Part 61

I watched as Captain Sehgal walked out of the park. Had he come on foot? I was unable to see any vehicle close by. I kept on looking at him till he went out of sight . Maybe, he had a jeep or some other vehicle parked nearby. Anyway, he had given me a lot to think over. Things were becoming curioser and curioser. I found it difficult to believe what I had just heard. It seemed to be a page out of a Ludlum thriller combined with an Agatha Christie mystery.
 I knew I was getting late, no time to exercise my brain at this stage. It was already 1.15 and people at home must be waiting for me. I got up, took a by lane as I did not want to come across anyone. This was a short cut as well. I was home in five minutes. I saw Babuji sitting in the baithak which meant the call for lunch had not come as yet. There was no one else there. Abdul Sahab must have left long back. I was curious to know what other information he had given Babuji but this was not the right time to ask.
" Where have you been?" Babuji asked, a little anxiously.
 " I thought I would take a walk and have a look at our neighbors. Babuji, every house I saw was deserted. Is there not a single family which stayed back"?
" Unfortunately, no. We are the only ones in this area. Of course there are people who are still here,  but not in our vicinity. I wish they had stayed back but the atmosphere of fear was so strong that we all felt we would be killed. Escape seemed the only way out." Sadness had crept into his voice.
" Weren't you afraid, like the others"?
" I was. So was Amma but we thought, if we have to die, why not die in our homeland? I saw no point in leaving. All others left, but we stayed put."
" Amma is waiting. Lunch has been served." It was the ever faithful Khalid.

Although the words of that captain, [if he was a captain], and the words of Abdul sahab were weighing heavily on my mind, I could not help think what Amma must have cooked for lunch, the glutton that I was. I had forgotten that in the morning itself she had said she would be making monja suen.[mutton mixed with Kohlrabi or gaanth ghobi,]
We sat down, as usual. Amma was already there, waiting for us. The mutton dish was delicious. Amma had outdone herself. Somehow, there was hardly any conversation. Babuji did not say a single word and Amma also kept quiet. She spoke only to ask me whether I liked what she had cooked.  Normally, there was a lot of chatter during our meals but today all were subdued. I wondered why, may be because of what Abdul Sahab had said. I was sure, Babuji must have told Amma everything.
He never kept anything from her. Both my grandparents were worried about me. Look at the irony of it all. I had come to rescue them from this place, that had been my mission, or the mission that had been given to me and here I was, adding trouble after trouble to their lives.

We shifted back to the baithak. Babuji and Amma would normally spend the afternoon in the drawing room itself. It had been an age old habit. Afternoon was the time when a lot of relatives and friends would drop in, that was the Kashmiri practice. I had never seen Babuji lying down or taking a nap in the afternoons. He never left his favourite chair. He was as impeccably dressed for the day as he used to before his retirement. The habit of changing into his night clothes just before dinner, stayed with him all his life,. I really admired him but never tried to follow him. I had been lazy from the beginning and my laziness clung to me like a leech.

" Babuji, what else was Abdul Sahab saying"? I asked, glancing sideways at amma, whose reaction was self explanatory. She knew what I was talking about.
" Nothing much. He didn't have anything else to say apart from what he had already said."
" But do you believe him?  How does he get all this information? I am sure whatever he told us must be highly classified and if the army is planning anything of what he said, they wouldn't go advertising it all around, would they?" I was really curious to know.

" Well, I don't exactly know who his sources are. all I know is that he has contacts in high places. He knows politicians, administrators, police officers etc. I don't know whether he knows anyone in the army. I doubt it,  as army people keep the local Muslims at a distance and don't trust them at all. How he knows what the army is up to , is a mystery to me as well , but he is an honest and trustworthy man. I have no reason to disbelieve him. " Babuji said with great conviction.

I didn't respond. I was thinking of what that Sehgal man had said. If that man was actually from the army, Abdul Sahab's words could well be true.
There were people messing up with my life. They had started doing so soon after I had  landed in Srinagar. Who were these people? Why had they brought Anita into the picture?  Why would the army be interested in me? They had more important things to do. Their most pressing task was to deal with this movement for independence which had gripped the valley.  They knew the sentiments of local population were against them and anti Indian. Why would they waste their time on me? It just didn't make any sense. I was bewildered, confused , almost on the verge of going mad. The captain had said, he would have the answers for me tomorrow. Would he really come again? Was he for real or was he someone out to make a fool of me? Well, I hoped I would get some answers, if not all but I nearly a twenty four hour wait ahead of me. My impatience would make these hours seem like an eternity to me.
I was at a loss. I needed answers and I needed them badly. There were at least three people i could talk to and any one of them might have some answers. Anita, Prakash and Urmila. what I desperately wanted was to talk to one of them, if not all. There was no way i could get in touch with anita or her sister. Prakash was the only one I had hopes of talking to. I decided to ring up Prakash. I got up and walked straight to the telephone.
" Are you planning to call someone"? Babuji asked with a mixture of surprise and amusement.
" Yes, Babuji, an old friend." Before he could say anything more, I started dialing Prakash's Amritsar number.
The phone on the other side started ringing. After a couple of rings, a lady answered.
" Hello, who is it"? I could easily recognise the voice of Prakash's mother.

"Hello, Aunty, it is me, Bittu." I said. To address someone as aunty was almost impossible for me. I was not used to calling anyone auntie or uncle. In Kashmir, we were used to addressing people by their names and if they were elders, we would add Mr. or Mrs. Although,I had lived in Punjab for many years, I had not been able to get used to these form of addresses.
" Oh, hello, Bittu, it has been a long time. where have you been all these days?" she asked lovingly.
"I am in Kashmir with my grandparents. Didn't Prakash tell you?"
"No, he never mentioned it. Moreover, I haven't seen him also for a long time. Didn't you meet him"?
 " The last time I met him was in Amritsar,"
" Does he know you are in Srinagar"?
" He sure does, I had told him I would be here."
There was a moment's silence as if she was thinking what to say.
" That is very surprising. He is also in Kashmir, he should have met you ". She sounded a wee bit worried.
" What is he doing in Kashmir and when did he come here"? I asked.
" He is in the army, you know that and that too in the intelligence wing,  so he doesn't share things with us, he is not supposed to".
 I was dumbfounded. I did not say anything and kept the receiver on the cradle .
Prakash in the army? Military Intelligence? And I had absolutely no idea of it.
 The plot thickened and thickened.

Part 60

I decided to go inside. I peeped into the baithak and saw that Abdul Sahab and Babuji were busy talking. I went to the living room. There was nobody there. Amma was not in the Kitchen also. I glanced at my watch. It was nearing 12. Amma must have prepared lunch and gone up to her room. In the good old times, when the house was full of people and Amma did not have to bother about the kitchen etc, she would go upstairs to her room and take a nap or do whatever she wanted to do. She would come down only when lunch was served. As far as I remembered, she had lived her life like a queen , with domestic help, daughters- in- law and others at her beck and call. Now she was looking after everything . My coming had added to her burdens. It must have been tiring for her, cooking special dishes for me almost everyday. I felt guilty about it all . I told myself that I would tell her to just make one simple dish a day. Babuji was a very frugal eater. I knew he was satisfied with Haakh Batta, i.e. rice and haakh and occasionally a mutton dish. Since I had come, not a single day had passed, without my being treated to sumptuous meals. I would tell her not to do so anymore. Why had I started behaving like a spoiled teenager all over again?  Making unrealistic demands, expecting Babuji and Amma to fulfill all my wishes, the way they used to , when I was much younger, even going to the extent of asking them to get me married to Anita and that too in a surreptitious manner.

