
" Surprising, you don't recognise my voice?. I am Prakash" Now i understood why his voice sounded like the voice of someone close to me.
 " Prakash, you, of all people, how did you remember me after so many days? Calling from Amritsar?"
" No, Rahul, I am calling from Srinagar" I was taken aback by this answer. What was he doing in Srinagar? He had never told me anything about having any plans to come to Kashmir. What was he doing here and why had he not informed me earlier, before leaving Amritsar?
" What are you doing here and why didn't you inform me before coming? Where are you at present?"
" Rahul, you fool, you asked Anita to come to Srinagar, she left her parents, how did you think she could have managed all this by herself? She called me, asked me for my help. I was the one who booked her tickets and I decided to accompany her. Was it possible for me to let her travel alone to this place? After all she happens to be my best friend's soon to be wife."
" Are you telling me, you came with her to this place? " I was completely baffled.  Anita never told me she had contacted him. But I felt at ease to know that Anita was not alone.
" Is Anita with you? Did you come by the morning flight? Why didn't I see you/ I was at the airport waiting for her but I didn't see her. Didn't you see me, you must have known I would be there to receive her." Words tumbled out of my mouth one after the other. I was relieved but also confused at the same time.
" I will tell you everything in detail when we meet. not over the phone.I was trying to call you the whole day but just could not connect. Anita was all tense and worried"
" Where are you?"
"We are in a hotel by the Dal Lake, the name is Lake view Hotel. I knew you stayed somewhere in Karan Nagar but did not have the address. moreover, we could not leave the hotel because of the curfew. This place scares me, Rahul., haven't stepped out of the hotel the whole day. Anyway, be here in the morning and take us home. I will stay here till your marriage. How can I ever miss my best friend's wedding?" He sounded quite excited although a bit apprehensive as well.
" Don't you worry, I am glad you came with Anita, she is in safe hands. let me talk to her" I said in excited expectation.
" Sorry, Rahul, the room phones are not working. I am calling from the reception. You can talk to her as much as you want tomorrow, you have all the time in the world now" Why hadn't Anita accompanied him to the reception? Wasn't she eager to talk to me? She should have been the first one to call me, not he. All these thoughts kept going through my mind in the background, my active mind was full of joy and excitement.
"Prakash, I will be there first thing in the morning. I think I should be there by eight. Keep everything packed.We will have breakfast together at my place. Thanks a lot, Prakash, see you in the morning." I said and hung up.
"Who was it?" Babu Ji asked.
" It was Prakash, a very good friend of mine. He and Anita have come here together. It seems they didn't see me at the airport so they checked into a hotel. Abdul Sahab, I will need that taxi again" I was beside myself with nervous excitement.
" They are staying in the same hotel, sharing the same room?" Babu Ji asked in shocked surprise.
" Of course not the same room, the same hotel, yes. Babu ji Prakash is a man to be trusted, he has been one of my best friends for a long time."
"Good news, at last, after a tension filled day. Don't worry, Bittu Ji, the taxi will be here, I don't think there is any curfew tomorrow , you go and bring our daughter in law home. I will take your leave now, Sayeeda  must be waiting. See you in the morning." With these words, Abdul Sahib left.
I have hardly any memories of that evening. I was excitement and impatience personified. I don't even remember what we had for dinner. I recall rushing up to my room immediately after dinner, running up the two flights of stairs without taking a breath. I was tired but sleep would not do me any favours. I waited impatiently for the morning to come.
 I must have dozed off, when I opened my eyes , dawn had broken and light was filtering in through the windows. I looked at my watch. It was six. I jumped out of bed and started getting ready. By the time I reached downstairs, it was 6.45, still a long time to go. Amma was in the kitchen and Khalid had gone out to get the Kashmiri rotis, which he did every morning.
Amma started talking, she was in a good mood, sounded very cheerful., but honestly speaking I was not listening to her at all. my mind was in Lake View Hotel, I was thinking of how I would meet Anita, how I would take her in my arms, hold her tight, kiss her and not bother about the people who would be watching.us. I almost gulped down my breakfast, looked at my watch, it was almost eight. The taxi must have surely come. I said bye to Amma, went to the Baithak, said bye to Babu Ji and rushed out.
