Who is she,part 18

It was my first visit to Chandigarh and I had no idea how far Sector 17 was from Sector 17. I had heard that sector 17 was the commercial and shopping hub of the city and everyone who came to Chandigarh would make it a point to visit this posh market. But the poshness or otherwise of 17 sector was not of any interest to me. I wanted to be there and be there fast. I was deeply troubled by the fact that Anita had gone to Delhi. Her last letter to me which she had written about five days back had made no mention of her going to Delhi. This meant the decision of going to Delhi had been a sudden one. Why had she gone and that too when her classes were on? I wanted to know and Urmila was the one who was going to tell me.

 I looked for an auto stand, fortunately I was close to the main gate of the University and there was an auto rickshaw stand right outside it. I jumped into the first auto that I saw and said’ Sector 17”. I didn’t ask about the fare, I had no time or patience to haggle over fares. The auto was immediately on its way and I thought it was going too slow. It wasn’t but such was my mental state that even fast seemed slow to me. I don’t remember how long it took, but the auto stopped and the driver remarked, “Here you are Sir”.

I got off, paid him whatever he asked for and looked around. I was in the middle of a huge concrete jungle. There were shops and shops all around, shops on the ground floor, shops on the first floor and although it was very hot, people were moving around in hordes. It seemed people had enough time on their hands but time was one thing I did not have. I quickly asked somebody the way to Neelam Cinema and he pointed towards a building which was right in front of me. I could see Amitabh Bacchan staring down at me from a giant poster but even this giant of a man seemed to dwarf before my gigantically desperate mental state.

I had no time for movies although under normal circumstances I would have taken great interest in knowing which movie was running and even thought about watching it, but these were not normal circumstances. There was a lot of open space in front of the cinema hall; in fact there were huge open spaces all around.  I stood exactly in front of the building and waited for Urmila. She was nowhere to be seen. She had said fifteen minutes and half an hour had already passed since then. Where was she? Why wasn’t she coming? Would she be coming at all? Had she made a fool of me? My mind was in a tizzy and I had almost begun to lose hope when my eyes fell on a beautiful looking girl in a maroon salwar suit walking briskly towards me. I heaved a sigh of relief. Urmila was finally here. In spite of my pre occupation, I could not help noticing how attractive Urmila was!

“Hello,Lalit, sorry I am a little late, let’s go to some restaurant, we can’t talk while standing and that too in this heat”. Without waiting for me to say anything, she started walking and I followed her. We did not exchange a word till we reached a place called Gazal. It looked like a fairly expensive restaurant and I started thinking about the amount of money I had in my pocket. I knew I didn’t have much. There was nothing I could do about it, it was not the time to think of materialistic things. We walked in and I was taken in by the ambience of the place. A soft Jagjeet Singh gazal played in the background as the waiter escorted us to an empty table.

“Urmila, now tell me what the matter is. Why has Anita gone to Delhi? What is this about her getting married soon? How can she marry anyone else?” Questions kept pouring out of me, one after the other.

“Relax, Lalit, all in good time. I can see you have not eaten anything since the morning, so let’s have something to eat first, I am also hungry” She beckoned the waiter and ordered a sumptuous meal. My god, who was going to pay for all this, I had just enough money for my return fare with very little to spare. Although I was worried about mundane matters, I had greater things to occupy my mind. The meal was served and Urmila had yet to answer my questions. All this time she had been telling me about her college, the new friends she had made, how much she missed Amritsar and so on. I listened to each and every word of hers. Apart from being very pretty, Urmilla had a way with words and a very captivating voice. She had a hypnotizing effect upon me, so hypnotizing that I almost forgot the main purpose of my visit.

“Come on, Urmila, it is time you told me what’s going on”.

“Lalit, I am afraid the news is not good, at least for you”.

“What is it? What has happened?” The hypnotic effect was wearing off.

“My sister, your darling Anita is getting married and that is the truth” .I could sense that she was enjoying all this; there was sarcasm as well as satisfaction in her voice as she uttered these words.

“How can that happen? She loves me; she will never marry anyone else”. I almost shouted.

“Quiet, Lalit, people are watching us”.

“Then why are you talking all this nonsense? You know very well what you have just told me is a bundle of lies; you don’t like your sister much, do you? Or is it that you are not happy with the fact that I love her, jealous, aren’t you?” I knew I was being rude but I could not help myself.

“Jealous of Anita? Ha ha ha , what rubbish! Why should I be jealous of her? I have absolutely no problems with your loving her, I know you love her very much and that is why I am worried about you”.

“Why should you worry about me and if you are really worried, tell me what I want to know”.

“Look Lalit, I don’t know you very well. We have hardly talked to each other. The few times we have met, Anita has been with us so you had no time for me but I had enough time for you. I know you are a good soul, a thorough gentleman, a man with a golden heart and I don’t want this heart of yours to suffer, I don’t want you to suffer”.

“Then why are you increasing my suffering now?”

“Lalit, I am not doing anything to hurt you, if anybody is causing you pain, it is your beloved Anita”. Again that sarcastic tone and this time accompanied by an almost sadistic smile of pleasure.

“Urmila, you know very well how much your sister loves me, damn it we have been in love for the last four years now and here you are telling me that the girl who loves me the most, is hurting me, causing me pain, making me suffer! Why are you doing this? Why? Why? Why?”

“I know you love her but I am not sure about her”.

‘’What do you mean, you know your sister better than anyone else?”

“Precisely. It is because I know your sister better than anyone else does that I am telling you all this”.

“What have you told me? You have been sitting there, hogging away and apart from making snide remarks about Anita, you have told me precious little!”

“Me?  Hogging? Look at the empty plates around you and you will realize who has been doing the hogging out here. Do you have any idea how much rice you have eaten; you have been ordering plate after plate of rice. I know you Kashmiris are fond of rice but I didn’t know you eat so much, that too when you are apparently in distress?” Her words made me look at the table and it was obvious that my nervous tension had made me eat   nonstop. My thoughts went back to the money in my pocket. How would I pay for all this and still have enough left for my fare to Amritsar? Urmila was not only driving me nuts but also driving me out of my money. Enough was enough.

“Urmila , you had better answer my questions or I will lose my temper and to hell with what people think! Why has Anita gone to Delhi?”

“Because her fiancé lives there”

“Her fiancé? What do you mean? Don’t play games with me Urmila, I told you, game time is over”

“It is not a game. You must accept the fact that she is engaged.”

“When did she get engaged? Why didn’t she tell me?”

“How could she tell you? Her engagement took place in Delhi and I am sure she must not have written anything to you from there. She didn’t even ring you up, did she? How cruel of her?” Once again a tone laced with sarcasm, a voice full of honey but words full of venom.

“Who told your father about my letters?”

“Honestly, Lalit I don’t know anything about that” I realized that even if she knew she was not going to tell me. It was pointless carrying on the conversation any further. I had no faith in Urmila. The waiter brought the bill and before I could even try to take out my wallet, Urmila had already taken money from her purse and made the payment. Both of us got up simultaneously.

When we were outside the restaurant, the sun was at its cruelest best.

“”Lalit, I know you think I am a vicious girl without any love or sympathy in my heart. One day you will come to know the truth. Here is Anita’s Delhi number” She handed over a piece of paper to me, it was clear that she had decided to do that before she left her place.”You can call her up any time, no restrictions on her out there. Find out the truth for yourself” She turned and walked away and left me wondering what kind of a girl she really was….!

Who is she,part 17

“Sit down, Mr. Suri, why are you so angry?”

“I have not come here to sit down. I want to meet Lalit.”

I did not want my poor mother to face all this. I stormed into the room, quite furious.

“I am here Mr. Suri. How dare you shout at my mother like this, you better learn to speak politely, I am sure you know your manners”.

“Manners be damned, Lalit. Where are the letters which my daughter has been writing to you? You hand them over to me right away or I will have to go the police.’

“You can call anyone you please but at the moment will you be good enough to leave my house. You are trespassing, I can have you arrested “. He gave me a hard look, he must have seen the smoldering fire in my eyes because he immediately stepped back, went out and flung a Parthian shot at me.

“My daughter is getting married soon, if you try to create any problems, you know what to expect”.

The door closed behind him. I looked at my mother, she was in a state of shock, and her face had turned pale. My mother was a chronic heart patient, had been one since the age of fifteen and had already undergone two major heart surgeries. The doctors had strictly advised us to keep her away from all kinds of stress, it could be fatal.