 Suddenly, I felt relieved Anita had not come. Babuji and Amma would have done what I wanted them to , but it would have caused them immense pain and trouble as well. What a fool I was! Enough of all this stupidity , enough was enough .
I felt an urge to go out for a walk. Walking would freshen up my mind. Khalid had a room at the back of the house. I went there and told him I was going out and would be back in half an hour. He tried to stop me, telling me it wasn't safe to venture out but I did not listen to him and asked him to inform Babuji, if he asked where I was. We had a small entrance gate at the back also, I went out that way. As soon as I stepped out, I turned left, towards the main road which I could see from the window of my room.
There was hardly anyone on the road. I looked around me, glanced at the big houses on both sides of the road. There was no sign of life. Houses which , once upon a time, not so long ago, used to be bustling with activity, were now as quite as graves. Not a sound from anywhere. People had left their home and hearth , they had left because they felt unsafe, they felt they would be killed. It was clear to me that in this neighborhood, ours was the only house which was still occupied, that too only due to the stubborn determination of my grandparents.
I walked on and reached the main road. I had taken an auto rickshaw from this very road the other day , the day I had gone to meet Anita. That day I was so lost in myself that I had not bothered to look at my old haunts. My mind was still not free, I had a lot to think about but I managed to drive all that away and observe what was going on around me. The presence of the armed forces could not be ignored. They were prowling like tigers looking for their prey. With guns in their hands, they looked menacing. There was no curfew today, so there were a number of people and vehicles on the road. The shops were open, not all but most of them. All the shopkeepers recognised me and greeted me very affectionately. Some hugged me, some talked about my childish pranks, some remarked about how royally babuji and Amma had brought me up. All the shopkeepers were Kashmiri Muslims. Kashmiri Pandits preferred white collar jobs and considered it beneath their dignity to do any kind of business. We had Pandit shopkeepers and businessmen but very few and they were looked down upon with a degree of contempt. I could never understand this attitude of my community.
I felt very happy at the way these old shopkeepers  showered their affection upon me. I could not detect the slightest bit of hatred in them, the hatred which I had been told, they had for us Kashmiri Pandits.  Perhaps, it was this love which gave Amma and Babuji the confidence to stay on in this strife torn place.
I continued walking till I reached another of my childhood haunts. It was a small park , just adjacent to the well known National School. The park was empty, not a single soul to be seen. Another rare sight for me. This park had always been a hub of activity. How things had changed! I entered the park and sat down on one of the benches. It was in a dilapidated condition but safe enough to sit on.
As I was thinking about all the mysteries surrounding me, I did not notice a man coming up and sitting beside me. I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard his voice.
" Hello, Bittu, what are you doing here? I thought you would be too scared to move out of your house after all that has happened?" The man's tone was a friendly one but I did not fail to notice a slight mockery in his words.
" What the hell? Who are you and how do you know my name?" I asked angrily.
Relax, man, I come as a friend. Why do you see only enemies around you?"
" I have never seen you before, I don't know you from Adam. How can you be my friend?"
"Right, you don't know me but I know a lot about you. You will be surprised how much I know" He said with a smile lurking on his lips. He was a young man in his late twenties. He was very good looking , one could call him handsome. He was wearing a sky blue shirt and black trousers, very formally dressed, indeed. Could he be from the army? That was a very distinct possibility. He had followed me here. He must have been watching the house, otherwise how did he know I was in the park? Abdul Sahab had told me that the army was bent upon creating problems for me. Was this man a part of that trouble?
"And what do you know about me ,Mr. er,, I didn't catch your name, what did you say your name was?"
" I didn't tell you my name. I am  Atul, Atul Sehgal." He extended his hand, I also did the same and we shook hands.
"Are you in the army?' I asked, somewhat rudely.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha",  his loud guffaw echoed in the whole park. " All you can think of is the army, why can't you get the army off your mind?"
" How can I? You people, I mean the army people, have been creating hurdles in  my way, right since the day I came here. Don't you think it's only natural for me to think of the army as my enemy"?
" I can understand your feelings. I accept you have been treated roughly but we don't mean any harm, none at all". He said, his words taking somber tone.
" So, you admit you are from the army and you have been following me?"
" Yes, I admit it. I am a captain in the army, I didn't want to keep it a secret from you, just felt like having a little bit of fun, sorry for that" His apology sounded sincere.
" Now, what do you want from me, Captain Atul? Your people have beaten me up, your people have tortured our domestic help, your people have misbehaved with my grandfather and you people are interfering in my personal life, what else do you want now?" I couldn't restrain myself, my anger was  getting the better of me. Prudence told me to talk to this man politely, I had been warned that the army in Kashmir were capable of doing anything and  had personally experienced their highhandedness, yet I was unable to hold myself back.
" Calm down, Bittu, I mean no harm, we mean no harm. Yes, I agree, we have been a bit over dramatic about all this but that was also necessary. "
" Why was all this needed at all? Why the hell did you prevent me from meeting Anita? What was your motive in all this?" My voice was still high pitched.
" Look Bittu, it's time for you to know certain truths, truths which have been hidden from you. But we feel we should tell you what the facts are so that you don't misunderstand us" He said these words very calmly but seriously. He looked at his watch and suddenly got up.
" It's already past one, your parents will get worried about you. Go home now, don't tell anyone about this meeting. I shall meet you tomorrow at noon, here, at the same place and then I will tell you why we have been doing all this". With these words, he turned around and walked towards the exit. My anger had been replaced by curiosity and the desire to know the truth. I also got up and started rushing towards my home, knowing fully well that my folks must be worried by now. 