I walked through the corridor, to the door of the house which opened out to the verandah outside, it was raised one, You had to go down a few steps to reach the outside pathway or driveway. In the front was the lawn and to the right was the driveway which lead to the main gate. I ran down the steps to the main gate, I reached out my hand to open it when it suddenly burst open from outside and some armed men in uniform barged in.
" Are you Rahul": one of them asked
"I am, but what is this, what do you want?"
 They grabbed me by both the arms and dragged me outside. I shouted out to Babu Ji but I had no way of knowing whether he heard me or not. I was thrown into the back seat of an army jeep and the driver immediately drove off.
" For god's sake tell me, what all this is about? Where are you taking me and why? What have I done?"
 ' We are taking you to the detention centre, we suspect you have links with the local militants. The rest you will come to know when we reach our headquarters."

Who Is She, Part 48

I was completely speechless. How was this possible? Didn't Abdul Sahab tell me that her name was not on the passenger list? Moreover, I had closely looked at each and every passenger while they were coming out, looked very closely but I had seen no one who even remotely resembled Anita. If she had really come, if she was really in Srinagar, she would have given me a call, she knew the phone number. What was it that could have prevented her from making a simple call? The flight arrived in the morning, it was nearly 8 in the night, why the silence till now?  My heart and mind refused to accept that she was in town and had not tried to get in touch with me. Not seeing me at the airport, assuming she had come, might have made her angry, not might , must have made her angry, but in spite of all the anger, she had no other option but to get in touch with me. She had nowhere else to go. She was a stranger in a strange and troubled land., I was her only hope and support so why did she not get in touch with me?
Things didn't seem right to me. I felt I was being mislead, I was being fed falsehoods, somebody did not want to see Anita and me together. But, who and why? I was beginning to get delusional. I had to hold myself together to face what was obviously going to be a troubling time for me.
"We asked you a question and we are waiting for a reply," The Major's booming voice broke into my thoughts.
"What question,"? I said, as if I had not heard what he had asked me earlier.
"You heard me the first time, didn't you? Where is Anita?"
"My goodness, major, I am absolutely amazed that you should be asking me this. How do I know, how do any of us know where she is and if we had known , why would I hide it from you? I have committed no crime. If she has come to Srinagar, she has done so at her own volition. She is the master of her own will. She can do whatever she wants. She is a full grown adult. You cannot accuse me of having kidnapped her. And, assuming, I had wanted to forcibly bring her here, how would I have managed it? I have not left Srinagar, not for single day and I am no superman who could have flown to Chandigarh and brought her here," I said all this while standing and looking straight into the major's eyes.
"Rahul, we know she is here. She is in Srinagar and she has nowhere to go but but here. So tell us where she is otherwise you know we have other means of getting the truth out of you," The mister had been removed from before Rahul's name and the polite major had been replaced by a rude and bullying one. There was a time when I used to have great respect for the army but after all the stories I had heard of their behaviour in Kashmir, after what I had seen for myself, the way they had almost beaten Khalid to death, I had lost all that respect, I had nothing but contempt for them. And when I heard his threatening tone along with the threatening words, I lost my cool completely.
"What the hell do you mean by all this?," I doubt if I had ever used a swear word before, I think that was the first time I made use of such an expression but I was really angry, I felt like shouting at the top of my voice. "Your threats mean nothing to me, major, I am not scared of you. you might have scared the hell out of the people here and in other places as well. I am sure you and people like you must have been posted in Punjab as well during the eighties. You seem to be extremely fond of all these methods of torture, don't you? Remember, I am not a criminal, I am not a terrorist, I don't even qualify to be part of your suspected terrorists list and I don't have to tell you why. You know the answer pretty well. I told you and I am telling you again, I have no idea where Anita is. As far as I know, she never came to Srinagar but if you feel that by abducting me, because that is what it is going to be, you have no authority to arrest me, go ahead and take me wherever you want, may fetch you a medal from that senior officer of yours." I had become breathless by now and I could feel my whole body trembling.