“Don’t worry mummy, he is only bluffing. There is nothing he can do. I have not done anything wrong or illegal so why be scared?”.
“Bittu you don’t know this Suri, he is a dictator in the office as well as in the family. On top of it all, he has a devastating temper and they say he can be very vindictive”. I had heard these stories about Anita’s father and Anita herself had told me how he was a terror for the family.

“Why should we bother about him, you just relax. Should I bring a glass of lemon juice for you?” My mother had been told to have lots of fresh lime juice; she would have one glass after almost every hour. I hardly ever made anything for her. My brother was the one who used to take care of all these things. He was not at home at that time so I went into the kitchen and brought her a glass of juice with lots of ice.

“Bittu, please give me a Valium, I feel a little restless and it will give me some relief.” I took out a tablet from the medicine cabinet and gave it to her.

“Mummy, you lie down for sometime, a little sleep will do you good”.

“Bittu, I am worried”.

“Why, Mummy? Why are you worried? I assure you Mr. Suri’s threats don’t mean anything”.

“I am not concerned about his threats, I am concerned about you. What if Anita gets married to someone else? What will happen to you? Will you be able to bear the shock? I am your mother, Bittu, I know how much you love her!”

“Mummy, don’t you know how much Anita also loves me? Do you seriously think that she will agree to marry someone else?”

“You never know, Bittu, you never know” .The door opened and Ravi entered. It did not take him long to realize that something was wrong.

“What is wrong? Is mummy alright? Why is she looking so pale?”

“Everything is fine Ravi, nothing to worry about”. I did not want to tell him about Mr. Suri’s visit, I knew what his reaction would be. But my mother could not help herself; after all he was her darling son. She rattled off everything that had happened and expressed her worries about me.

“Right from day one I had told you that you were pampering this Prince of Wales and encouraging him to do whatever he wanted to. Didn’t I warn you mummy, not to encourage Anita’s coming to this house? Didn’t I tell you Bittu would bring trouble for all of us? But you didn’t listen to me, you did what no other mother would have ever done, you allowed Anita into this house, she could come and go as and when she pleased. This house became a meeting place for these two lovebirds. If they had to meet they could have met somewhere outside. Why here? You didn’t have the courage to tell him anything because you were afraid of his famous tantrums. Now reap the harvest you have sown” .Ravi was furious and I could also detect traces of jealousy which he had always harboured against me.

“Ravi, I did what I thought was right and you better not say a single word more”.

Ravi flashed an angry look at me and left the room.

In the evening, my father came back from the office and Ravi was the first one to spill the beans. Papa was angry but his anger was directed at Mr. Suri.

“How dare that son of a b…h come to my place in my absence?” It was left to my mother to calm him down in her own special way.

The visit of Anita’s father had disturbed me no end. I had acted normally in front of my mother for the sake of her health but deep within me a storm was brewing. How had Anita’s father come to know about us and that too in Chandigarh?  Anita and I had been seeing each other for almost four years. All our meetings took place in Amritsar and most of them at home. It was very rarely that we went out. We must have seen a few movies but never by ourselves. Prakash, Urmila and Urvashi had always been with us. If anybody had happened to see us in any of our outings, he would not have had even a remote suspicion of anything going on between Anita and me. All these years in Amritsar, her parents had not known anything and now, just within a month of her going to Chandigarh, they had discovered our secret. Who could have told them? Who was the villain? Who was the one who wanted to keep Anita away from me?

My mind went back into the past and recalled how both Prakash and Jayesh had tried their best to dissuade me from coming close to Anita. I had stopped suspecting Jayesh after it was proved that he had been telling the truth about what Anita had asked her to tell me. Jayesh soon went out of the picture as his father was transferred to Kolkatta and since then we had not been in touch. That left Prakash. He continued to be close to me. He had apologized to me for whatever he had said against Anita, explaining that those were just rumours which he had heard from some of his friends. I accepted his explanation and bore no ill will towards him. He and Swarn were the only ones who knew about my relationship with Anita.

Hey, wait a minute, there were two others, how did they slip my mind? There was Urmila, Anita’s vivacious sister and Urvashi, Prakash’s niece. Now that I looked back, I recalled Urmila’s behavior whenever I was with Anita. Normally, a reticent girl, she would become very garrulous in our presence. While watching movies, she would go on prattling ceaselessly which was highly unlike her. At times I had noticed her looking at her sister with hatred. Why?

Then there was Urvashi, the girl who had wanted to marry me when she was only nine years old. She was almost fourteen now but her feelings towards me remained the same. Whenever she met me, she would make it a point to say” Remember, Lalit, no matter what happens, I am going to be your wife one day”. I would take these remarks of hers in jest as I had always done but now she was also under the radar of my suspicion. She may have been only fourteen but she was too mature for her years. I was sure that one of these three had been responsible for Mr. Suri’s visit to Amritsar. Now the question was which one of them?

It was not for me to play the role of a Sherlock Holmes or a Hercule Poirot, and I did not have any time for that. Time would provide an answer to my question. Who was or was not responsible did not seem to be important to me, at least at that moment. The most important thing to do was to contact Anita and find out what was really happening at her place. Were her parents preparing to marry her off? What was going on in Anita’s mind? I needed to know and needed to know immediately. I must leave for Chandigarh and leave I did. My parents did not stop me, Ravi even offered to accompany me but I said it would be better for him to stay with mummy. I knew in my absence mummy would remain very tense and Ravi would help ease her tension.

I left for Chandigarh early next morning. I took the 5 o’clock bus reaching Chandigarh at 11. The bus stand was in sector 17 and the university in sector 14. The only way to meet Anita was to go to her department. I took an auto rickshaw and within 15 minutes it dropped me outside the university gates. This was my first visit to the well known campus and as I entered it, I could see that it was really very beautiful. It was green all around, green lawns; green trees only the buildings were red or rather brown, reddish brown. I had not come here to admire the University campus and all this I took at one glance. I asked someone about the way to the English department and he pointed it out to me, it was just a couple of blocks away from where I was standing.

 I walked towards the block which housed the department I was looking for. I had no idea how to go about looking for her. I did not even have any idea about her class timings. I hoped she would be moving around outside and I would run into her. But no such thing happened. Lots of boys and girls were loitering around, some were standing, some sitting. There was a canteen on the lawns and many students were sitting there sipping cups of tea and chatting away to glory. I looked carefully at each and every girl I could lay my eyes on but the girl I was looking for was nowhere to be seen. She must be in her class, I thought. Whom should I ask? I was tense and I was nervous. I saw a girl standing by herself and walked up to her.

“Excuse me; are you from the English Department?”

“Yes, I am. What do you want?’ She sounded a little annoyed.

“I am looking for a friend of mine, Anita Suri, I wonder if you could tell me where to find her?”

“Oh, Anita, that girl from Amritsar? I didn’t see her today, not so far at least. This is her class time and that is her class room. The class will be over in another 10 minutes and if she is here, you will meet her” She sounded very comforting.

 I headed towards the room which that girl had pointed out and stopped at some distance from the door. I stood at a place from where it would be possible for me to see everyone coming out of the class room. I waited patiently for the class to get over but it seemed to be taking a long time. In the state I was in, every minute seemed like eternity. Finally I heard the clanging of the bell and soon after an elderly man walked out of the room, with a book in hand and it was not difficult to make out that he must have been the teacher or should I say the lecturer. Students started following him. I had no eyes for the boys; I was only focusing on the girls. Every time a girl would walk out, my heart would skip a beat. Soon, there was nobody coming out. I mustered enough courage, went up to the class room and looked inside. It was empty. I looked at every nook and corner but they were also deserted. Maybe, Anita had gone out and I had missed her. I went towards a couple of girls whom I had seen coming out and asked them about Anita.

“She has not come today, as a matter of fact she has not been coming for the last three or four days”.

I felt a sinking feeling inside me. What could be the reason for her not coming to the university? :’’ She is getting married soon…” her father’s words rang in my ears. Could that be the reason for her not coming for her classes? Had her father imposed restrictions on her? He was capable of doing all that and much more. What to do now? It was imperative for me to meet her, come what may. But how? I had the telephone number of her house, we had talked over the phone a few times and that seemed to be my only hope now. How I wished we had cell phones those days! I knew that The U.S.A and most of the developed countries had started using cell phones but in India we were still to get them. It was August 1989, a year more important to me in more ways than one. At the moment the only important thing was to get in touch with Anita. I asked somebody the way to the market and as soon as he gave me the directions I almost ran as if my life depended upon reaching the market.