Part 59

No matter how authentic Abdul Sahab's sources might be, all this seemed absolutely ridiculous to me. Why on earth would Mr. Suri go to such lengths to  torture me? He wanted letters and pictures back. He wanted them because he thought I would use them against his daughter. I could understand his apprehension. It was obvious he did not trust me, he had no reason to. But he knew I was in Kashmir. He knew there was precious little I could do from here, even if I had wanted to. He had met my parents and given them a warning. Now what was the point in using his army contacts for such a trivial job? The army was in Kashmir for different reasons, not for preventing lovers from getting married. I could see Babuji was slightly taken aback by this piece of information,  but I didn't see any trace of fear on his tranquil face.  I was also not scared at all.
" So Abdul, what should we do, if the army people come in search of Bittu?" Babuji asked in a very calm manner.
" I think he should go back to Amritsar. He will be safe there. The army has a free hand here, they can go to any extent,  so why take a risk?" Abdul Sahab did not sound calm at all. He was definitely concerned.
"I am not going anywhere", I almost shouted. " I have already told you, I am not leaving this place without Babuji and Amma. If they stay here, I also stay here and let there be no argument about it.
"
" Bittuji, you are being foolish and stupid, in fact both.", Babuji said but not in anger." What do you think you will do here? You have already seen for yourself that we are living very comfortably, no harm is going to come to us. We have very good neighbors, they all take very good care of us. And look at Abdul, he is there for us , always."
" Moreover," Babuji continued, " You have to think about your future. You have a career to make. Believe me, there is no job for you here. Career opportunities out here are almost non existent. Remember, if you don't have a good job, who will marry you? I am sure one of the main reasons for Anita's parents rejecting you is your not having a job. And no matter how much this Anita girl loves you, if she loves you at all, she is not going to marry a jobless young man like you. So go back, take that job offer you already have and move on."
" I am not going anywhere and that is that. " I said, getting  up and leaving  the room in a huff .
I thought of going up to my room but seeing how pleasantly sunny the weather was, I decided to go and sit in the front lawn.
I was very surprised at myself. Surprised that all these days I had been here, I had not even bothered to look at the lawn, the lawn which had been one of my favourite places since my childhood. I recalled the wonderful moments I had spent here, playing with my brother, my cousins, my friends, the numerous scoldings we used to receive from my uncles and Babuji for spoiling the grass and the time I used to spend reading a book, sitting in one of those comfortable lawn chairs. Anita had possessed me in such a manner that I had forgotten the existence of this lawn. I looked around, the grass was green,  well mowed. It seemed Khalid took good care of it.  The chairs were exactly where they used to be,  although in not so good a condition.
I walked up to a chair and sat down. I looked up at the clear blue sky , such crystal blue sky was a luxury in Amritsar. I looked around me. The old garage still stood there and also the store next to it. I had not asked Babuji whether he had sold the car or if it was still there. When I was in my early years in school, we had a black coloured Fiat. Later on, Babuji bought an Ambassador. Babuji used to have a driver, named Ghulam Rasool, who  was a very affectionate human being, quite attached to all of us. I wondered where he was now. I really wanted to meet him. Oh, those days, those great days, how smooth and enjoyable my life used to be! Why did I leave Kashmir? Why didn't I stay on with my grandparents? Suddenly it dawned upon me that I had been selfish at that time also. Babuji and Amma wanted me to continue living with them but I had got it into my mulish mind that I wanted to stay with my real parents, Lalaji and Bahuji.  I knew my grandparents had been hurt at my decision but they did not stop me. In this manner , my sojourn in my beloved Kashmir ended.
I loved Kashmir, always had. I was reminded of the lines from one one of my favourite poems-
'Breathed there the man with soul so dead
Who never to himself had said,
This is my own, my native land.."
Yes, Kashmir was my birthplace, my native land. Had my soul really been dead that I had decided to leave it and its people? And mind you, I am talking of the time when Kashmir and Kashmiris weren't even aware of what violence was. We had roses,  but we had no guns. I was pained to the core , so much so that I almost forgot about my immediate problems.
" Bittuji, will you have Sheer Chai? Amma is making it for Abdul Sahab and I know you also love it".
These words brought me back to the present.
" Yes, Khalid, why not?"
Sheer Chai was salt tea in which the tea leaves used were different from the ones used in Kahwa. Milk was also added to it. We called it Sheer Chai, Muslims called it Noon Chai, Noon meant salt.
Now that my reverie had been broken, my mind was once again caught in the web of love, hate and deceit which seemed to have surrounded me.
Coming to Kashmir had made me forget some very important events which had taken place earlier. How had it slipped my mind that even before coming to Srinagar, I had known about Anita's engagement? I recalled that hurried visit to Chandigarh, that meeting with Urmila over lunch where she had told me that Anita's engagement had taken place with a Delhi boy. She had said, Anita was just leading me down the garden path, that she did not love me. When I refused to believe her, she said she knew her sister better than I did. I had not believed her because I always thought she was jealous of Anita. Urmila had made no bones about the fact that she was in love with me. All this had made her intentions malicious in my opinion. Maybe, she had been telling the truth.
After the meeting with Urmila, I had never met Anita. I had tried to contact her but she had avoided me. When I came to Srinagar, it was already known to me that Anita would be getting married soon. I knew I had lost her. I had been angry with her for not standing up to her parents but I recalled Babuji"s words. He was right. How could her parents have agreed to marry her off to a pauper like me, a man without a job? Anita had once told me she would like me to join the Civil services. She wanted me to prepare for the I.A.S. How come, I had forgotten all this?  She was ambitious, wasn't she?
Then I thought about the phone call. She had told me she was ready to run away from home, ready to come to Kashmir to marry me. She gave me her plans, the date, the flight number etc. I was so overwhelmed by her words that I had forgotten the earlier events. A girl who had decided to marry according to her parents' wishes, a girl who had made up her mind to betray her boyfriend of over six years, had suddenly  decided to take a gigantic step against the wishes of her parents. How did this metamorphosis take place?
 Bittuji, here is your Noon Chai and telwar." Khalid put the cup on a small stool in front of my chair and left. [Telwar can be called a Kashmiri variety of a bagel].
 As I started sipping tea, my mind continued working, uninterrupted. I thought about the phone call. Mr. Suri"s anger, his exchange of hot words with Babuji. What reason did Suri have to be angry with Babuji or me? As a matter of fact, why was he scared of me? How did he expect me to create problems in the marriage while sitting far away in Srinagar? A doubt started creeping into my mind. Was the man on the phone really Anita's father?
The moment this doubt crept in, another one followed. Did I talk to Anita? Was it actually Anita on the other side of the phone? She had talked in husky whispers. It may not have been Anita at all.
Who was she then? Who had come to Srinagar? Why had the army held me prisoner?  Why this new threat that Abdul Sahab had talked about? Why had Anita asked me to come to Chandigarh? The same day, her father had threatened Lalaji and Bahuji. He had  done the same thing earlier also then why again? Question after question kept flooding my mind, questions to which I needed answers. As I took my last sip of tea, it occurred to me that it was all wrong. Something very serious was taking place. Conspiracy theories started cropping up in my mind. I was sure there was a conspiracy being hatched to drive me away from Srinagar. Who would want me to leave Kashmir? I had to find the perpetrator or perpetrators of this conspiracy, if there were any.

Part 58

The fact that Suri Sahab had dared to threaten my parents made me mad with fury. How could he do such a thing? How dare he speak like that to my mother who had been a heart patient for years and Anita's father was very well aware of it. Had I been in Amritsar at that time, I would have really lashed out at him. I felt bad that my parents had to hear his nonsense and that too because of me.
" Do you have her letters and photos?" Babuji asked. He sounded angry but his anger was not directed at me, Suri's threat was what had made him furious.
"Yes, I do but I am not going to return them,never. Let Suri Sahab do whatever he wants to". I replied angrily.
" What can he do? His threats are hollow, I know that. What I am worried about is Bahuji. She has a weak heart. If he comes again and makes threats like these, Bahuji's health will suffer and you don't want that, do you? You wouldn't want your parents to suffer over such trifles, particularly your mother." Babuji was obviously making an effort to make me realise the importance of returning those letters and pictures.
" Of course, I don't want them to suffer in anyway but I also don't want them to be scared. I shall talk to Bahuji and tell her not to worry."
Babuji did not say anything. he was looking at me and I  could detect a little bit of scorn in his eyes.
At that moment, Khalid entered with the food and our conversation on the subject stopped for the moment. Amma soon followed and we all sat down to eat. I had no idea what I was eating. All my thoughts were elsewhere.
The moment we finished eating, Babuji got up and said he was tired and would like to sleep. Amma also followed but not before giving me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.
I also decided to go up to my room. I was not feeling sleepy but I had a lot of thinking to do. It was a dark night. A moonless night. As I looked out of the window of my room, I noticed that the street lights were not on. It was pitch dark. I  could see nothing except the stars in the sky. It was a clear sky and with the moon not around to dim their brightness, the stars were really shining . I remembered the moments when I used to look at the stars and start humming my favourite songs. But not that night. I was in no mood to enjoy the stars or hum songs. My heart felt heavy. I felt depressed. I wanted to sleep but I knew sleep would refuse to give me company. A lot was going through my mind.
Anita had asked me to come to Chandigarh and meet her father, She had said her father had agreed to discuss the prospect of her marrying me. The same day her father had visited my place in Amritsar and insulted my parents. If Anita was telling the truth, why did her father shout at my parents? How did her father know I had her letters and pictures? There was only one answer to this. Anita must have told him. But why?
Had Anita been lying to me? Did she want me in Chandigarh for some hidden purpose? What could that hidden purpose be? Several questions about her visit to Srinagar were still shrouded in mystery. A lot of doubts had started creeping in my mind now. The receptionist's words started coming back to me. The girl looked married. Why? Because of the bright clothes she was wearing, according to that Feroz guy. Was wearing such clothes a sign of being married? It wasn't and I knew that. Why did she share the same room with Prakash? She didn't have to. Had it been necessary for them to check in as husband and wife? They could have booked separate rooms. Why didn't they do that? And the most important question of all- was it really Anita who had been with Prakash? Anita's name had not been on the passengers' list. If she had come, she must have come under an assumed name. Why take up a false name? I did not see any reason for her to do that. What was the truth behind all this? Peace would remain elusive unless I found answers to all these questions.
I got up and opened my suitcase. I took out a huge bundle of letters and a big envelope of photographs.  These were the letters she had written to me over the last five years, she used to write to me everyday after she left Amritsar. I was very fond of photography so I had clicked a lot of pictures. These pictures and letters were my precious possession . I couldn't even dream of returning them. What the hell did her father think of me? Did he take me to be a blackmailer? Did Anita think I was capable of blackmailing ? Was she the one who wanted the letters and pictures back? If so. why had she called me up? Why this charade of inviting me to Chandigarh? I was being driven mad by all these thoughts.
Putting the letters and pictures back in the suitcase, I lay down on the bed. I must have been so deadbeat that I didn't even realise when sleep overcame me.
I opened my eyes to bright rays of sunlight falling on my face.  I jumped out of bed. It must have been quite late, I thought. I had overslept and that too on a night which  had been a very disturbing one for me.
There was a knock on the door. It was Khalid, telling me that breakfast had been served. In those days, we never had bed tea, at least not in Kashmir, certainly not in our home. I had become used to an early morning cup of tea in Amritsar but here it was straight to the breakfast table.