"Bittu Ji, stop all this, what do you think you are doing? You will only make matters worse. Just sit down and shut up." Babu Ji had got up from his chair, he held me by the arm and forced me back onto the chair.
"Rahul, what do you think of yourself? By shouting at us in this manner and accusing us of all kinds of preposterous things, you are merely digging your own grave. You are very well aware that under the special forces act, we can do anything and nobody can utter a word. I am not losing my cool because your love for that girl seems to have made you crazy. When I tell you, we know she is in Srinagar, you have to believe us. Just give us the information we need and we will leave you alone, come on, be sensible." Surprisingly, the major sounded as cool as a cucumber.
"Major sahab, please listen to me. I will tell you everything. It is true, Anita was supposed to come here by the early morning flight from Chandigarh. Not only my son (Babu Ji would never call me his grandson, it was always my son) but also I asked her to come because she wanted to marry Bittu and was not prepared to marry anyone else. She had told her father but this Sethi is an adamant old fool, no respect for the emotions of his daughter, he refused and arranged to get her married off to someone else. She was the one who contacted us, she was the one who told us, she would rather die than marry anyone else, a bit melodramatic that, must be watching a lot of movies." I could see a flicker of a smile on his lips when he uttered the last few words. Babu Ji went on with the whole story, the argument with Anita's father, the loss of temper on both sides, Babu Ji did not hide anything from the officers. He was honest enough to admit that he had encouraged me to call Anita to Srinagar and had assured me that he would get us married.
As Babu Ji was talking, I was observing both the officers. By that time, my temper had cooled down and I had started breathing a little easy. The officers were hanging on to each and every word that Babu Ji said,  there was complete attentiveness in their eyes and also their bodies, it was as if, they were listening to a senior officer of theirs. I knew Babu Ji was good at English but I had never heard him speak more than a sentence or two at a time but here he was going on and on in that language, speaking almost non stop in  flawless English without that trademark Kashmiri accent. This man never ceased to amaze me.
"So I sent Abdul, my neighbour and friend, you know him, of course, along with Bittu Ji to the airport. I trusted Abdul not just because he was my friend but also because he, being an army contractor, had a lot of contacts in the army, knew lots of officers of yours and he could make his way to the airport in spite of the curfew which he did" Now I understood the reason why we faced no problems on the way and why the army men seemed very friendly with Abdul Sahab. It was not his impeccable suit and tie which did the trick, as I had seemed to think.
"So this is our story and it is the truth. If at all Anita came by that flight, we have no clue as to her whereabouts. You are army officers, you run the show here, a young girl may be in trouble. Use your resources and try to find her instead of wasting your time in browbeating us, particularly my son, as it is, he has already been through a lot." Both the officers nodded their heads in unison, as if in agreement with what Babu Ji had said.
"Is it possible for us to talk to Abdul?," the major asked.
"Of course, why not? He lives next door but please don't go to his house, you know how things are, the very sight of men in uniform will send shivers down the spines of his family. I will call him here. Khalid, oh Khalida" Babu Ji shouted." He must have shut himself up in his room, he is terrified of you people since that unfortunate day, you shouldn't have done that to him, that was mighty cruel of you" There was no anger in Babu Ji's voice, just a tinge of sadness.
Khalid appeared at the door, he stood at the threshold, looking scared, not daring to step in to the room.
"Khalid, go fast and call Abdul. Don't say anything about these people, just tell him that I want to talk to him, something important has come up." Khalid, without saying a single word, just disappeared from the door.
"So, Rahul, you did not see Anita at the airport?"
"How could I when she was not there? You heard what Babu Ji said, Every word of it is true. Moreover, had I met her there, she would have been here with us, you would have met her, in fact it would have been a pleasure for me to introduce her to you people," I was being a bit sarcastic, I thought.
"There is no doubt about the fact that Anita left Chandigarh, that she was on that flight is also true, her name, Anita Sethi, was on the list of passengers travelling to Srinagar. So if she is not with you, where is she?" The major was talking more to himself than to us.