The moment I was in the market, I looked frantically around for a telephone booth. There had to be one. Every market had. I looked at each and every shop but could not see any sign of a telephone booth. Finally, I entered a shop and asked the shopkeeper if I could make a phone call.

“This is not a telephone booth; we don’t allow anyone to use our phone. Go to a telephone booth” he was terribly rude but then how could he know what condition I was in?

“Can you tell me where the telephone booth is?”His brusque tone made me gnash my teeth, which my family knew had been an irritating habit of mine since my childhood-and still was.’’ You will get dental corrosion’’,  Swarn  or Dr. Swarn would often quip, much to my amused ire.

“How should I know? Go and look for yourself”

It was the market within the university campus and there were not many shops out there. I needed to go to a bigger market.

“There is a telephone booth just around that corner” It was a young man, probably a university student who must have heard me talking to the shopkeeper. He was pointing towards one end of the market. Without even thanking him properly I ran as fast as I could and reached the end. The telephone booth was located to the right and it was not visible from the main road. Thankfully, the booth was empty except for the person who was manning it.

“May I make a phone call?” I tried to sound as normal as I could but the man gave me a strange look suggesting that there must have been something abnormal about the way I uttered these words. He merely nodded his head and pointed a finger towards the telephone instrument. I grabbed the receiver like a mother holding on to her long lost child. I was trembling, my hands were shaking but somehow I succeeded in dialing the correct number at the third attempt. The phone at the other end started ringing, each ring sounded like a thunderclap to me. Finally someone picked up the phone. I did not say a word. I wanted to find out who was at the other end.

“Hello” It was a female voice but it was not Anita’s mother. It was not Anita either. It sounded very much like Urmila.

“Hello, may I talk to Anita?”

“ Lalit, is that you?”

“Yes it is me, please call Anita quickly”.

“Sorry, she has gone out, why do you sound so panicky?”

“Urmila, I am in Chandigarh, I have come all the way from Amritsar to meet Anita. Your father had come to our place and he said your sister was getting married soon. I want to know what is going on.”

“Lalit, I cannot help you in meeting Anita as she is not in town. She has gone to Delhi”.

“Why? When?” I had become desperate now or rather more desperate.

“I can’t give you all the answers over the phone. Is it possible for you to reach Sector 17 in 15 minutes? I will meet you there, outside Neelam cinema” With these words she hung up and I was left holding on to the lifeless receiver and lots of disturbing questions.

Who is she,part 16

For a moment, my own home looked like a stranger’s house to me. I was rooted to the threshold of the entrance and my feet refused to move. What seemed like an eternity to me must have been just a few seconds before a sweet voice said even more sweetly, “Hello, Bittu, why don’t you come in?” fell into my ears. It was as if Anita was asking me to walk into her home.

“Hello…” I almost stuttered in reply. Suddenly it struck me that she had called me by my pet name. We were meeting for the first time and I was already Bittu to her. This certainly sent a thrill down my body. Finally, I managed to go in. My mother was sitting on the sofa right in front of the door. She gave me a very curious look, a look I could not fathom. I wondered what Anita had told her. She must have definitely complained about me, I was sure of that. What would my mother say to me?

“Why are you still standing, why don’t you sit down?” It was Anita, acting like this was her house and I was a guest. What was happening or what had happened to make her behave in this manner? She looked completely at home while I behaved like a stranger from the outside world.” Where were you all this time, Bittu? You haven’t even had breakfast!” This time it was my mother and she sounded perfectly normal.

“Mummy ,  I will make some tea for him first” Saying this, Anita left the room. She had addressed my mother as mummy! Had she really done so or were my ears playing tricks upon me? Calling my mother mummy, going to the kitchen to make tea, what was all this?

“You shouldn’t have written that letter, Bittu, had she shown that letter to her parents, her father would have come here and had a fight. Everyone knows about Mr. Suri’s fiery temper. It was nice of her to have come to me” As mummy was speaking Anita entered with some tea and snacks.

“I will just come back in a few minutes” Mummy said and left the room.

Anita placed the tea in front of me, gave me a dazzling smile, looked around her and then gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. I almost had a heart attack. What was she doing? This was totally unexpected but then there so many other things also which were unexpected. She sat down in front of me, the smile did not leave her face and she continued looking at me. I could see warmth and affection in her eyes.
“Bittu, do you know you are a coward?”

“No. Not at all. I am not a coward.  What makes you say so?” At last, I had found my voice.

“You took such a long time to tell a girl that you loved her, I thought boys were braver than that?

“It might have taken me a long time but finally I did manage to, didn’t I?”

“Oh yes, you did and that too by sending me a note through one of your friends, couldn’t you have had the courage to talk to me directly? That means you were afraid which shows you are a coward” she seemed to be mocking me, almost laughing at me and enjoying every minute of it.

“O.K. I am a coward , I don’t want to argue about that. I want to know how you managed to come here.”

“ Bittu, after I read your note, I was very happy but I was also worried .I hardly knew you except as a handsome young man with whom I had fallen in love but who never had time to even look at me. I thought you were arrogant and conceited. Was what you had written in that note really true? I asked myself a thousand times. Could I trust you? I knew boys should not be trusted easily. I could have sent my reply through Jayesh but I needed time to think, I did not want to do anything in a hurry. Therefore I told him that I would reply on your Srinagar address. The next day you left for Kashmir and I was on the terrace, watching you go and silently wishing you good bye. That is another matter that you did not have time to even look back.”

She carried on speaking and I kept on listening. The day after I left she decided to meet my mother. Very bold of her, I must say. She came to my place and brought my note along with her. She met my mother and had told her about what her son had written to her. She even showed my letter to her. I was sure it must have come as a shock to mummy. Initially she thought, Anita had come to complain about me and almost lost her temper but her fears were soon allayed when Anita told her she had come to ask her whether her son could be trusted. She admitted she also loved me but was not sure if I was sincere .My mother, being a mother, assured her that Bittu was a very honest, truthful and sincere boy and he couldn’t even hurt a fly. I was sure my mother must have praised me to the skies. Which mother wouldn’t? It was after her conversation with my mother that Anita decided she could trust me and wrote her answer to me. Since that day, she had been coming to my place every day. One day she asked my mother or rather told her that she would address her as mummy, if she didn’t mind. This had made my mother happy, she must have thought she had found a daughter- in- law and that too such a pretty one. After that, my mother became mummy, my brother became bhayya  and my father became papa. So this was the way she had made a place for herself in the hearts of every member of my home.

As I was listening to her, I was thinking at the same time. How many girls would have acted the way she did? How many girls would have been as bold and courageous as she had been? I had never heard of any girl acting in the manner she had. Some doubts also started creeping in. Was this cunningness on her part? She had inveigled herself into the hearts of my parents in a very tactful manner. Was this her innocence or was it her shrewdness. Looking at her innocent face, I could not even dream of her being cunning or shrewd. After all what did she have to gain by resorting to subterfuge? We were not rich; ours was an average middle class family so she couldn’t have had any ulterior motives. I was convinced she was a gem of a girl and I had found my partner for life.

“Bittu, I have to go now. By the way, would you mind if I call you by some other name? Everyone calls you Lalit or Bittu, I want to have my own special name for you. Will Baitu be alright?”

“So what, mothers love their children and I love you, my darling Baitu “ she got up, I also got up at the same time and the next thing I knew was that we were in each other’s arms, and our lips were locked together in a passionate kiss. I was scared my mother would enter the room any moment but Anita seemed to have no such fears, she was behaving as if we were the only ones in the house! Was this boldness, foolishness, what was this? I had no answer. All I knew was that I was madly in love. She suddenly disengaged herself.

“Mummy, I am leaving.” She shouted and left.