I had quick wash and entered the living room where Amma and babuji were waiting for me. Amma gave me her customary hug and I said namaskar to Babuji. I could see that instead of the normal rotis, there were girdhas on the plate. Girdhas were supposed to be a special variant of the Kashmiri Roti, they were smaller in size but thicker, they also had a little bit of ghee (butter oil) in them. Along with the girdhas, there were scrambled eggs. I loved this combination. It was amazing, what the sight of my favourite food would do to to me. I forgot my blues and pounced on the girdhas.
" Enough, Bittuji, how many will you eat?" Babuji remarked in good humour.
As soon, as breakfast was over, all of us shifted to the baithak. That used to be the routine.
"Bittuji, what will you have for lunch? I will cook one of your favourite dishes today." Amma asked.
" He will have anything you cook, he is not a kid anymore. Gone are the days when separate dishes were cooked for him. Don't you spoil him further, not that he needs anymore spoiling, he has already been spoiled more than enough". Although there was a twinkle in babuji's eyes, there was also a trace of irritation in his voice..
" I will cook Monjh Suen for you, you love it, don't you?" Amma asked me, ignoring Babuji's words.
" That will be great, Amma" I said.
Khalid was immediately called for and asked to go to the market to buy mutton etc. It looked like a curfew free day as no such word was mentioned.
As Khalid went out, Abdul Sahab entered. I had not seen him since the fiasco at the airport. He greeted me very affectionately as he always did.
" Aadab, Babuji, all well?"
" Yes, Abdul, things are as fine as they can be. So what is the latest news?"
" Nothing new. The same. Firing in some areas, curfew in others but no normal life anywhere".
 Would Kashmir ever be normal again, I wondered.  I doubted it, I doubted it very much. If there had been any chances of normalcy returning, everyone would not be insisting on Babuji and Amma leaving Kashmir.
After having discussed current topics and other things, Abdul Sahab became suddenly serious.
" I know I shouldn't ask, but any news of Anita?" The question was directed more at me than at Babuji.
" Lots of news, Abdul, lots of it" And then Babuji proceeded on to tell him all about the previous day's events. Anita's phone call, my prospects of going to Chandigarh and finally the developments in Amritsar.
" He, threatened them, did he? I hate this Suri man." He said vehemently.
He looked around the room and came closer to Babuji and me. Amma had already left the room so we were the only ones left there.
" I know now who sent the army to arrest Bittuji. This Suri guy has some friends in the army. One of them is a very senior army officer , posted in Chandigarh. It was at his behest that the officers here did what they did". I was a bit surprised at this. I had thought it was Prakash's doing. How did Abdul sahab know all these things? This was also a mystery to me. And then came another bombshell.

" The army will come here again today.  They will not let Bittuji rest in peace here. Suri is trying his best to show how dangerous he can be, even in Kashmir. So Bittuji should leave this place today itself".
" I am not going anywhere, I am staying here with Babuji and Amma. Let Suri do whatever he wants to"
" Fine, fine, don't leave Srinagar , but leave this house. I have talked to a friend of mine, you can stay with him for a few days. No one will be able to find you there, trust me" Abdul Sahab's voice had taken a slightly desperate tone.
What was I to do? I had proved how selfish I  was. Should I listen to Abdul Sahab and leave babuji and Amma at the mercy of the army. If the army didn't find me, would they spare my grandparents?

Part 57

Although in the heat of the moment and in a state of uncontrolled excitement, I may have said I would go to Chandigarh , come what may, there were a lot of things to be thought of. It was not going to be easy. Babuji had already given his opinion. Amma would surely support him. I, myself had questions which begged  answers.
" Congratulations, your darling Bittuji is going to Chandigarh. He wants to finalise his marriage. Happy, aren't you?" Babuji was speaking to Amma who had just entered the room.
" Chandigarh? Marriage? With whom? Has he found a new girl?" Amma seemed to be in a state of confusion, which was natural under the circumstances.
 "Ask him yourself, he will tell you everything in great detail, I am sure". Babuji could not keep the taunting tone out of his voice.
" What is your father saying? I am sure he is joking. It was  his habit to annoy you and always blame me for anything wrong  you used to do."
"Tell her, I am not going to say anything. It's your problem, your story, so you handle it". Babuji"s tone had become a little serious now.
"Amma, the phone call was from Anita."
" Anita? What does she want now? Hasn't she already caused enough problems for us, for you? I am telling you, my son, you stay away from her. She is nothing but trouble". It was obvious that Amma was not only disturbed but also angry.
" No, Amma, she is not going to create any problems. She really wants to marry me" I said, trying to be calm and also making an effort to sound loving and affectionate.
" But I don't want you to marry her. She has been making a fool of you. She told you she would come to this place and never did. She was going to get married, wasn't she? Then what happened?  She gave you this information just a few days before her marriage was to take place. What was the point in that? Had she really loved you, she would have never let things reach this far. She would have straightaway told her parents about you and refused to get married but instead she waited and then called you when it was too late. she was ready to disgrace her parents and we were fools who agreed to her coming here. No, Bittuji, I don't like her, I don't like her at all. You forget about her, is that clear" Amma had almost started shouting. This was unheard of, she never shouted, not at me. She had really lost her cool and for me it was unbelievable.
"Amma, I want to marry her and that is that. Her marriage did not take place. Her father has agreed to her marriage with me. He wants  me to discuss everything, that is why I have to go" I realised, I had also begun to lose my cool but I couldn't help it.
" If he wants his daughter to marry you, let him come and talk to us. We will not let you go there. I don't trust this Suri fellow. You saw how rudely he spoke to Babuji that day? No one speaks to him in that manner. These Punjabis are all the same. I want you to marry a Kashmiri girl, do you understand?" Amma was getting angrier by the minute. I had never seen her this angry before.
" Amma, you listen to me, I am not going to marry any Kashmiri girl. I love Anita and she is the one I shall marry, is that clear?" The famous or I should say notorious Bittu temper had started showing its colours.
" Stop it , Bittu, will you? Is this the way to talk to the woman who has nothing but love for you in her heart? You are not a kid anymore. Those juvenile tantrums of yours will not work anymore. You have always had your way. We have encouraged you to be obstinate and stubborn but not now, when you are grown up and realise what is right and what is not. What do you think, Anita is a toy, you ask for it and we will give it to you? You were a spoiled brat . I remember how , in the middle of the night, you wanted a toy which you had seen in a shop that day. You must have been 10 or 12 at that time. You started howling, you wanted that toy and wanted it immediately. We tried to make you understand that no shop would be open at 1 in the morning but you would have none of it. your shrieks and howls grew louder and louder. Amma asked me to do something, as she wanted to give you everything you wanted. I recall how I walked all the way to that shop, the owner had his residence above the shop. I woke him up. He understood because he knew how difficult you could be. I got the toy for you and only then did you go to sleep. I can never forget that night. And now, you are behaving the same way. You want Anita and you think we will buy her for you, the way I bought that toy, huh ?" Babuji was furious now.
" Babuji, please calm down, this anger is not good for your health. Don't worry. Bittuji is a sonagobur,{ literally,  it meant a son made out of gold} he will do exactly as we say, he has been through a lot of stress, he needs rest and then he will himself realise the folly of what he is thinking of doing". Amma's tone had changed to a very conciliatory one, She patted me on the head and then got up , saying, she would heat up the food as dinner time was approaching.
Babuji did not say a word. He picked up an old newspaper and started reading it. I knew he was not reading. It had been an old habit of his, whenever he wanted to ignore something, he would take the help of the newspaper.
" Babuji, what do you want me to do?"
" Ah, look who is asking? Have you ever bothered about what others wanted? You are asking me what you should do when you yourself know you are going to do what you want, so why ask me? But be clear about one thing, I will not let you go to meet Mr. Suri, You will not go to Chandigarh. This Suri fellow cannot be trusted. and to be frank with you, I don't even trust this Anita of yours. Now don't you start shouting at me?"Her name was nowhere on the passenger list.
" Babuji, why don't you understand? I love her, we have loved each other for over five years now. I know her very well. She is a very nice girl, believe me"
" Believe you, my foot. You were never a good judge of human character, anyone who talked to you sweetly was a wonderful person. So don't give me this nonsense about her being a good girl, I am not going to be swayed by your thinking"
" Babuji, she came all the way to this place to marry me, doesn't it prove she loves me?"
Who says she came to this place?  Her name was nowhere on the passenger list. And if she was really here why didn't she talk to you herself/ Why did she let Prakash do all the talking? You were not marrying Prakash, you were marrying Anita. One more thing for you to mull over. Anita knew the address of our house? What prevented her from coming here? What prevented Prakash from coming here? Both of them were aware of this address. And why were you picked up by the army the very day you were going to the hotel to meet Anita? There seems to be something very , very fishy about all this?" Babuji was talking to me but it appeared he was talking more to himself than to me. Whatever he said made sense but I was in no mood to have anything of it.
" Bahuji and Lalaji know Anita, don't they? You told me they do. They know the Suri fellow also. Let me talk to Lalaji". Before I could say anything Babuji picked up the receiver and started dialing.
" Hello, Lalaji? Kyasa waray tchew? (Are you all well?)
" We are all well. No, no, no, don't worry, Amma is also fine and so is Bittuji." I couldn't hear what Lalaji was saying but I could make out what he must be saying.
" Oh, I called for a very special reason. You know that girl Anita, the one Bittu wants to marry?"
" I knew you did. I am sure you know that Suri also, don't you?"
" You want to know why I am asking all this. I will tell you."
Babuji told him everything about Anita's phone call and my decision to go to Chandigarh. Babuji was listening to what Lalaji was saying and his face had started flushing with anger. He gripped the receiver tightly.
" Is that what he said, that bastard?" I was shocked. I had never heard Babuji use any expletives or swear words. This was the first time, I had heard him utter this word. Something really drastic must have happened.
" ok ok , don't you worry, just relax and look after Bahuji. All will be well. Namaskar". With these words, Babuji hung up the phone. He turned towards me. I knew I was about to hear some unpalatable news.
" Do you know hat has happened in Amritsar? That Suri gunda (goon) had come to meet lalaji and do you know what he said, do you? He threatened both Bahuji and Lalaji. He said his daughter was getting married soon . He warned them that if you don't return all Anita's letters and photographs within two days, he will have you arrested even if you were in Kashmir. He said that he would teach you such a lesson that you would not forget it your whole lifetime."

