I decided to go inside. I peeped into the baithak and saw that Abdul Sahab and Babuji were busy talking. I went to the living room. There was nobody there. Amma was not in the Kitchen also. I glanced at my watch. It was nearing 12. Amma must have prepared lunch and gone up to her room. In the good old times, when the house was full of people and Amma did not have to bother about the kitchen etc, she would go upstairs to her room and take a nap or do whatever she wanted to do. She would come down only when lunch was served. As far as I remembered, she had lived her life like a queen , with domestic help, daughters- in- law and others at her beck and call. Now she was looking after everything . My coming had added to her burdens. It must have been tiring for her, cooking special dishes for me almost everyday. I felt guilty about it all . I told myself that I would tell her to just make one simple dish a day. Babuji was a very frugal eater. I knew he was satisfied with Haakh Batta, i.e. rice and haakh and occasionally a mutton dish. Since I had come, not a single day had passed, without my being treated to sumptuous meals. I would tell her not to do so anymore. Why had I started behaving like a spoiled teenager all over again? Making unrealistic demands, expecting Babuji and Amma to fulfill all my wishes, the way they used to , when I was much younger, even going to the extent of asking them to get me married to Anita and that too in a surreptitious manner.
Suddenly, I felt relieved Anita had not come. Babuji and Amma would have done what I wanted them to , but it would have caused them immense pain and trouble as well. What a fool I was! Enough of all this stupidity , enough was enough .
I felt an urge to go out for a walk. Walking would freshen up my mind. Khalid had a room at the back of the house. I went there and told him I was going out and would be back in half an hour. He tried to stop me, telling me it wasn't safe to venture out but I did not listen to him and asked him to inform Babuji, if he asked where I was. We had a small entrance gate at the back also, I went out that way. As soon as I stepped out, I turned left, towards the main road which I could see from the window of my room.
There was hardly anyone on the road. I looked around me, glanced at the big houses on both sides of the road. There was no sign of life. Houses which , once upon a time, not so long ago, used to be bustling with activity, were now as quite as graves. Not a sound from anywhere. People had left their home and hearth , they had left because they felt unsafe, they felt they would be killed. It was clear to me that in this neighborhood, ours was the only house which was still occupied, that too only due to the stubborn determination of my grandparents.
I walked on and reached the main road. I had taken an auto rickshaw from this very road the other day , the day I had gone to meet Anita. That day I was so lost in myself that I had not bothered to look at my old haunts. My mind was still not free, I had a lot to think about but I managed to drive all that away and observe what was going on around me. The presence of the armed forces could not be ignored. They were prowling like tigers looking for their prey. With guns in their hands, they looked menacing. There was no curfew today, so there were a number of people and vehicles on the road. The shops were open, not all but most of them. All the shopkeepers recognised me and greeted me very affectionately. Some hugged me, some talked about my childish pranks, some remarked about how royally babuji and Amma had brought me up. All the shopkeepers were Kashmiri Muslims. Kashmiri Pandits preferred white collar jobs and considered it beneath their dignity to do any kind of business. We had Pandit shopkeepers and businessmen but very few and they were looked down upon with a degree of contempt. I could never understand this attitude of my community.
I felt very happy at the way these old shopkeepers showered their affection upon me. I could not detect the slightest bit of hatred in them, the hatred which I had been told, they had for us Kashmiri Pandits. Perhaps, it was this love which gave Amma and Babuji the confidence to stay on in this strife torn place.
I continued walking till I reached another of my childhood haunts. It was a small park , just adjacent to the well known National School. The park was empty, not a single soul to be seen. Another rare sight for me. This park had always been a hub of activity. How things had changed! I entered the park and sat down on one of the benches. It was in a dilapidated condition but safe enough to sit on.
As I was thinking about all the mysteries surrounding me, I did not notice a man coming up and sitting beside me. I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard his voice.
" Hello, Bittu, what are you doing here? I thought you would be too scared to move out of your house after all that has happened?" The man's tone was a friendly one but I did not fail to notice a slight mockery in his words.
" What the hell? Who are you and how do you know my name?" I asked angrily.
Relax, man, I come as a friend. Why do you see only enemies around you?"