So this was the beginning of my relationship with Anita. I forgot everything that Prakash and Jayesh had told me about her. I was sure they had been lying although I had no idea why. Maybe I was so blinded by love that I could see nothing but good in Anita. Swarn’s words about her impending marriage also turned out to be wrong. Anita completed her graduation and decided to go in for post graduation .It was at the same time that her father got his posting orders. He had completed more than three years in Amritsar and as per the rules he had been due for a transfer. This came as a shock to me. It meant I would not be able to meet Anita as often and as regularly as we used to. We had started seeing each other every day and life without her was hard to imagine But part, we had to, we had to accept this reality. The parting was painful but bearable as we were sure in our hearts that we would be meeting soon. My parents had also made up their minds that as soon as I got a job, they would talk about our marriage with Anita’s parents. There seemed to be no problems with that. So on that positive note, Anita left for Chandigarh.

Luckily it was the month of June; the beginning of another session and it was no problem for Anita to get admission in Punjab University. She had decided to take her Master’s degree in English. In the meanwhile, I had completed my Master’s degree in management and was confident of getting a lucrative job very soon. Things looked bright and rosy made rosier by the fact that I would receive a letter from her every day. Each letter ran into several pages and I would really enjoy reading them. So the days passed and after a couple of months I got a job offer from a very big private company. I had been given Delhi as my first posting. I wanted to meet Anita before taking a final decision so I told my parents about my plans of visiting Chandigarh for a couple of days. I was packing my things and would be leaving for Chandigarh in a couple of days, I was humming an old Rafi hit-deewana muj sa nahin- when a voice thundered,”WHERE IS LALIT?” There was no one else in the drawing room except my mother. I could hear her feeble voice, muttering something inaudible, I could also sense panic in her voice. Who was this man? Who could it be? I decided to see for myself.

Who is she,part 15

Lalit, it is her engagement on Wednesday” These words kept on echoing in my mind. I could think of nothing else but the fact that I had lost Anita forever. Lost her? How could you lose someone who had never really been yours? All I had was that short letter from her saying that she loved me and that did not mean she had ever been mine! Another thought which entered my mind was, how could I be sure that the letter had been written by her? I was not familiar with her handwriting so it could be anyone who could have written it. The conspiracy theory refused to leave my mind. The sight of Prakash going past my house the day Jayesh had supposedly delivered my love note to Anita flashed past my mind. If they were together on this, the question was to what purpose? Either they were playing a prank upon me or they had some sinister designs. But why have any intentions of hurting me?  We had been good friends, we still were and as far as I could recollect I had not done anything to incur the wrath of either Prakash or Jayesh, so why this animosity, if there was any? All these thoughts kept going through my mind as I made my way slowly towards my home.

“What is this, Bittu? You come home after a month and instead of spending time with us, you go on a vanishing spree. What was more important than us?”

“I told you mummy I had an important message to give to Jayesh. I had met a friend of his in Srinagar and he had wanted me to ask Jayesh to ring him up immediately” I couldn’t think of a lamer excuse than this. Thankfully, I was not subjected to any further inquisition as both my parents were impatient to know about everyone and everything in Kashmir. Ravi was also keen to know about his old friends and cousins. The conversation continued till well after dinner and it also helped in keeping my mind away from Anita.

“You must be tired, Bittu, so time for you to go to sleep. We can continue our conversation tomorrow.”

“Right, Mummy, good night. Good night, Papa” With these words I went to my room. The moment I lay down on bed, Ravi entered the room.

“Bittu, tell me the truth, I know you are hiding something. You would have never come back from Kashmir unless there was serious reason. So come on, out with the truth”

“Ravi, I am really very tired. We will talk about it in the morning.” Ravi and I were good friends and normally shared our secrets but we also had a sibling rivalry going. He had been used getting all the attention from Mummy and Papa but since I had come to stay with them, the attention had got diverted and in fact, I would be showered with more affection than he would. All my demands were readily met and if he asked for anything, there would be a scolding in store for him. Naturally, this was something hard for him to digest and there were lots of times when he would enjoy my discomfiture. There were times when he would try his best that I should get a scolding. These were reasons enough for me not to confide in him about Anita. Mercifully, he left me alone and I tried my best to sleep but in spite of the fact that I was mentally and physically exhausted, sleep refused to have mercy upon me. I have no idea how long I kept on tossing and turning on bed before sleep decided it was time to be kind to me.

I got up early the next morning, spent some time talking to my parents over cups of morning tea. Ravi was a late riser and least interested in tea. Soon after, I told my parents that I was going to meet Swarn and I left before they could have time to come up with any objections.

Meeting Swarn was very important for me. He was a close family friend, a friend of her brother’s and there was every possibility that he would have all the facts. I almost ran to his house and as usual shouted out his name. Those days it was very rare for friends to knock at the door and enter the house. Parents did not welcome the idea of friends coming inside your house although this was not the way of my parents. Anyway, Swarn, finally emerged all dressed up for his college with his impeccable blue turban matching his flawlessly ironed blue shirt.

“What a surprise to see you back so soon, thought you would not come back before the end of June, didn’t like Srinagar this time?

“As a matter of fact loved it but something brought me back.”

“What brought you back from the cool climate of Kashmir to this sweltering heat, must have been something very important?”

“Yes, extremely important”

“So come on tell me, why do you make it sound like a mystery?”

“I will, I will but first tell me something about Anita”

“Oh, so you have not got over her as yet. Bittu(he was one of one of those few friends of mine who addressed me by my pet name)I had told you to stay away from her. I had warned you she would only bring heartbreak for you but it seems you never bothered to take my advice seriously”

“I am a man in love, Swarn, did you really expect me to follow your advice?”

“Honestly speaking, I did not but you cannot blame me for not trying?” It was time for me to tell him everything right from the time I had asked Jayesh to deliver my note to Anita. He listened to me very attentively with an occasional frown now and then and for sometime did not say anything.

“You know, Bittu, I don’t like Prakash, have never liked him, I developed an instant dislike for him the moment you introduced me to him”

“I know you don’t like him and I am not going to argue with you over that. We will discuss that some other time. At present I have more pressing matters to discuss. Any news of Anita?”

“Ah ha, look who is asking? She wrote to you, you came back for her so I am sure you must know more about her than I do!”

“I heard she is getting engaged, is it true?”

“Now who told you that?”

“Jayesh” I replied.

“Oh, another imbecile!”

“You can criticize my friends as much as you want but not now, I am highly disturbed at the moment. Jayesh told me the whole Suri family and gone to Chandigarh and her engagement is to take place on Wednesday. If it is true, I am sure you know about it”

“All I know Bittu, and this I told you earlier also is that her parents are on the lookout for a suitable match for her, whether they have found one or not, I have no idea”

“But, Swarn, you must be aware of the latest developments. Has the family gone to Chandigarh? I want to know if Jayesh was telling me the truth” Before, Swarn could answer, I continued.”Swarn, Anita’s letter to me has the date 21^st mentioned on it. Today is the 30^th. If what Jayesh told me is true, the engagement date etc must have been finalized by then. Why did she confess her love for me when her engagement had already been decided upon?”

“Bittu, all these are foolish questions of a lovelorn fool” I knew he was a cynic and I could not expect any sympathy from him.” Anyway, since I can see that you are very perturbed, I will have all the answers for you in the evening. I had gone to Delhi for a week and came back last night so I don’t know anything about what has happened in my absence. At the moment, I am in a hurry to reach college and again I am telling you, forget Anita” With these words he went back inside and I started my slow walk home. I was totally disillusioned. When I passed by Anita’s flat, I looked up but could find no signs of life. This only strengthened my belief that there was nobody at home. Jayesh was telling the truth.

The door to my flat was bolted from inside so I rang the doorbell. A few minutes passed and nobody came to open the door. I was about to press the bell again when I heard the sounds of the door being unbolted. I stood there, ready to rush inside. But that was not to be! The door opened and when my eyes fell on the person standing on the other side of the door, I almost swooned. I could not be, It just could not be. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief but there was no doubt about it. The person was none other than Anita. What was she doing at my place? My parents did not know her, they had never met her so why was she at my place? Although it was a relief to know that the Chandigarh story was false, it was a matter of great tension to see her with my parents. What was she up to? If she had come to my house, she must have come with some motive. It seemed I was in for some serious trouble….!