Part 56

The telephone was beside Babuji so he immediately picked up the receiver.
"Hello" Babuji had a habit of speaking loudly on the phone so his booming hello resonated in the whole room. I was wondering who it could be, my heart beating a little faster than normal. But why was I excited? What did I expect? Was I dense enough to think it would be Anita? There was no greater fool than a fool in love.
" May I know who is calling"? Babuji asked.
" Just hold on for a moment" Babuji said and looked at me. " It's for you, Bittuji.
"Who is it?"
 What do I know? Some girl who refuses to give her name and wants to talk to you only" Babuji seemed to be irritated.
I got up and went towards the phone. Who could it be? Could it be Anita? But why would she call? She had already given up on me.
" Hello" There was a slight trepidation in my voice.
" It;s me" My heart started pounding against my chest. It was she.
" Anita? Why did you call? Why now, when everything is over?" I was conscious of both Babuji and Amma looking at me. Suddenly Babuji got up and left the room. Was it in anger or did he want ne to talk freely? It seemed to be the latter as he asked Amma also to follow him. Babuji may have belonged to a generation which was very orthodox but he was a man of modern outlook, had always been so. Perhaps because he was very well read. With both my grandparents out of the room, I could now afford to talk with freedom. I desperately needed to do so.
" Who said everything is over, my dear Bittu? What makes you think so?"
" What else do you expect me to think? You came to Srinagar and left without even meeting me, If you were not interested in meeting me, what was the point in coming here at all?"
" Bittu, I came to you, I left my parents because you made a promise to me. What made you break that promise?"
" My darling, my sweetheart, I did not break any promise."
" Then why didn't you come to the hotel?' I was waiting for you. You broke my heart, Bittu. Do you think it was easy for me to come to Srinagar? If Prakash had not helped me, I wouldn't have been able to leave Chandigarh but now I feel trusting you was a huge mistake"
" Anita, when Prakash called me and asked me to come to the hotel, I immediately did so but something happened and I was unable to reach you"
" What could have happened to stop you from coming to me?"
I wanted to tell her about the army holding me prisoner but that would have sounded farfetch'd and she would have never  believed me. So what could I tel her? What excuse could I give? I wanted to tell her the truth but the truth could have landed me deeper into trouble.
" I met with an accident on the way to the hotel and had to be taken to the hospital. No serious injuries but how could my grandparents have allowed me to leave, Naturally, they refused to let out of their sight.."
" You were never good at telling lies, Bittu. I know you are lying but why?'
" Anita believe me. whatever I am saying is the truth. And I went to the hotel the very next day but you had checked out, you had already left for Delhi.I was devastated.'"
" Anita, do you know, the day I was supposed to come to the hotel, Prakash called Babuji and told him I was with you people and would be staying for the night. Why did he lie, Anita, why?'
" Don't blame Prakash. He would never do that. Come on, Bittu, he is your best friend, he loves you, he helped me only because of you and you are accusing him of God knows what. If you didn't want to meet me, you could have said so. I left everything and came to Srinagar and look what I got in return?"
"My dearest darling, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. Somebody has made a deliberate attempt to keep us apart"
" And why would anyone try to do that? My parents could have done it but they were in no position to do so. You were the one who chickened out at the last moment and now you want to lay the blame of your cowardice on someone else. What a shame, Bittu, what a shame! I had come with big dreams and expectations, I had started believing I would be your wife  soon after reaching Srinagar but little did I know, my darling Bittu would  shatter all my hopes. Oh, Bittu, I had thought of landing up in your arms, I had dreamt of you holding me tight and look what happened, instead I fell down straight on to a  bed of thorns. I shall never forgive you, Bittu, never"
" Anita, please listen to me. I love you to distraction. You are and will always be my love. You are the only love of my life. Why don't you believe me?'
" How can I , Bittu, how can I? I can neither believe you nor forgive you"
I wanted to tell her more about Prakash but I knew she would't believe me. I could have made her see the truth had we been talking face to face but how could I convince her over the phone, particularly when she was determined not to hear a single word against Prakash.
"Anita, tell me one thing. You had told me you would be coming on Wednesday, I went to the airport to receive you, I didn't see you there. Then I came to know, you had come on Tuesday. Why did you change your programme and didn't even bother to inform me?"
" Yes, you are right, we had to change our programme because Prakash got some inside information from his army contacts that all flights to Srinagar would be cancelled on Wednesday because of some security reasons. So we came a day earlier, what was wrong with that?"
"You could have, at least informed me'
" I tried to but your phone seemed to be out of order"
" Did you call yourself or did Prakash make the call?"
" What does it matter who made the call , the call was made but somehow couldn't get through?"
" Why did you have return tickets to Delhi? When you knew you were coming here to stay for good, why book a return ticket?"
" That was a precautionary measure, Bittu. We were going to a highly disturbed area, anything could have happened. The return tickets were a safety measure. Wait a moment, Did you say, tickets for Delhi, why would I go to Delhi? I came back to Chandigarh"
I wanted to tell her what the receptionist had told me but there was no point. She wouldn't have believed me.How did she have the courage to go back to Chandigarh? She had left her home, just a day before her marriage, her parents must have been furious, so what made her go back?
" Are you seriously telling me, you went back to your parents after all that had happened?"
"Yes, Bittu, I did. I realised my fault and I knew my parents would forgive me, after all I am their favourite daughter. And I was right. They did forgive me."
" What about your marriage?"
"My marriage is going to take place in ten days time. Didn't I tell you the date of my marriage?"
" Yes, you told me you were getting married in two days time when you called me up last time. Did you lie to me then or are you lying to me now?"
" I never lied to you. You seem to be confused. Maybe, you were not listening to me. Anyway, although I find it difficult to forgive you, I don't want to lose you. I still love you. The very thought of getting married to anyone else is anathema to me. I want you, Bittu, only you and if you still love me, come to Chandigarh and talk to my parents. They are prepared to listen to you. I have told my father to give you a chance. He has agreed, Now the ball is in your court, If you really love me, come and meet my parents. I am confident, they will agree. So are you going to come or not ?" These words came as a huge relief to me. I felt like a drowning man, who had just been pulled out of water, I thought I had lost her but she was mine would always be so.
" Oh, my sweetest of sweethearts, of course I will come. Oh, darling we will soon be in each other's arms. How happy I am!"
" Enough for now, my father will lash out at me if I talk more. I will keep in touch and remember you are coming to Chandigarh otherwise all will be lost" With these words , she hung up.
It was like rising from the dead. A short while ago, I had felt the world crashing around me, there seemed to be no hope but now the world was back on its feet and my heart was racing with joy. I knew it had been foolish of me to ask her to come to Srinagar, I knew I had been selfish in expecting my grandparents to get me married in such a secret manner, I had been nothing but trouble to them since I came here. But no more of this now. I would meet her parents and we would have a proper marriage. Oh, what supreme bliss!
" What did your Anita want now, why did she call?' I was so lost in myself that I did not notice Babuji entering the room.
" Babuji, there is some good news. Anita is not married. Her marriage will take place after sometime. I had been confused with the dates. She says she has talked to her parents and they have agreed to meet me. They want me come to Chandigarh"
" I see. First you called her to Srinagar , now she wants you to go to Chandigarh, what is this , some kind of a game?"
" No, Babuji, this is serious. She was angry, I didn't meet her here but now her anger has dissipated, her parents have forgiven her and agreed to give me a chance"
"And you believe her?"
Of course, I do" I said, with great emphasis.
" Bittu, I have never trusted your judgement. Your Amma has great faith in you but I don't. I feel you are very gullible. Anyone can make a fool of you. Didn't Prakash make a fool of you and who knows, Anita may have been in cohorts with him. Every chance of that, if you ask me."
In all this excitement, I had forgotten about the lies Prakash had told me, had told Babuji, I had forgotten the role he had played in having me picked up by the army. But, at the same time, I was sure Anita had no role to play in this.
" Bittu, listen to me and listen carefully. You lured Mr. Suri's daughter to this place. During my conversation with him, I felt he was a very vindictive man. I seriously doubt , he will forgive you. What if this is just a ploy to get you to Chandigarh ? What if there is some ulterior motive behind all this? No, we will not let you go to Chandigarh. I am not going to risk it. If your marriage to Anita has to be discussed, let Lalaji  meet her father and talk about it. Understand?"
I didn't believe a word of what Babuji had said. He seemed to have formed his own prejudices. I would go to Chandigarh, no matter what happened.