The Passenger list? Abdul Sahab had told me about it. He had said her name was not on the list therefore it was no point waiting at the airport. Had Abdul Sahab lied to me? But why would he do that, he was our friend, he was almost family, he loved me, he was incapable of doing anything to hurt me. So somebody was lying or deliberately hiding the truth. Who could it be? Was it the army or Could it really be Abdul sahab? But why?

Who is She, Part 47

I walked down the stairs in a leisurely manner. One of the foremost reasons for that was the muddled state of my mind but there was another very important reason. I was angry, angry with myself, angry with Anita and angry with the army. I had already had one bad experience with the forces, that had left me fuming. I had not forgotten that. And here they were now for God knows what reason. Let them wait. I was not going to oblige them by running towards them quickly as if I was scared. I wanted them to cool down their heels for a while, So each step I took, was taken at a snail's pace.  At the same time, i was wondering why they had come. Why had they asked for me? I had not done anything that day, nothing illegal. Well, i would soon come to know,
I reached the living room. It was empty.
"They are in the baithak" Khalid said. The main drawing room was called the baithak.We had two bhaithaks in the house, the small baithak and the big bhaitak. Visitors, who were not very close, were seated in the big one. Both the baithaks were facing each other across the corridor, the corridor which we stepped in to as soon as we entered the main building. I walked down the corridor and entered the door to my left, the entrance to the big drawing room.
There were two officers. One was the major whom i had already encountered once and the other was a captain, I had not seen him before. They were sitting on separate sofa seats,, the major looked confident and sure of himself, the captain a little diffident. Both of them were young and good looking. Did the army have some special recruiting process through which only handsome men got selected? It was just a passing thought as I took in the scene in front of me. Babuji was sitting on his favourite chair, looking a shade angry. Amma was sitting in the corner at the other side of the room. She looked worried which was only natural. Babu Ji gestured me towards a chair on his right,, which meant I was facing both the officers or they were facing me, whichever way you look at it.
 " What is this all about, Babu Ji?"
" I have no idea, they have not told me anything, they will only talk to you and no one else"
I looked at the Major. We had met earlier so no need for any introductions except for the fact that I did not remember his name.
" Hello, Major," I said, trying to sound normal and confident." To what do I owe the courtesy of this visit?"
" Do you remember me, Mr,Rahul, we met a few days ago, not under very pleasant circumstances, I will have to say. My name is Sunil Tandon, Major Sunil Tandon, of course, and this gentleman here is Captain Arun Sharma", He pointed to the captain with his eyes., who looked at me with a faint smile on his face. The last time I had met the major, he had come to deliver a veiled threat to  Babu Ji and  me. I had been. rather rude to him at that time and justifiably so. Had he come with another threat, a more direct one this time?
 "Let me come straight to the point. No need to waste time, beating around the bush. I presume, you  know, a certain lady, named Miss Anita Sethi?" He was looking straight in to my eyes as he asked the question, watching me very closely. The question stunned me. How did he know about Anita? Who could have told him? None of us, I was sure of that, so who could it be? Suddenly my heart skipped a beat, had something happened to Anita? Had these people come to tell me of some kind of an accident she been in? But that was impossible. Anita was not in Srinagar so how could that have happened? All these thoughts passed through my mind in the flash of a second.
" Yes, I know her but why are you asking me about her?"
" Look, Mr. Rahul, She has disappeared" I was taken aback. I kept on looking at the major but I was unable to say a single word.
" You ever been to Chandigarh, Mr. Rahul? A beautiful city, isn't it? Well, Anita lives there with her parents, I am sure you must have met them, right?"
"Whether I have met her parents or not is totally irrelevant, Major, just tell me the reason you are asking me about her"I said, this time a little impatiently, and certainly not very politely.
" Anita has vanished in to thin air. It was supposed to be her wedding day today and this morning she seemed to have left her house and since then she has not been seen or heard from". These words were both a shock and a relief to me, a shock because Anita was obviously missing and a relief because she had  kept her promise and really left her father's house which also meant she was not going to get married, not on that day, at least. But how were these two officers aware of all this and why had they come to me?