Who is she? Part 14

Trap or no trap, conspiracy or no conspiracy, I had made up my mind to go to Srinagar and I would not change it. If Jayesh had been speaking the truth, I had another attraction to reach Srinagar. Anita had said she would write to me on my Srinagar address and maybe she would. Why not believe Jayesh? Just because he had said something negative about Anita didn’t necessarily mean that he would always lie to me. When I had decided to send my note through him, I had thought about it a lot. To trust him or not to trust him was the paramount question in my mind. I had thought of Swarn as the best person to do the job but decided against him as I knew he would not agree. He was a close family friend; he was one of Anita’s brother’s best friends. He had clearly told me that I was wasting my time since her parents would get her married off within the year. Under the circumstances, he would have refused and also given me a sermon in the bargain. What other alternative did I have? I had no choice but to zero in on Jayesh.
I left for Srinagar the next morning, stayed in Jammu for the night and took a bus for Srinagar the day after. The journey from Jammu to Srinagar by road is a real treat, there is terrific scenic beauty on the way and it is a heavenly sight. I had always enjoyed my road trips to Srinagar but this time I seemed to have no time for admiring nature, I was completely immersed in Anita’s thoughts. I even missed my lunch. On reaching Srinagar, I forgot Anita for sometime as the joy of meeting my grandparents, my uncles and aunts was so powerful that Anita’s memories were no match for the bliss I felt. Everyone was happy to see me, I was a darling of the family and there was a lot of fuss made over me. I enjoyed every minute of it. The very thought of being back in Kashmir was a supreme pleasure in itself.
A couple of days passed in meeting my friends and relatives but from the third day itself I started looking out for the postman. It was 1985. There was no internet; there was no cell phone, no facebook-nothing. Had it been 2012, who knows what turn the events would have taken? Anyway, the postman was one of the most important persons for me. He would come every day with a bundle of letters, I would sift through them but find none addressed to me. Each day brought fresh disappointment. In the mean time, I visited Pahalgam, Gulmarg, Yusmarg and many other places, places which I had loved but this time nothing gave me pleasure. There was only one thing I craved for and that was a letter from Anita!
Finally the much awaited letter arrived twenty days after I had reached Srinagar. I held the envelope with trembling hands and rushed towards my room, which was on the third floor. I tore open the envelope and started reading. I read it once, I read it twice, and I read it thrice. I could not believe what she had written! Could this really be true? Did she really mean what she had written? It was not a long letter, it was brief and to the point. She told me she had fallen in love with me much before Lohri. She had enjoyed listening to my songs, she would always wait to catch a glimpse of me, she enjoyed watching me play cricket, and she would watch me from the balcony. She apologized for her rudeness towards me when she had scolded me. She said she had done it deliberately as it was my exam time and she did not want my studies to suffer. She ended the letter by saying that she was waiting for the day when I would be back in Amritsar. You can imagine the thrill and excitement I felt. I started jumping around in my room and would have continued doing so for God knows how long, if someone had not shouted “tea is ready”
No time for me to stay in Srinagar now. I had to leave and leave immediately.
“Babuji, I want to go back” I told my grandfather. 
“But, why, Bittu? Your colleges will re open after one month. Why the hurry?”
“I have some project work to do and I have to be at the university by Monday” This was, perhaps, the first time I had lied to my beloved grandfather. Love can turn us into liars, I told myself.
“Babuji please get me an air ticket for Monday” It was Friday. I knew he would not say no, I had been quite a pampered child.
I was on my way on Monday and reached Amritsar the same evening. My parents were taken aback. They had not expected me back before the end of June and it was only the thirtieth of May.
“Did Babuji and Amma do or say anything to hurt you?”
“No, mummy, not at all. I was bored over there” I could see my mother did not believe me but she did not pursue the matter any further. I flung down my luggage and ran out.
“I will be back in half an hour” I shouted and did not wait for a response. I went straight to Jayesh’s house.
“Jayesh!!!” I shouted at the top of my voice. He came out immediately and gave me a warm hug.
“You are back so soon, I don’t believe it!” He looked genuinely happy to see me.
“Yes, Jayesh, It was Anita who called me back. She wrote to me as she had told you she would and can you believe it? She is also in love with me!”
“Really?” I could see he looked puzzled but I did not pay much attention to that.
“Jayesh, please tell Anita I am back and I would like to meet her” He looked at me and now the puzzled look was replaced by a serious one.
“Lalit, I don’t know what she wrote to you or didn’t write to you. All I can say is you cannot meet her”
“What do you mean, I can’t meet her? Why on earth can’t I meet her? Who is going to stop me from meeting her?” I knew I was on the verge of losing my temper.
“Calm down, Lalit and listen to me. Anita is not in Amritsar. She has gone to Chandigarh and I have no idea when she will be back” You will have to wait” from the look on his face and the tone of his voice I knew he was hiding something from me or at least trying to.
“Jayesh, be honest with me, tell me the truth” He stared at me for a moment looked down and said,
“Lalit, it is her engagement on Wednesday and that is why the whole family has gone to Chandigarh”
I felt my whole world collapse around me..! 

Who is She???? Part 13

I stood rooted to the floor, absolutely stunned. I had not expected this at all. I had not done anything wrong. I had not bothered her in any way; all I had done was be there at the time of her going to college and at the time of her coming back. I had not made any comments, I had not even stared at her, and I would only get a chance to have a glimpse of her as she went past. In what way could this be called indecent or offensive? Her action was beyond my comprehension. I was hurt and I was angry. I went inside, determined not to repeat what I had been doing. From now onwards, I would not even look at her, if I ever came across her.

I did not waver from my resolve and tried to concentrate on my studies. It was already the middle of March and our exams were to begin in the last week, so my priority had to be studies and nothing else. I drowned myself in my books and it also helped in keeping my mind away from Anita. During those days, I cut myself off from all my friends including, Prakash. He rang me up a few times and asked me to come over; Urvashi was creating a fuss as she was insisting on seeing me. Every time I refused. I did not feel like meeting Praksh. Urvashi had started getting on my nerves. She hadn’t even touched ten and she was behaving like a sixteen year old. I was afraid I might become an obsession with her. It was better for me to avoid her.

The days passed, exams came and went by but during this time I neither tried to see Anita nor did I come across her on the roads or the streets of Amritsar. Summer time was here, it was the beginning of May and the temperatures had already touched forty. Amritsar can be very cold in the winters and extremely hot in the summers. This was my first summer outside Kashmir. The heat started becoming intolerable for me. I told my parents I wanted to go to Srinagar. I wanted to see my grandparents. They were reluctant to send me mainly because we were always short of money but they agreed, knowing that the streak of stubbornness in me would force them to send me in any case.

As I started making preparations to visit my hometown, my native place, the memories of Anita started haunting me more and more. Although I had not seen her for a long time, my desire to see her, to meet her was very much present in my heart. If I went to Srinagar, I would miss her and miss her a lot. There was one thing I wanted to do, I wanted to tell her that I loved her and I wanted to do so before I left for Srinagar. How was it possible for me to do that? I didn’t have courage to face her and here I was thinking of telling her that I loved her. Impossible! But I knew I would not be able to leave Amritsar without conveying my sentiments to her. There was no way I could meet her, that was out of the question. Suddenly an idea struck me. Why not write to her? But how would I give her that letter? I thought and thought until I realized there was only one way. I would have to take help of one of my friends. Whom could I trust? It had to be either Swarn or Jayesh. Both of them used to visit her place and any of them could deliver my missive. After weighing all the pros and cons, I hit upon Jayesh, I don’t know why but he seemed to me the right man for this. I thought I could trust him.

The day before I was to leave I called Jayesh over to my house. I had already written my note to Anita. It was a short one. I had written how I had been smitten by her the very first time I saw her. I clearly said, I loved her, I asked her to reply only if she had similar feelings for me, if I did not hear from her, I would understand that she did not love me. I also mentioned my going to Srinagar, gave her my address and asked her to write to me if she felt like. I wondered whether giving her my Srinagar address was a wise thing to do but wise or not, I did it.

Soon, Jayesh was at my doorstep. I quickly explained everything to him and stressed the importance of this note reaching Anita. I had expected an initial refusal but to my pleasant surprise, he agreed to go immediately and even promised me that he would have a reply for me within an hour. He almost snatched the note from my hands and rushed off. It was evening, about seven but not dark as yet. I did not go inside, my mother called out to me a couple of times but I ignored her. My heart was beating fast, I was nervous; I had no idea what answer I would get. I knew I had taken a grave risk not only in sending the note but also in choosing Jayesh as the messenger. Nothing could be done now; it was no use regretting what I had done so the only thing I could do was to hope for the best. Time weighed heavy upon my shoulders, as each minute passed my impatience started growing. I had no idea how much time had elapsed when I saw Jayesh walking briskly towards me. I looked at his face, he was smiling and his smile gave me hope.