Part 55

Babuji's words struck me like a bolt of lightening. I was stunned into speechlessness. Anita had  not come to Srinagar, Prakash was accompanied by some unknown girl. All this did not make sense at all. And how on earth did Babuji come to know of all this? Who could have told him? I found it all impossible to believe, there was no logic behind all this. Anita had told me she was coming to Srinagar. I trusted her because I loved her. Trust and love go hand in hand. Why would Anita change her mind, why would she break her promise? If she had been unable to leave her house, she would have found a way of telling me so. She was bold and courageous. She was not the one to be cowed down by threats. If she made up her mind to do something, she did it. I could understand Prakash coming into the picture. I had been taken by surprise when I came to know that she had come to Srinagar with Prakash but later on I realised she must have needed help and who better than Prakash to ask for it. She knew Prakash was my best friend, she must have contacted him, told him about her problem and asked for his  help. Prakash was capable of going out of his way to help me. He was the one who must have booked the tickets. Anita had full faith in him. Prakash called me from the hotel, he asked me to come and meet Anita and take her home or rather bring her to my home. If Anita was not with him, why had he bothered to call me at all? All kinds of thoughts kept swirling in my mind.
"Babuji, how do you know all this?" Babuji was looking at me with some concern.
" We live in a small place, Srinagar is not a very big city. Word gets around. Lots of people know me, they are always worried about my welfare. Since you came to the city, there has been a lot of activity in our house. Khalid's unfortunate incident, your skirmish with the army, the coming of those army officers to my house, your moving around, all this has alarmed a few of my friends. Abdul knew about Anita. He was the one who took you to the airport. He was worried about you. He is an influential man, He has contacts in high places. He managed to find out that there was no one by the name of Prakash or Anita in that plane. He told me so. He saw the army picking you up. This really raised his hackles. He came to me and asked me where you had gone. I told him about your having gone to meet Anita. He did not say anything to me at that time, he thought and rightly so that we would be worried to death. He made enquiries on his own and found out a lot of things. The owner of the hotel is a friend of his, he got all the information about Prakash and his partner from the employees of Lake View. When you left in the morning, I could have told you that your going would be futile but I wanted you to find out for yourself. You wouldn't have believed me otherwise"
" But how did he find out it was not Anita? There was a girl with Prakash, the hotel people told me so and Abdul Sahab also got the same information. What I don't understand is why that girl could not have been Anita. I am sure she was Anita, she just couldn't have been anyone else" I said the last words very forcefully.
" Your faith in Anita is very touching. I admire that but just think for a moment. Why didn't Anita herself talk to you? Why did only Prakash talk to you? If Anita had been here, wouldn't she have been the first one to contact you? There were two or three phone calls from the hotel and it was always Prakash. Why? The answer is simple. Anita did not talk to you because she was not with Prakash. Anyway, the fact is, Abdul also got the passengers' manifest of the flight which they took to to Delhi. Anita;s name was not there. So what do you make of all this?"
" Anita must have been travelling under a false name. That is the only explanation" I refused to believe that Anita had let me down. Was I clutching at straws? Maybe, I was. Although Babuji's explanation sounded perfectly logical, I found it very hard to stomach. Not for nothing has it been said that love is blind.
" The hotel receptionist told me, a couple of army officers had come to meet Prakash. Why did they go to meet him? Has Abdul sahab any information on this?"
" Well, it seems Prakash has some friends in the army. It was Prakash who arranged your being picked up by the army. He didn't want you to come to the hotel and find out the truth.He told me you were with him and would be spending the night at the hotel. Why this lies? He knew I would raise heaven and earth to find you and he didn't want any trouble. Are you satisfied now?" Babuji was speaking normally now, he was aware of my distress. His tone was full of affection and worry, Gone were the belligerence and the sarcasm.
" But there is one point we are overlooking. If Anita was not coming, what was the purpose of Prakash's coming here? He had no other work here. I thought the only reason he was in Srinagar was to help Anita and me, If he was not here to help us, why was he here at all?" This was a question which kept hammering at my mind.
" I have also been thinking on the same lines, Bittuji, but I have not been able to come up with any plausible explanation. Don't worry, the truth will be out sooner or later. For the present, you just forget Anita and take some rest. You need it" Babuji remarked ,observing me very keenly
" Yes, my son, go up to your room and sleep for a couple of hours. Abdul has gone out to meet his brother, when he comes back, I will send up a cup of tea for you" Amma had been listening to our talk patiently, had not intervened at all, obviously she had already known all this. Babuji never kept any secrets from his partner of over 50 years or more.
More than sleep or rest, it was solitude I needed . I got up and simply raced up the stairs to my room, my favourite old room.
I wanted to lie down on the bed but I knew sleep would elude me so there was no point in turning and tossing around on the bed. I went to the window and sat on my chair, the chair on which I had spent many a pleasant moment. The best sight was the view of the mountain tops but I was in no mood to enjoy scenic beauty. There was a lot I had think of, a lot of puzzles needed to be solved, a lot of mysteries were waiting to be revealed but how, how would I be able to find answers to such baffling questions but try I had to, that is all I could do.
Anita had told me she would come to me, she had even given me the flight number. She was unable to tell me more as her father was hovering around her. Maybe she would have told me about Prakash also but she didn't have the time to do so. Undoubtedly she had made up her mind to leave her parents. I knew she was one hell of a determined woman. I had seen lots of examples of her courage and resolve.

Bittu, you say she was bold and courageous. In that case why didn't she say no to her parents, why did she agree to the marriage? Have you thought of this, you love lorn fool? Why did she wait till the last moment to tell you? It seems your darling Anita was not that brave after all, she was ready to ditch you and that's what she ultimately did.

There had to be a reason for her acting the way she did. She loved me, I was sure of that. She never lied to me, never did, never would, I was sure of that.

Then why didn't she come to Srinagar, you moron. Even intelligent people like you become idiots in love, dear Bittu.

I am not an idiot. I am selfish but I am not a fool, I am not stupid. And who says Anita didn't come? I am sure she was the woman with Prakash, it couldn't have been anyone else.

Why didn't she talk to you then, why did she let Prakash do all the talking? Don't you think she would have been dying to hear your voice the moment she landed in Srinagar? And , yes, the most important question of all. Why did she leave without meeting you, Why, Bittu, why? Come on, admit it now, she made a fool of you and she must be laughing at this very moment, laughing at your expense, telling everyone how naive Bittu is, Ha Ha Ha...