" Why are you telling me all this? I admit I know Anita, but what has her leaving her house got to do with me?" There was a slight trace of irritability in my voice.
" It has got everything to do with you"' this time the major sounded authoritative, more aggressive." You loved her, didn't you and wanted to marry her? Her parents were dead against her having anything to do with you. Her marriage was arranged, the date fixed and today happened to be that day. Obviously, you wouldn't like her to get married to someone else, would you Mr. Rahul"?  He asked me the question with a very suspicious look on his face. Not waiting for my answer, he continued," So you made a plan, a plan to stop her from getting married and the only way to do that was to make her disappear from her house and that is what you did. Where is Anita, Rahul?"  The courtesies were over, the polite tone had been taken over by a rude one and both the officers glared at me as if ready to pounce upon me in order to get an answer to the question.
So Anita had left her house. She had not come to Srinagar, Where had she gone? Where could she have gone?  I started getting worried. But why was the army interested in all this. If it was a missing person's case, the police should have been handing it, not these officers.
" How do you expect me to know that? She is in Chandigarh, I am here so how can I know about her whereabouts? I am unable to understand why you are asking me?" I said, a little forcefully.
" We are asking you because her father has made a complaint against you. He says you asked her to come here"
" Made a complaint against me and that too to the army, how strange? He should have lodged an FIR against me in some Chandigarh police station. They would have done something about it. Why you, why the army? Locating missing people is not your job or have you started handling that department also?" I said, rather sarcastically. I was angry, I was worried, Anita had left her house, obviously to catch her flight but she had not been on the plane. Where could she have gone? What could have happened to her? So many questions were whirling around in my mind , causing havoc and here were these two army men asking me or rather accusing of having had a hand in her unexplained disappearance. How ludicrous.
" Rahul, her father has every reason to be suspicious of you. He heard her tell you on the phone that she would be coming to Srinagar" This was the captain speaking,' he had been silent all along but he seemed to have found his voice now.
" Right, She did tell me that she would come to Srinagar because she loved me and did not want to marry anyone else. Is that a crime? Her father knew she wanted to marry me, why did he try to marry her off to someone else. why? Was he not committing a crime, was he not hurting the feelings of his daughter beyond repair? If Anita decided to leave her patents, she did so because her parents forced her to do so. Why are you gentlemen blaming me, go and talk to her father. Ask him why he was cruel to his daughter? And why the heck are you interrogating me? Did  i abduct Anita? Was I responsible for her leaving her home? Oh, by the way, why are you people interested in all this? What has all this got to do with the army, that too an army which is in Kashmir busy with torturing and harassing the Kashmiri people?" I had started losing my temper by now, so much so, that while speaking I almost got up from my chair.
 " Rahul, you better calm down, don't be angry with us. If you behave like this, we know how to handle you?"
" Of course you know how to handle me, not an iota of doubt about it. You will handle me the way you handled Khalid the other day, almost beat up the poor chap to death, you will handle me the way you handled Babu Ji, threatening him with dire consequences if he did not stay away from his Muslim friends. I know all about your dirty tricks Major and I am not  sacred of you people. You are armed bullies, that is what you are." My temper was beginning to rise with each word that i spoke.
"Bittu Ji, will you stop? They are doing their job, it is their duty, don't attribute unreasonable motives to them. Your love for Anita has blinded you to everything else. The fact is that Anita is missing, shouldn't you be worried about that rather than entering into an unnecessary argument with these gents in uniform?" Babu Ji sounded angry but I knew his real anger was directed at the two uniformed men, who were supposed to be our saviours. He had already suffered a lot at their hands. At the same time, he was concerned about me, he was aware of the fact that if I angered the army, they would make me disappear in seconds and no one would even get a whiff of it.
" Rahul, you are exceeding all limits, stop before it is too late" The major was angry now and he had every reason to be so.
"What do you mean, too late?Too late for me to save myself from your inhuman clutches?"
" Bitto Ji, enough, sit down and shut up,"
 Babu Ji's booming voice resonated in the entire room.