“What happened?” I asked, trying to hide the impatience from my voice.

“Lalit, you have nothing to worry about. She read your letter, she read it twice”

“What did she say? Where is her reply?”

“She did not write anything but she asked me to tell you that she would write to you on your Srinagar address” Why did she do that? She could have said yes or no at that time itself, why did she want me to wait till I reached Srinagar? Was she bent upon torturing me? Was Jayesh playing games with me? Had I made a mistake in trusting him? As all these thoughts kept going through my mind, I happened to glance at the road outside and I got the shock of my life. What had he been doing here? If he was in the colony why had he not come to meet me? My God mischief was afoot. The man I saw going by towards the exit gate was none other than Prakash. My head went into a spin; I knew Jayesh and Prakash had been together on this. I controlled my expressions, thanked Jayesh and went inside. Was there a trap being laid for me and that too so cleverly and intelligently that  getting out of it would be impossible for me?..!

Who is she??Part12

11

I did not go straight to my house, I was in an irritable mood and did not want to face the questions of my parents and my brother. They would have easily made out from my expression that something was wrong with me. I raced past my flat and went to another good friend of mine. His name was  Swaranjeet Singh and he was studying medicine. On teaching his place, I called out his name and he came out immediately.

“Lalit, what a pleasant surprise, it is very rare of you to come to my place. What brings you here today?”

“Swarn, are you free?’

‘Of course I am, I am always free for you”

“What about taking a walk with me?”

Sure, why not?” He went inside briefly, most probably to inform his parents that he was going out. His father was also in the income tax department.

I parked my bicycle at his place and off we went. We reached the circular road of the colony, the road which went around the play ground. We were walking on the side of the road on which Anita’s flat was situated.

“So Lalit, how are things? You sang quite well last night”

“Thanks but that is not what I want to talk to you about”

“I can see something is bothering you, what is it?”

“Do you know Anita Suri?”

“Of course I do, every boy in the colony knows her, I am sure” Was he also going to tell me what I had already heard from Jayesh and Prakash?”

“What do you mean, every boy knows her?”

“Lalit she is the most beautiful girl in the colony and that is the answer to your question”

“How well do you know her?”

“We are family friends” Oh no, another family friend, I was sick of these family friends!

“What do you mean family friends?”

“Apart from her father and my father being colleagues, her elder brother is a very good friend of mine. But why are you interested in Anita?”

“What kind of a girl is she?”

 “What do you mean what kind of a girl, what kind of a question is that?”

“I mean her nature etc”

“Lalit, I know you very well, you are not the type who asks questions about girls. As a matter of fact this is the first time you have talked about a girl of the colony. I smell something fishy.”

“Swarn, I saw her last night and it was love at first sight”

“Love at first sight, Ha HA Ha, what a joke!” He started laughing uproariously. By this time, we were walking exactly in front of Anita’s house. My heart missed a beat when I saw her standing on the balcony. She was wearing a sky blue salwar suit and looking even more beautiful than she had been yesterday.

“Hello Bhayya” She waved at Swarn, didn’t bother to look at me and why would she? I was a total stranger to her. Swarn returned the greetings and we moved on.

“Lalit, Anita is a very nice girl, very friendly by nature and although she is eighteen or nineteen, she is still a child at heart” These words of his were a breath of fresh air for me, at last I had heard someone speak positively of her.

“Let’s turn back’,” I said abruptly. I didn’t give him a chance to respond and turned back, he had no choice but to follow me. Anita was still standing on the balcony but she did not bother to spare a glance for us.

“ Lalit, if you are really in love with her, which I doubt, I would suggest that you forget her”

“Why should I forget her?”

‘Her parents are thinking of getting her married off the moment she completes her graduation and that is only a year from now. They are already looking for a suitable match for her. Moreover, they (the parents) are very strict when it comes to inter caste or inter community marriages, so you don’t stand a chance. It will only result in heart break for you” What was this happening? This was the third person who was asking me to stay away from Anita, albeit for different reasons. It looked like some kind of an international conspiracy, a conspiracy hatched to see to it that Anita and I stayed away from each other.

I walked with Swarn up to his place, took my bicycle and headed for home. When I neared Anita’s place, I looked up nervously and this time she was looking at me, it may have been a cursory glance but I was glad she had taken some notice of me.

Three of my close friends had asked me or rather warned me to stay away from Anita. Two of them said she was not a nice girl to know and the third one gave a completely different reason. To be or not to be, that was the question. Whom should I trust or should I trust anyone at all? Did Jayesh have his own axe to grind? For all I knew he also might be in love with her or he might be harbouring some amorous intentions in his heart? I knew Prakash  was a an out and out flirt and also a charmer. He was not very good looking but he had a way with girls. He had numerous girlfriends and he had no scruples when it came to hurting the feelings of girls. Once he had made a girl pregnant and then paid for her abortion. I remember how shattered that girl had been. In spite of his womanizing, I liked him because he was honest and frank with me and admitted to his weaknesses, saying he could not help it. I used to give him lots of sermons; he would listen but carry on with his errant ways. Was he trying to work his charm on Anita? Who knows he may have already succeeded? The very thought made me sick. I was convinced he had an ulterior motive behind his efforts to keep Anita away from me? What could Jayesh’s motive be? I did not believe he had any love interest in Anita, maybe he had really heard rumours about her, that was possible, wasn’t it?

If I kept on thinking like this, I would certainly go mad. It was my problem and I must solve it myself. I did not need the help of any of my friends. I decided to act on my own; I would do whatever I felt was right without taking anyone into confidence. My immediate problem was to find a way to talk to Anita. How would I do that? The very first thing I did was to keep a track of her movements. I would stand on the verandah of my house and keep my eyes glued to the road. A week of this and I came to know what time she left for college and also what time she returned. It became a habit now, I was there when she went to college and I was there when she returned. Only a foolish girl would have thought that I was there by coincidence. It was obvious she had become aware of my presence. In modern language this would be called stalking, stalking, not in the virtual world but in the real one. And then came the bombshell!

One day, when she was returning from college, she suddenly stopped, got off her bicycle and walked straight up to me. There she was, the girl whom I had been in love for almost a month now, standing right in front of me. My heart started thumping against my chest. What would she say? I could not see any anger on her face; her features were soft and her face almost expressionless.

“What the hell do you think you are doing? If you don’t stop all this nonsense, I will go straight up to your parents and tell them you are bothering me no end” With these chilling words, she stomped off, leaving me gaping!!!

Part 11 of Who is She???

By the time I reached home, everyone was getting ready for breakfast.

“Where have you been?’My mother asked.

“Just for a walk” I replied and went straight to the bathroom. Thankfully, it was a holiday so I was in no hurry otherwise I would have been late for the university. I took my time in getting ready as I was not in a mood to talk to anyone. I was too preoccupied there were many things on my mind. Anita, of course dominated my thoughts but what Jayesh had said troubled me a lot. Jayesh said he was a family friend of the Suris, if that was the case why did he speak ill of Anita? Was he telling the truth? Was he himself interested in Anita and wanted me out of the way? It could be. At the same time whatever little I knew of Jayesh, he was not a bad sort and certainly not the one to malign others. But then how long had I known him? I had come to Amritsar only about seven months back, not enough time for me to judge him or understand him. There was another fact which might have been responsible for his behavior. After all, I was an outsider, from an alien land called Kashmir and both Jayesh and Anita were from Punjab. It was possible he didn’t want a non-Punjabi to come anywhere close to Anita. In the short time that I had spent in the city, I had realized that caste and regionalism played a very significant role in day to day lives of the people.

“Lalit, finish your breakfast, will you? What is wrong with you today, you have hardly uttered a single word since you got up??” It was my father and he sounded concerned rather than irritated.

“Nothing, Papa, I am perfectly alright, I slept late last night therefore I feel somewhat exhausted”

“He is lying, he was sound asleep by ten” it was my younger brother, he was three years younger to me, we were good friends but he enjoyed to see me in a spot of bother.

I didn’t say anything, got up, went to my room, which I shared with my brother, Ravi, changed into presentable clothes, came out and told my mother that I had to see Prakash. I said I would be back by lunch time. My parents knew Prakash was one of my best friends, they knew we used to meet almost every day so they did not say anything. My mother said they would wait for me, I should make it a point to come back by one.