" I have never seen you before, I don't know you from Adam. How can you be my friend?"
"Right, you don't know me but I know a lot about you. You will be surprised how much I know" He said with a smile lurking on his lips. He was a young man in his late twenties. He was very good looking , one could call him handsome. He was wearing a sky blue shirt and black trousers, very formally dressed, indeed. Could he be from the army? That was a very distinct possibility. He had followed me here. He must have been watching the house, otherwise how did he know I was in the park? Abdul Sahab had told me that the army was bent upon creating problems for me. Was this man a part of that trouble?
"And what do you know about me ,Mr. er,, I didn't catch your name, what did you say your name was?"
" I didn't tell you my name. I am Atul, Atul Sehgal." He extended his hand, I also did the same and we shook hands.
"Are you in the army?' I asked, somewhat rudely.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha", his loud guffaw echoed in the whole park. " All you can think of is the army, why can't you get the army off your mind?"
" How can I? You people, I mean the army people, have been creating hurdles in my way, right since the day I came here. Don't you think it's only natural for me to think of the army as my enemy"?
" I can understand your feelings. I accept you have been treated roughly but we don't mean any harm, none at all". He said, his words taking somber tone.
" So, you admit you are from the army and you have been following me?"
" Yes, I admit it. I am a captain in the army, I didn't want to keep it a secret from you, just felt like having a little bit of fun, sorry for that" His apology sounded sincere.
" Now, what do you want from me, Captain Atul? Your people have beaten me up, your people have tortured our domestic help, your people have misbehaved with my grandfather and you people are interfering in my personal life, what else do you want now?" I couldn't restrain myself, my anger was getting the better of me. Prudence told me to talk to this man politely, I had been warned that the army in Kashmir were capable of doing anything and had personally experienced their highhandedness, yet I was unable to hold myself back.
" Calm down, Bittu, I mean no harm, we mean no harm. Yes, I agree, we have been a bit over dramatic about all this but that was also necessary. "
" Why was all this needed at all? Why the hell did you prevent me from meeting Anita? What was your motive in all this?" My voice was still high pitched.
" Look Bittu, it's time for you to know certain truths, truths which have been hidden from you. But we feel we should tell you what the facts are so that you don't misunderstand us" He said these words very calmly but seriously. He looked at his watch and suddenly got up.
" It's already past one, your parents will get worried about you. Go home now, don't tell anyone about this meeting. I shall meet you tomorrow at noon, here, at the same place and then I will tell you why we have been doing all this". With these words, he turned around and walked towards the exit. My anger had been replaced by curiosity and the desire to know the truth. I also got up and started rushing towards my home, knowing fully well that my folks must be worried by now.
Suddenly, I felt relieved Anita had not come. Babuji and Amma would have done what I wanted them to , but it would have caused them immense pain and trouble as well. What a fool I was! Enough of all this stupidity , enough was enough .
I felt an urge to go out for a walk. Walking would freshen up my mind. Khalid had a room at the back of the house. I went there and told him I was going out and would be back in half an hour. He tried to stop me, telling me it wasn't safe to venture out but I did not listen to him and asked him to inform Babuji, if he asked where I was. We had a small entrance gate at the back also, I went out that way. As soon as I stepped out, I turned left, towards the main road which I could see from the window of my room.
There was hardly anyone on the road. I looked around me, glanced at the big houses on both sides of the road. There was no sign of life. Houses which , once upon a time, not so long ago, used to be bustling with activity, were now as quite as graves. Not a sound from anywhere. People had left their home and hearth , they had left because they felt unsafe, they felt they would be killed. It was clear to me that in this neighborhood, ours was the only house which was still occupied, that too only due to the stubborn determination of my grandparents.