" Major, just ignore him, he is not his normal self. Just tell me, what  you want from us, in what way we can help you?" Babu Ji, said in a hurry, he wanted all this to get over, he did not want me to get into trouble, Amma had been silent all the time, she had not uttered a word, mainly because almost all the conversation was taking place in English, a language she did not understand at all, she could not speak or understand any other language except Kashmiri. but she was intelligent enough to understand that things were going wrong and I was in some kind of danger. I had totally forgotten about her presence in the room till she shouted in Kashmiri. " Bhagwan sinz dri, bittu jiyan kor na kihin, ye trevoon." ( I swear to God, Bittu Ji has not done anything, please let him go)
 There were tears in her eyes. My anger took leave of me. I went up to her and hugged her tightly, whispering in her ears that all would be well, nothing would happen to me.
" Sir, we have not come here to harm your son. All we want to know where Anita is? the major was very polite now, speaking as he was to Babu Ji.
" Major Saab, how can he or any of us know where she is, it is true she had said she would come to Srinagar. My son went to the airport to receive her but she was not on the plane which means she must be in Chandigath. So why not look for her there? Moreover, my son was right in asking you about your interest in the case, such cases do not come under your domain"
 " You are right Sir. Mr. Sethi is a very close friend of a very senior officer of ours. he talked to him and that is why  we are here."
" So officially you are not involved in this?"
" How can we be , sir but you know this is a disturbed area and we can take anything in our hands."
" Now, that you know Anita is not here, would you please inform her father that he is barking up the wrong tree?"
" We would love to do that but she has come to Srinagar and is very much here"
" What nonsense, my son was at the airport, she was not there at all. Even her name was not on the passenger list. Why are you lying to us?" I could detect a slight trace of anger in Babu Ji's voice. I also felt  my temper going up all over again. These army men were trying to get even with me. I knew Anita had not come and yet these so called army gentlemen were telling me that she was very much in Srinagar.
" I don't know which passenger list you saw or how you saw it, but let me tell you she boarded the plane at Chandigarh and the same plane landed here. Her name is very much on the list. Now, will you be honest with us and tell us where you have kept her?"
Babu Ji and I looked at each other with utter total incomprehension in our eyes.

Who Is She, Part 46

The thought that Anita might be carrying some heavy luggage which was the reason she was still inside the fortified airport building lifted up my spirits. My hopes soared and my eyes, with renewed hope in their eyes, kept staring at the exit gate, For some time, there was a complete lull. Not a single passenger came out. The security guard at the gate looked very relaxed , it was as if his job for the day was over. My heart sank. What if the passengers who had come out were the only ones on the plane? What if all the passengers had come with very light baggage? What if the plane was carrying that many passengers and no more? After all, who would like to visit Srinagar or how many people would like to come to Srinagar when they knew what the situation was? This meant, Anita was not on the plane. She had not come. She had made a false promise to me, she had deceived me.All these thoughts kept  flitting through my mind, as i waited for someone to emerge from the door. No one did.
" Bittu Ji, time to go now, it seems she has not come, may be she missed the flight", Abdul Sahab's voice had suddenly become very soft. Gone was the harshness of the early morning.And the reason was obvious. He knew I must be all devastated inside and he was trying to make me feel that hope was still around the corner.
" Let us wait for some more time, she may still be waiting for her luggage", I said, more with a desperate hope than anything else.
 " Well, let me find out", he said and strode confidently toward the airport exit door, The way he walked must have given everyone the impression that he was some VIP or an important member  of the secret service. My eyes followed him, closely and intently. He walked up to the armed guard and started saying something. . He appeared to be talking very animatedly. Soon,  the guard and he were shaking hands. What was it about Abdul Sahab today, he seemed to be disarming all army men with his smile and words? Was he telling them false stories about himself? His stories, coupled with the very expensive looking suit he was wearing, must have done the trick. The guard took him by the hand and they went in through the gate. That was a surprise? How on earth could the guard do that? He was breaking all security rules. As they went inside, my heart beat started becoming faster and faster. The moment of truth had arrived. In a few moments from now, I would know if Anita had come. My wait lasted just a couple of minutes but these few minutes looked like eternity to me.
I could not not take my eyes off the gate, not even for a second and understandably so. .