I hurried out, unlocked my bicycle and cycled furiously towards Prakash’s house. We lived on Lawrence Road, a very posh area of Amritsar, at least in those days, and my friend lived in Model Town which was about six kilometers from my place. I reached his house in fifteen minutes and rang the door bell. It was Prakash who answered the door with a smile on his face but a look of surprise as well.

“Lalit, what brings a lazy man like you here so early in the morning and that too in this cold?”

“I have something important to tell you”

“Something important? What happened? Anyway, come right in”

“No. Prakash, you come out, I don’t want anyone else to hear what I have to say” Prakash lived with his parents. His father was a retired government servant. They belonged to Himachal. His elder brother was working in a private firm, was married, and had an eight year old daughter, whose name was Urvashi. His sister-in-law was a housewife. Urvashi was a sweet little darling very attached to me and would always say, “When I grow up I will marry Lalit” all of us used to have a hearty laugh over this. She must have heard my voice as she came running out and hugged me. She was a pretty looking girl, always smiling and the most striking feature of her appearance was her deep blue, almost piercing eyes-eyes which one could never forget. She insisted I should come in but Prakash forced her inside and came out with me.

“Strange that you should pop in like this. Urvashi has been saying since she got up that if Lalit doesn’t come today, she would not have anything to eat. She behaves like a young girl in love” He laughed. I had not come to hear all this so I straight away came to the point.

“Prakash, I am in love” He burst out laughing, he was in splits he almost doubled over, clutching his stomach.

“What is funny about it?”

“You and in love!” another bout of laughter.

“Prakash, I am serious, believe me”

“Lalit in love, Ha Ha Ha, I can’t believe it. You don’t even talk to girls, you run away from them as if they carry some kind of an infectious disease and here you are telling me you are in love?” Suddenly, he looked at me, noticed that I was about to flare up and stopped his funny antics.

“Who is the girl?” I described everything that had happened last night and also told him what Jayesh had told me in the morning. He heard me quietly with an unusually serious look on his face.

“Did you say, Anita Suri?” He asked with a contemplative look in his eyes.

“Yes, that is what I said, didn’t you hear me?” I said somewhat impatiently.

“ Lalit, you think you are in love but it might just be a momentary infatuation, might it not?”

“I told you I was in love and I know it is love, I am sure of it. She is the girl for me” I was almost angry now.

“Calm down, Lalit, what do you know about this Anita, may be Jayesh is speaking the truth?”

“I don’t care if he is”

“Lalit, this is a serious matter so I don’t want you to have any illusions about her”

“What do mean, illusions? What kind of illusions are you talking about?”

“Listen to me Lalit and listen carefully. I also know Anita and whatever Jayesh told you is the truth”

“Nonsense.  And how do you know Anita?”

“Her younger sister, Urmila, studies in the same school as Urvashi. Urvashi is very fond of Urmila and she visits their place very often. She has taken a strong liking to Anita as well. Anita comes to our place now and then because Urvashi insists upon it and you know how obdurate Urvashi can get. Anita has become a good friend of mine also and let me tell you very honestly, whatever Jayesh told you is not lies, and it is all true. Anita is not the type of girl who can love anyone. My advice to you is also the same, JUST FORGET HER!!” I could not take it take it any longer. All my pent up anger burst out.

“I don’t believe you at all. You people are jealous of me, jealous because Anita is very beautiful. Just wait and see. Very soon she will also be in love with me” With these words, I almost ran towards my bicycle and rode off. I did not even bother to look back!

Who is She????

Day 1

This morning in Jawahar Park,while on my usual walk with my old student and now friend,Shantanu,a very interesting incident took place.We were walking and talking when suddenly a very pretty young lady,must have been in her early 30s,stopped us and said"Excuse me,what is the age difference between you and your brother?"The question was addressed to me and took both us by surprise.I was dumbfounded and Shantanu looked shell shocked!By no stretch of imagination does Shantanu look like my brother,he is almost half my age.Before I could respond,the lady continued,"I have been watching both of you for many days and I like the spring in your walk,your brother must be very lazy,right?"
"No,maam,he is...",before I could complete my sentence the lady interrupted ."oh it is all right,just wanted to tell you,i sort of like you"
"But,Maam,you hardly know me!!"
"oh,I know you well enough,well enough to have fallen in love with you,yes,i am really in love with you" She was looking straight at me and i was fumbling for an answer.Shantanu looked disappointed,I don't know why, but I felt terribly embarrassed,I didn't know what to say,was this woman sane,was she playing a prank,how could she have fallen in love with me-no way,i thought.I was sure this woman was nuts.Both Shantanu and I were looking at each other in bewilderment but the lady kept chattering on.Suddenly,Shantanu said"I am off for a jog" and he immediately sprinted away,leaving me stranded.
She gave me her name,I gave her mine,she promised me that she would be looking forward to meeting me again the next morning,shook my hand and walked off.Now What should I do,should I continue with my morning walk,should i go to a different place? I have no answers.Another problem is Shantanu,since then he has hardly spoken a word and seems to have gone into a state of depression,may be because this woman preferred me to him!! Friends,I need your advice...!

Day 2

I got up in the morning,not sure whether to go for a walk or not,debated with myself for sometime and then decided to go,after all what harm could this woman do to me? So off I went and reached the park.Shantanu was waiting for me at the gate.
"Sir,do you think that woman will meet us today also?" Asked Shantanu,a little apprehensively.
"Don't know,let's see and even if she does,why should we worry?"
We went in and started our normal brisk walk.As usual,the park was full of people,most of then familiar faces.We walked on but there was no sign of yesterday's lady.
"It seems the woman was just having some fun or trying to make a fool of us"Shantanu remarked.
"May be,who knows?" I replied.
We were walking on the jogging track rather quieter than we normally are,the invisible presence of the lady was hampering us in some way.
"Hello,Lalit,you are walking too fast today,aren't you?"
I looked back and there she was,dressed in a green T shirt and grey lowers,looking even prettier than she had looked yesterday.I looked at Shantanu and his face seemed to have turned pale.
Hello,ummm...."
It is Urmila,i told you my name,forgot it so soon?"
"Sorry,it just slipped my mind"
"well,I am sure you must be thinking what kind of a woman I am,who accosts strangers and tells them she loves them,right?"
No,No,not at all,I ..."
"Oh come on,Lalit,don't lie to me,it would be only natural for you to think so,anyway do you mind if I join you on your walk?"
Shantanu and I exchanged glances,I could see he was not happy at all but it would have been impolite to say no so I agreed and the three of us started walking.There is a tea stall in the park where we have a cuppa everyday,on reaching that place,Urmila suggested we should stop and have some tea.So we sat down, ordered tea and soon after placing the order,Shantanu got up,saying,"I am off for a jog" and away he went.
There was silence but I wanted some answers and I was determined to get them.
"I suppose,you know I am married?" I asked.
"Of course,a man of your age would certainly be" She replied with a broad smile.
Again silence,i didn't know what to say.
Finally I asked,"And you,you also must be married?"
"Yes,lalit,you are right "
"Where is your husband?"
She did not answer immediately,looked around for some time and then looking straight into my eyes, was about to say something when Shantanu appeared,panting away after the jog.As soon as she saw him,she got up abruptly.
"Lalit,I will answer your question tomorrow,bye,enjoyed the tea and your company but please be here tomorrow".With these words,she sauntered off.

Day 3

It was a tough night for me, wanted to sleep but could not. The image of Urmila kept floating before my eyes. Her expression, when I asked her about her husband, kept haunting me. I was wondering why she had reacted the way she did and why she had left so abruptly. What was it about her husband that she wanted to hide or did not want to speak out in front of Shantanu. The moment I asked her about her husband, a faraway look had come into her eyes coupled with a sad expression. All these thoughts kept troubling me. It was also intriguing as to how she could have fallen in love with me without even having met me and then there was the age difference also. Was she making a fool of me, was she having fun at my expense, what kind of a woman was she? All these thoughts and many more flitted in and out of my mind.

I got up in the middle of the night, logged onto Facebook and tried to chat with whoever was online at that time. I was unable to concentrate on anything. I even went to my Rafi group and tried to listen to some songs. Somebody had posted the song-Yeh khamoshyan, yeh tanhayiyaan and I thought I was really surrounded by silence and there was a sense of loneliness all around. My wife was sleeping soundly so I did not want to disturb her. Finally, at about 2 in the morning, sleep overpowered me and I dosed off with Urmila's face before my sleepy eyes.