I walked on and reached the main road. I had taken an auto rickshaw from this very road the other day , the day I had gone to meet Anita. That day I was so lost in myself that I had not bothered to look at my old haunts. My mind was still not free, I had a lot to think about but I managed to drive all that away and observe what was going on around me. The presence of the armed forces could not be ignored. They were prowling like tigers looking for their prey. With guns in their hands, they looked menacing. There was no curfew today, so there were a number of people and vehicles on the road. The shops were open, not all but most of them. All the shopkeepers recognised me and greeted me very affectionately. Some hugged me, some talked about my childish pranks, some remarked about how royally babuji and Amma had brought me up. All the shopkeepers were Kashmiri Muslims. Kashmiri Pandits preferred white collar jobs and considered it beneath their dignity to do any kind of business. We had Pandit shopkeepers and businessmen but very few and they were looked down upon with a degree of contempt. I could never understand this attitude of my community.
I felt very happy at the way these old shopkeepers showered their affection upon me. I could not detect the slightest bit of hatred in them, the hatred which I had been told, they had for us Kashmiri Pandits. Perhaps, it was this love which gave Amma and Babuji the confidence to stay on in this strife torn place.
I continued walking till I reached another of my childhood haunts. It was a small park , just adjacent to the well known National School. The park was empty, not a single soul to be seen. Another rare sight for me. This park had always been a hub of activity. How things had changed! I entered the park and sat down on one of the benches. It was in a dilapidated condition but safe enough to sit on.
As I was thinking about all the mysteries surrounding me, I did not notice a man coming up and sitting beside me. I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard his voice.
" Hello, Bittu, what are you doing here? I thought you would be too scared to move out of your house after all that has happened?" The man's tone was a friendly one but I did not fail to notice a slight mockery in his words.
" What the hell? Who are you and how do you know my name?" I asked angrily.
Relax, man, I come as a friend. Why do you see only enemies around you?"
" I have never seen you before, I don't know you from Adam. How can you be my friend?"
"Right, you don't know me but I know a lot about you. You will be surprised how much I know" He said with a smile lurking on his lips. He was a young man in his late twenties. He was very good looking , one could call him handsome. He was wearing a sky blue shirt and black trousers, very formally dressed, indeed. Could he be from the army? That was a very distinct possibility. He had followed me here. He must have been watching the house, otherwise how did he know I was in the park? Abdul Sahab had told me that the army was bent upon creating problems for me. Was this man a part of that trouble?
"And what do you know about me ,Mr. er,, I didn't catch your name, what did you say your name was?"
" I didn't tell you my name. I am Atul, Atul Sehgal." He extended his hand, I also did the same and we shook hands.
"Are you in the army?' I asked, somewhat rudely.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha", his loud guffaw echoed in the whole park. " All you can think of is the army, why can't you get the army off your mind?"
" How can I? You people, I mean the army people, have been creating hurdles in my way, right since the day I came here. Don't you think it's only natural for me to think of the army as my enemy"?
" I can understand your feelings. I accept you have been treated roughly but we don't mean any harm, none at all". He said, his words taking somber tone.
" So, you admit you are from the army and you have been following me?"
" Yes, I admit it. I am a captain in the army, I didn't want to keep it a secret from you, just felt like having a little bit of fun, sorry for that" His apology sounded sincere.
" Now, what do you want from me, Captain Atul? Your people have beaten me up, your people have tortured our domestic help, your people have misbehaved with my grandfather and you people are interfering in my personal life, what else do you want now?" I couldn't restrain myself, my anger was getting the better of me. Prudence told me to talk to this man politely, I had been warned that the army in Kashmir were capable of doing anything and had personally experienced their highhandedness, yet I was unable to hold myself back.
" Calm down, Bittu, I mean no harm, we mean no harm. Yes, I agree, we have been a bit over dramatic about all this but that was also necessary. "
" Why was all this needed at all? Why the hell did you prevent me from meeting Anita? What was your motive in all this?" My voice was still high pitched.
" Look Bittu, it's time for you to know certain truths, truths which have been hidden from you. But we feel we should tell you what the facts are so that you don't misunderstand us" He said these words very calmly but seriously. He looked at his watch and suddenly got up.
" It's already past one, your parents will get worried about you. Go home now, don't tell anyone about this meeting. I shall meet you tomorrow at noon, here, at the same place and then I will tell you why we have been doing all this". With these words, he turned around and walked towards the exit. My anger had been replaced by curiosity and the desire to know the truth. I also got up and started rushing towards my home, knowing fully well that my folks must be worried by now.
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