It was as if my whole life depended on what would happen next, perhaps it did. The security guard appeared first, followed by Abdul Sahab. Was anyone else behind them? Would I  see Anita coming out and smiling her pretty smile? I recalled her words, the words she had said to me over the phone. She had unequivocally said that her ticket had been booked. She had sounded sure of herself and confident that nothing would stop her from boarding the plane and this was the only flight from Chandigarh. She had to be there, There was no way, she would let me down. But no one came out. Abdul Sahab again shook hands with the army man, this time more vigorously. There were broad smiles on both their faces but my heart had become icy. It was now absolutely evident, my Anita had not come.
Abdul Sahab walked towards me , with big strides, the remnants of a smile were still lingering on his face. Here was I, all sad and depressed but he gave the impression of everything having gone the way we had wanted it to.
" Come on, Bittu, let us go", he held me by the arm and literally pulled me towards the cab. Before I could utter a single word, he had opened the rear door of the car and pushed me inside. He banged the door shut, walked turned towards the front door, opened it and sank back comfortably on the seat.
" Turn back, we are going home", He told the driver. Not a word to me so far. I also did not have the courage or the will to say anything. What was it that I could have said? What was it that he could have told me? Reality was there for both of us to see and feel. Anita had not come and that was that.
" Well, Bittu Ji, your Anita Ji must have changed her mind, she most certainly was not on the flight. I had a look at the entire passenger list, no one by that name". How, in the name of God had he managed to that? But hadn't he showed that he was a man of many resources?
" Don't look so crestfallen. You look as if the whole world has come to an end. Come on Bittu Ji, you cannot let one girl affect your life so much that you forget everyone else," He spoke powerfully, each and every word of his hit me like a bullet in the heart. I hardly looked out of the window, hardly noticed our leaving the high security zone area of the airport.
" Although I feel bad for you, I am happy she did not come. Imagine what kind of a strain her presence would have been to your Babuji and Amma. A girl running away from her home just on the day of her marriage, coming all the way to Srinagar, do you think her father would have kept quiet? He would have raised a storm and that storm would have affected this already stormy place." He did not look at me, his eyes were on the road ahead.
" Do you know, Bittu Ji, how tense Babu Ji and Amma have been since the day you told them about Anita's coming? I know, I know, they did not appear to be so, they looked almost happy that their beloved Bittu Ji was getting married. Do you think they would have expressed how they felt? Do you seriously believe they would have let their darling Bittu know how hurt they had felt by his impulsive decision? Never. They love you too much for that. For heaven's sake, don't take advantage of their love. They have brought you up like a prince, don't behave like their king". The last words had anger and resentment written all over them.
I remained quiet. I did not say anything. What could I have said, anyway. I was hardly paying any attention to his words. My mind was occupied with more important things. Why had Anita not come? had she been lying to me all along, was she married by now. Anita, how could you do this to me?  I don't know how we reached home. I had been completely engrossed in myself. We had been stopped on the a way a couple of times, our car had been thoroughly searched at one place but my mind had become so numb that all these things mattered little to me. Abdul sahab had also been talking non stop, but he might well have been talking to himself. I couldn't hear or understand a single word of what he had been saying..