 Shut up, will you. Leave me alone now. I came here to my room to find some peace not to listen to your nonsense. But was it really nonsense? These were pertinent questions, questions which surely raised a lot of doubts and suspicions. Suddenly an old memory floated in front of eyes. Memory of the day when I introduced Prakash to Anita. The day they came face to face for the first time. I recalled the look in Prakash's eyes. He was staring at Anita but it was not the staring that troubled me, it was the expression in those eyes. At that time, I had not thought much of it but now I recalled that particular expression very vividly. The eyes were full of desire, maybe even lust. Was it possible Prakash wanted Anita for himself and he was deliberately keeping me away from her? But how could he do that? Anita would have never allowed herself to become a tool in his hands. I felt I was going mad. Sitting here, I would not be able to find answers to all these questions. If I wanted to find out the truth, I had to leave Srinagar.

Leave Srinagar? What a self centered and ungrateful son you are? Have you forgotten the original purpose of your visit to Srinagar? You were supposed to persuade Babuji and Amma to leave Kashmir, remember? When they refused, Bhaisahb left but you decided to stay behind to look after your beloved grandparents, didn't you?  And what are you doing now,? You are  only causing them pain and trouble, Oh how I hate you, Bittu, how I hate you!

I put my elbows on the table, my hands over my eyes and started sobbing, sobbing uncontrollably. Tears kept streaming down my face. The sound of my crying could be heard outside the room but who could  hear poor Bittuji , so far away from the ground floor? Whatever was happening was cathartic. I had been holding myself back for a long time, I needed a big cry. Catharsis was what I needed and that's what I was having.

" Bittuji, bon Tchiy chayi praran" ( they are waiting for you for tea downstairs) It was Khalid. My back was towards the door so he could not see my face.

" Tell them I  will be down in a couple of minutes." I replied, without turning around. I didn't want him to see my tear stained face.

When I entered the baithak, tea had already been laid on the sheet. I could see a plate full of katlams, no doubt Khalid had got them, got them for this ungrateful wretch. I had washed my face . I thought I looked as fresh as could be.

" Hope you had a good sleep, feeling a bit better now?"

 "Yes, Babuji, I slept well and I am feeling much better now."

I sat down and started having Kahwa. I had just had the first sip when a shrill sound pierced the silence of the room. It was the ringing of the telephone.

Part 54

It was nearing 2pm when I entered the house. I knew I was late, very late. Both Babuji and Amma must have had their lunch, they were very particular about having lunch at 1.  This was a special day for them, at least in my opinion, Anita was coming and it was highly probable that they might be waiting for both of us in the hope of having food together. Would they be disappointed at not seeing Anita with me? It was equally possible that it might be a relief for them. after all the presence of Anita could mean a lot of trouble for them.
I entered the drawing room, I thought that is where they would be and I was not wrong. Babuji was sitting in his favourite chair and Amma was sitting in the corner , saying something which I could not catch.
" Here comes the Latsahab, the lord of everything he surveys. You left very early in the morning, what took you so long? I am surprised that Anita didn't tell you that we might be worried, I thought she was a very wise girl, that's what you told us, didn't you? By the way, where is she, have you kept her waiting outside?" Babuji's words were laced with sarcasm and the tone no less.
I tried to speak but my tongue did not support me. I was at a loss for words. What could I say? I was reluctant to tell lies and the truth was something I would not be able to explain. But this time all escape doors were closed for me. I glanced at Amma and saw her staring at me with some kind of an apprehension. what was she afraid of, I wondered?

" Come on, Bittuji, ask her to come in, what are you scared of, we are not wolves who will gobble her up, we are here to welcome her with open arms. We made a promise to you that we will get you married to her and I am sure, you know, we don't break our promises or have you lost faith in us?" Babuji seemed to be in an unusually belligerent mood.

" She is not with me, Babuji", I finally managed to find my voice.

" What, not with you, then where is she? Did she refuse to come with you?"

" She was willing to come with me but we could not find a cab, she has lots of luggage with her, you see. It would have been impossible to fit it into an auto rickshaw. I have booked a cab for her, she will be here by the evening" I lied shamelessly.

" Really, did she bring all her wardrobe with her? How did she manage to do that? She ran away from home so in what miraculous way did she manage to pack all her clothing etc?" Babuji had calmed down, now his tone had changed into a mocking one. He seemed to be making fun of me and enjoying it but why? Why was he making fun of me?

"Please, you can talk about this later, let him have lunch first. My poor son must be famished. Bittuji, I prepared ABC and D also today. Never cooked so many dishes in my life. But my daughter in law was coming and she deserved a special meal". Amma had suddenly sprung into action, perhaps she sensed this conversation between Babuji and me might take an ugly turn.

" You have really spoiled him", Babuji turned his ire towards Amma. " Do you seriously think he is hungary? Remember he has come back from Hotel Lake View, one of the most luxurious hotels in Srinagar, do you think his friends must have sent him away without treating him to lunch? I am sure he must have had a delicious meal, right Bittuji?"

" I can see from his face that he hasn't had anything to eat, a mother can always sense such things. Now, you please stay quiet for sometime, let him have his food and then you you can say whatever you want to" Amma looked at Babuji, did not bother to wait for an answer and headed for the kitchen. Babuji gave me a withering look but did not say anything.

I was really feeling hungry. And the thought of having all these dishes of my choice made my hunger pangs grow stronger. Amma must have worked very hard to prepare ABCD. In Kashmiri Pandit lexicon, A meant Roganjosh, B meant Kaliya, C meant yakhni and D meant meatballs. All the four were mutton dishes. Anita would have enjoyed the food, she was very fond of Kashmiri dishes, especially mutton dishes. The moment this thought came to my mind, my hunger seemed to vanish. I was not in a mood to eat anything but saying no to food would cause great distress to Amma, so I took off my shoes and sat down, not bothering to think that Amma might need help. How selfish have you become, Bittu? Never imagined you could be so insensitive! 

Amma bought the food. A thali with a heapful of rice  along with small bowls filled with the dishes which she had talked about. She had also made Haakh (collard greens) , green leafy vegetables of which the Kashmiris were very fond. Although, I had thought I would not be able to do justice to the food, the moment I started eating I not only polished off whatever was in the thali,remember Kashmiris used big thalis, but also asked for more. Whoever said that sadness takes away your appetite did not know what he was talking about.

Amma fussed over me while I ate. There was an expression of bliss on her countenance as she watched me devovour everything that she had put in my thali. All this time Babuji did not utter a single word. He had picked up a newspaper and was reading it or pretending to. Amma made me wash my hands there itself and also gave me a towel to wipe my hands with. I did not make the smallest effort to get up. You lazy Bittu, you should be ashamed of yourself!

Now that I had had my fill, I rested my back against the bolster behind me. All baithaks or drawing rooms had a lot of bolsters placed against the walls for the guests to relax. I desperately wanted to place my head on the bolster and try to sleep away my blues but I knew Babuji had still a lot to talk about.

" You were truly very hungry. Seems your friends forgot their manners in Amritsar or Chandigarh or wherever they had come from. How indecent of them!" Words oiled with sarcasm.

" So Bittuji, what time will the cab pick up your dear dear Anita and also your best friend, Prakash?" Babuji asked , the tone unchanged.

" I am sorry, Babuji, I lied to you. They are not coming. Both Anita and Prakash had left the hotel before I reached there" I had no choice but to come out with the truth. How long would I continue to play this game of deception?

" Ha Ha Ha, you lied, Bittuji lied, wonderful. What happened to that Satyawadi Harishchandra in you,? You have been feeding us one lie after the other but I did not say anything as I wanted to see how long you would continue weaving this web of lies. Now let me tell you something. I knew you were making up stories because I know what the truth is. " These words left me open mouthed. The truth? What truth was he talking about and how could he know the truth?

" You don't believe me, do you? Of course you don't. How can you even imagine that I know all the facts just by sitting at home but I know everything, maybe much more than you do" Surprisingly, Babuji's voice had softened a little, he almost sounded sympathetic.

Much more than I did? What did Babuji mean by that? First of all, how could he know what I knew, that itself appeared impossible and on top of that he was saying he knew more than I did. The clouds around me became darker, the mystery deepened and even good old Hercule Poirot could not come to my rescue here.

" Let him take some rest, can't you see how tired he is? You can tell him all that you want to later, what's the hurry?" Amma, who was reclining against another bolster , spoke with authority. But Babuji was in no mood to listen.

" Let me speak, will you"? Babuji shouted. I was startled. I had seldom heard him shout and that too so loudly. He had always been a very soft spoken man, rarely, if ever, showing any outbursts of anger. Everybody admired him for his ability to keep calm no matter what the provocation. There were people, people in the family, who would swear that they had never seen Babuji lose his temper and they were right. But since my coming to Srinagar, I had seen him lose his temper at least thrice, all because of this selfish brute named Bittu.