The car came to a halt. I looked out and saw that we had reached home. The journey to the airport had been a long one but the journey back home had hardly taken much time or so it seemed to me. I got out of the car , didn't even look at anyone and rushed inside. I was in no mood to talk with anyone, I knew there would a barrage of questions, lots of explanations asked for, lots of speculations made and I was simply not in the mood to be a part of it all. I desired solitude so I went up straight into my room, bolted the door behind me but did not fling myself onto the bed as I had done the previous night. I went to the chair by the window, sat down and looked out at the road below. I had a very nice view from my room. The road below, the houses on both sides, I could also see the mountains in the distance. I loved to look at them. As it was a clear sky, i could have a real beautiful view of these snow clad mountain tops. The beauty outside held no interest for me that day. I just stared at the far off mountains with a vacuous look in my eyes. My mind was totally disoriented. I did not know what to think. I had lots of questions but no answers. Anita had promised me she would come that day and had clearly mentioned the date and the flight. She had sounded very confident over the phone. Nothing that she had said had given  me the slightest hint that something would go wrong but something had obviously gone wrong. What could have gone wrong, I just did not have a clue and how could I, sitting hundreds of miles away from where she was. The most painful aspect of it all was that I had no way of contacting her. I had her phone number but I could not call. Any member of her family could have picked up the phone and asked me to go to hell. There were no cell phones at that time, so no way of contacting her directly. She was supposed to get married that very day. Was it possible that her parents had come to know of her plans and stopped her? If so, everything was lost for me. I thought,and thought and thought but to what avail? I don't know how long i had been sitting there when there was a knock at the door. I paid no attention. I could hear Khalid shouting out my name and asking me to open the door. The knocking became louder and louder but i remained rooted to my chair, lost in a world of hopeless grief or was it really grief? Was I not being selfish? Just because Anita hadn't come didn't mean I should cause unnecessary pain to Babu Ji and Amma, people who had bowed down in front of my every wish, people who been ready and willing to take on the whole society for my sake. This was callous and thoughtless on my part. I looked at my watch, it was o'clock, long past lunch time. I decided enough was enough, no more cruelty toward the people who loved me the most. No self pity, no self obsession. I got up, opened the door, almost toppled over  into Khalid's arms who managed to maintain his balance with great difficulty otherwise both of us would have tumbled onto the floor.
I did not say anything, just just brushed aside Khalid and went downstairs. I entered the living room. Babu Ji was occupying his usual place and Amma was sitting by his side., worried looks on both their faces.
" Bitto Ji, you have not eaten anything since the morning, you must be famished by now, my son. Sit down and have lunch. You know, I have cooked your favourite Rogan Josh, with lots of red chillies and Haakh.(collard greens, a very common vegetable for Kashmiris as common as dal was to outsiders) Khalid, bring him food."
" I am not hungry, Amma, I will eat later", I said.
" What do you mean you are not hungry? We are all hungry. Both your Babuji and I have not had lunch, how could we, without you"
Why are you telling him all this? He is least bothered about us, all he can think of is that Punjabi girl, what's her name, oh yes, Anita, he is not going to eat unless that queen of his comes here." Babu Ji said all this in a very flat tone. Thee was no anger that I could detect, a little bit of disappointment perhaps but nothing else.
" Don't talk to him like that, just look at his face, my poor boy looks totally exhausted, he has had to go through a lot" Amma said, her voice loaded with affection.
" Yes, your laatt sahab has gone through a lot and we have been singing and dancing all along. If that girl didn't come, is it our fault? Doesn't he realise we tried to help him in every possible way? And yet he behaves as if we are the culprits, punish us, that is what he wants," now Babuji had begun to get emotional which he rarely did.
" Amm, I will eat, we will all eat. I am sorry, Babuji, I shouldn't have behaved in such a manner"
" It is alright. We are used to your tantrums but you are no longer a kid, you are a grown up man now, start behaving like one"
" Yes, Babuji, i certainly will"
Lunch was laid. We all ate without much of a conversation. I have no recollection of what the food was like but I remember having gorged myself to the full because I did not want to hurt Amma any more.
"Now go and take some rest. Don't worry about anything. All is well and well it shall remain." It was Babuji talking in his most affectinate tone. I almos burst into tears but controlled myself. I had already caused them a lot of pain, no more, i said to myself.
I went to my room and lay down. I was really feeling sleepy. I had not slept the whole night. Although, Anita was very much on my mind, i fell asleep in no time. I woke up and saw that darkness had already fallen. I looked at my watch, it was6.30. My god, I had slept a long time. I was still trying to find my moorings when the door opened and Khalid rushed in, completely breathless.
" Bittu Ji, Bittu Ji", he gasped.
"Relax, Khalid, what happened?"
" The army is at the door, the officer wants to see you. I am scared, Bittu Ji, why are they asking for you, you have not done anything wrong"
The Army, asking for me but why. What had I one to annoy them? I was completely confused and in this confused state of mind, i started walking downstairs very very slowly.