 " You are responsible for having spoiled him and for having made him what he is", Babuji continued railing at Amma. Poor Amma, sensing his mood, did not say a word. " When he was a child, you went out of your way to fulfill all his demands no matter how unreasonable they used to be. So much so that he started thinking that if he asked for the moon, he would get it. And that is what he is  doing now. He wants the moon and he thinks he will get it because we have made him believe so" Babuji  used'we' instead of 'you' admitting that he also had a hand in spoiling me.
" If you know the truth, tell me what it is?", I asked.
" I am sure you already know most of it but you don't know the whole of it. But first let me tell you  we know all about where you were the other night. We know the army picked you up and kept you imprisoned the whole day and night. I am not going to forgive them for that", the last words were said in a low voice,  like he was talking to himself. " Prakash lied to me over the phone that day. Told me you were with him when he very well knew where you were. And before I go into other details, let me tell you something which will knock you off your feet.  Anita never came to Srinagar. She didn't come to Kashmir at all. The girl with Prakash was someone else"  

Part 53

On hearing what the receptionist said,  I turned absolutely pale. I was stunned. I was shocked. My mind went totally blank. I gripped the edges of the counter so hard that my fingers started hurting but my mind had become too numb to notice the physical pain.
" Are you alright sir, is anything wrong, should I get you a glass of water?" There was concern in his voice.
" Oh, everything is fine, don't worry' I replied,getting hold of myself. I had no intention of looking like a fool. I gathered my thoughts together and tried to get my mind working again.
 " I need your help,eh I didn't get your name, what did you say your name was?" I was trying to be as polite as I could.
" I am Feroz, sir. How can I be of any help to you, sir?"
" Well, Mr. Feroz, I just need some answers to a few questions, I hope you won't mind my asking?"
" Whatever I can do to help, sir. If I have the answers to your questions, I shall certainly answer them. Anything for a fellow Kashmiri,sir" He was being very polite. It was obvious he understood that I had been greatly shaken by the news of his guests having gone to the airport and it seemed, at least to me, that he genuinely wanted to help.
" Were you on duty the whole day yesterday?"
" Yes, sir, I am on duty on all week days from 8 in the morning to 5 in the evening" He answered, giving me a close look, wondering why I was asking all this.
" Is it possible for you to tell me what time they checked in day before yesterday?" I had started acting like a detective. I couldn't help thinking it was the Hercule Poirot effect upon me, after all I was a great fan of his.
" Not day before yesterday,sir, they checked in three days ago" Another bolt from the blue for me.
" No, that's not possible, Feroz Sahab, they arrived in Srinagar only day before yesterday, how could they have checked in three days ago? Please check your guest register", I almost pleaded .
" No need for me to do that ,sir. We hardly have any guests checking in these days. As a matter of fact, Mr. and Mrs. Prakash were our only guests in the past two weeks so how can I forget?"
" Mr. and Mrs.?', I asked, totally stupefied. " Did they check in as husband and wife?" I had suddenly started feeling dizzy.
" Of course, sir. And they seemed to be newly married considering the way the lady was dressed"
" What do you mean ? How was she dressed?" His answers were too much for me to handle.
" Oh, well, sir, you know how Punjabi women dress when they have just been married, bright colours, make up and all. In the good old days, we had lots of newly married couples staying with us, Kashmir was a favourite honeymoon destination, wasn't it?"
I couldn't argue with that, it was the truth. But Anita's being dressed in colourful clothes or their checking in as husband and wife, didn't mean they were actually married. It was safe for them to check in as a married couple to avoid uncomfortable questions. What disturbed me was that they had reached Srinagar a day earlier than the day Anita had told me. Why this subterfuge? Why lie to me? Why ask me to come to the airport at all? It was then that I realised why I had not been able to meet Anita at the airport.  All this was beyond my comprehension, I felt I was going mad. But the detective in me refused to rest in peace.
" Did they stay in the same room"? What a foolish question to ask!
" Of course, they did, sir, they were a married couple" He gave me another strange look.
" I know I am taking a lot of your time, Mr. Feroz but just a couple of more questions, if you don't mind?"
" I don't mind at all ,sir, go ahead and ask me as many questions as you want. Anything for a fellow Kashmiri, sir" His eyes were twinkling , it was clear that he was finding all this very entertaining.
" During their stay here, did they go out anywhere?"
" No, sir, they didn't but that was natural , considering the situation. They stayed inside all the time. and they ordered meals from room service, never came down to the restaurant"
" Did anyone come to meet them ?"
" A couple of  Indian Army officers did come to meet them, sir, they went straight up to their room"
' You have been a great help, Mr. Feroz. Just one last question. Were their tickets for Delhi booked from the hotel?"
' Not at all, sir. They had return tickets. They told me so when they checked in"
It was becoming too much for me now. All kinds of thoughts were going through my mind, my mind was full of questions, the answers to which I could not get from Feroz. I asked for a glass of water, thanked him profusely and walked out of the hotel.

I reached Bouleward Road.  I saw the waters of the Dal Lake and the hills in the background but I was unable to see the beauty of it all. A storm was brewing in my heart and mind , I didn't know what to do and where to go. It seemed I had been buried under an avalanche and that's where I would stay. I crossed over to the parapet and sat down , facing the road and not the lake.
The road was almost deserted. This was the same road which used to be full of people, locals and tourists alike but at that time both were conspicuous by their absence. There were a few people wandering around but just a few. A lot of security forces were moving around with guns in their hands. The road seemed to have turned from a tourist paradise into a local warzone. I noticed all this but didn't have the energy or the will to think of why all this had happened. My thoughts were with Anita and Prakash.
Why had Anita given me the wrong date of arrival in Srinagar? Why did she have to do that? Why and how had Prakash managed to accompany Anita? I could understand their checking in as husband and wife but  why did they have to share the same room? The very thought of Anita having spent three nights with Prakash drove me mad.Maybe it was a compulsion. Having checked in as a married couple, they had no other choice but to stay in the same room. Prakash was my best friend and Anita was my beloved, how could I suspect them of having betrayed me? and yet, I was plagued by doubts.  There were some other things which baffled me. Why did  Prakash lie to Babuji, why did he tell him that I was with them when, in fact, I had been detained by the army? Last but not the least was the question - why come to Srinagar at all if they had no intention of meeting me, why book return tickets when Anita had no plans of going back? It was mystifying and it shattered whatever little peace of mind I had. I happened to glance at my watch. It was well past 1. Babuji and Amma would be waiting for me.
I had told them I would be bringing Anita home. I was sure Amma must have prepared delectable Kashmiri cuisine for her darling Bittuji's wife to be. They must be waiting for me and here I was, sitting by the banks of the Dal and drowning in my own misery.
It was time to go back. I got up and started a slow walk towards Dal Gate. I knew I would manage to get a some means of transport from there. I trudged along, head bowed, totally unaware of what was going on around me. Now the paramount thought in my mind was what reason I would give for not having Anita with me. Tell my grandparents, who doted on me, who were prepared to to go any distance to see me happy, another lie after the one I had told them the previous day. Why, oh why, did I find myself in such a predicament? It was my fault. In my obsession for Anita, I had forgotten the basic purpose of my coming to Srinagar. My passion had blinded me to the real reason I had stayed back after Bhaisahab had gone back. I was supposed to look after my grandparents, I was supposed to slowly persuade them to leave Srinagar. Instead, I had burdened them with my problems and expected them to help me in getting married to Anita. How selfish love had made me!
I reached Dal Gate and saw some activity , there were vehicles moving, people shopping and for a moment I thought I was in my old paradise but then my eyes fell on a heavily armed army bunker and I was brought back to the harsh reality of present day Kashmir. But at that time, the problems of Kashmir had taken a backstage and all I could think of was Anita.
I had thought I might find it difficult to get an auto rickshaw but luckily I found one immediately. I hopped in and we started moving towards Karan Nagar. I didn't start a conversation with the driver. I was in no mood to. I did not look at my surroundings. I sat quietly , completely immersed in my own problems.
" Here you are , jenab. This is Magazine House." The driver said, stopping exactly at the gate of my house. I paid him and got off.
I opened the gate, not knowing what I would tell them once I was inside, I knew I would have to face a barrage of questions, particularly from Babuji and I had no answers whatsoever.