I got up early, changed into my jogging dress and started off for the park, impatient to reach their as fast as possible. I reached the gate. Shantanu had not come as yet. I strolled around restlessly, my eyes roaming around in search of Urmila. Why was I so eager to see her? I should be trying to avoid her but here was I, waiting to catch a glimpse of her! What was happening to me? Was I getting attracted to her? Was I really? No, it could not be. I was very much in love with my wife so how was it possible for me to get drawn towards another woman? No, No, it could not be!!

"Sir, you are going towards the wrong direction." It was Shantanu, shouting at me. It seemed I had become so lost in my thoughts that I was walking straight into an iron fence. I stopped and looked back. I could see a look of serious apprehension on Shantanu's face.

“Good Morning Shantanu, why are you late today?”

“Late? What are you talking about Sir, I am 5 minutes early, something wrong?”

“No. Not at all,” I said, rather sheepishly. “Let’s start walking.”

“Thinking of Urmila, Sir?
“Yes, was wondering whether she will be here today.”

“Sir, forget about her. I smell trouble and nothing else.”

I did not answer and started walking faster. We completed one lap of the jogging track and still no sign of HER. Where was she today? Had she had the kind of fun she wanted to and now gone in search of some other form of entertainment? Thinking and walking, walking and thinking, hearing Shantanu’s voice but not listening to him, I kept on searching for the mysterious Urmila. We reached the tea stall, I stopped and my eyes moved around every nook and corner but saw no sign of her.

“Hello, Lalit, looking for me?”

It was Urmila and she was wearing a bright red top and black lowers. I noticed for the first time how beautiful she was! My heart skipped a beat.

“Hello, ma’am, how are you today?”It was Shantanu asking her with a new found confidence in his voice, which surprised me as I had lost mine.

“I am fine, Shantanu, would you mind if I have a word with Lalit?”

“No, why should I mind? As it is, it is time for my jog” and with these words he jogged off.

“Well, Lalit, you want to know about my husband, don’t you? But why are you so curious?”

“Who says I am curious, I was just trying to know something about you, you see I don’t know anything about you except your name and that might also not be real” I said, my voice trembling with nervousness.

“Trust me, Lalit, I am as genuine as they come but be patient, I will tell you all you want to know, at the moment someone is waiting for me so I have to rush, do meet me here tomorrow morning” With these words, she left me. I watched her go with a heavy heart. When I reached home, I was feeling terribly depressed, what was this woman doing to me and why????

Day 4

I had to get up early this morning, not because of Urmila,but because my wife was to catch an early morning bus for Bharatpur and I had to drop her at the bus stand. By the time I came back it was already 7 and time for me to reach Jawahar Park, so I quickly parked my car, told my half sleeping daughter that I was leaving and rushed out. I reached the gate almost at the same time as Shantanu did,I suppose he must have been worried after the near mishap which happened with me yesterday so made it a point to come early, how considerate of him, he is a gem a boy! He parked his vehicle and we were on our way. He did not say much, he asked me whether my wife had left, he told me that I should have also gone to Bharatpur for a few days, he thought I needed a some kind of a change. He did not mention Urmila at all. All this started me thinking about the day Shantanu had walked into my class. He must have been 12 or 13 years old at that time and here he was now, a young man of almost thirty, married, and also a father of a three year old kid. How time had flown. Who could have imagined that the small boy of yester years would one day become my friend and confidante! As we walked on, flashes of the past kept coming to me and for sometime I forgot about Urmila, but not for long.

“Let’s go straight to the tea stall, Shantanu” ,I said.

But, why Sir, what about our walk?”

“Try to understand man, I have to meet Urmila and clear this mystery once and for all, I can’t wait any longer now”

Shantanu didn’t respond and followed me like the obedient boy he was. We reached the tea stall, looked for a vacant bench and sat down. The waiting had started and I could hear my heart pounding against my chest. Would she or wouldn’t she? I kept on asking myself. What if she refused to tell me about herself today also? What would I do then? I couldn’t force her, could I? But I was desperate to get all the answers and I would not rest till I did.

Let’s have a cup of tea, sir”

“No, not yet, wait for her; we will have tea when she comes”

But Sir, she may not come at all, what makes you so sure she will come”? I could sense a trace of irritation in Shantanu’s voice.

“I simply know, that is all, now will you keep quiet for some time?”I could see the hurt look in his eyes but I was so obsessed with Urmila that I did not bother to say sorry to him. Now there was complete silence, he went into his shell and into my state of impatience. Why wasn’t she coming? Would she again make a brief appearance and then vanish as she had done yesterday. I was in a deep reverie when I heard Shantanu say,”Sir,here she comes”

I looked up with a jolt and there was Urmila, walking towards us very slowly and gracefully. As she came closer, I could see that today she looked different. She was wearing a pink top over dark blue jeans and she looked breathtakingly beautiful. She had deep blue eyes, high cheek bones, an almost aquiline nose and rounded lips. She was tall, almost 5’7, and had the kind of a figure which any model would envy. I could not take my eyes off her; it was only when she was standing right in front of me that I took my eyes off her.

Hello, Lalit, I see you are waiting for me, thanks for coming”

“No need to say thanks, we come here everyday” I was almost rude.

“Why are you angry, my only fault is that I am in love with you, if it is a fault!”, she said, very calmly.

She sat down beside me, almost touching me and my heart started racing.

Suddenly, Shantanu got up and said, ”time for my jog” and almost raced off.

“You know, Lalit how long I have known you? You think you are a stranger to me, don’t you? No, my dear Lalit, you are not, I have known you for a long time but I must admit, when I fell in love with you, it was almost love at first sight”.

“Urmila where is your husband?”I almost shouted.

Don’t you want to know about me? Aren’t you curious to know how and where I met you for the first time??

“No, I want to know about your husband first, damn it you have kept me waiting long enough, I am running out of patience “I spoke so loudly that people around us started staring at us.

Calm down, Lalit, I will tell you, it seems my husband is more important to you than me. Well then, you know my husband very well.” With these words she almost jumped up from the bench and walked away  without even bothering to say bye or anything of that sort. I sat there like a fool, looking at her receding figure and unable to move or utter a single word…

DAY 5

“Sir, has she gone?”

It was Shantanu and his voice brought me back to this world. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there after Urmila left, her last words and the way she went away, almost in anger, had disturbed me no end. “Oh, you are back?”

“What happened, where is she? And why do you look as if you have been struck by lightning?”

“What do you mean where is she, she doesn’t sit for long, she left and that’s all” I don’t remember whether my tone sounded angry, I could sense  a slight annoyance in my voice but why was I venting out my frustration at Shantanu, not done, not done at all.

“What happened? Did she say anything about her husband?”

‘Yes, she did. She said I knew her husband very well and nothing more” I told Shantanu all that had happened. He listened with rapt attention but did not say anything.

“Well, should we go back now? Didn’t even have tea today .This is the first time we are going back from here without having tea, all because of that Urmila!!” The annoyance in Shantanu’s voice was very palpable. I was too immersed in Urmila’s thoughts to pay any attention to him. I simply got up and started walking towards my home. I hardly have any recollections of that walk which seemed much longer today, all the way, I could think of nothing else but Urmila.

I reached home and made myself a cup of tea. My daughter, Iha, was still sleeping. She could afford that luxury as her exams were over and she was having a break from school. I followed my normal routine of taking a bath and getting ready for the day. In my obsession with Urmila, I didn’t even bother to have breakfast, had Santosh been here, she would have literally forced some food down my throat but she was in Bharatpur and I must confess, I was missing her a little more than usual.

The day passed on, I missed my classes, was in no mood to work. I tried to sleep but sleep also seemed to be annoyed with me. And then it was evening, darkness started falling and so did my spirits. Evenings can be very depressing and today I was really down in the dumps. I was unable to get Urmila out of my system. Who was her husband? How did I know her? She said she had known me for many years but how and where? Her face did not seem familiar to me at all. I served my daughter dinner but did not have anything myself. Iha tried her best to make me eat but I made an excuse that I had a stomach upset.

I logged onto facebook and tried to keep myself busy, I was commenting on someone’s status, when my cell started ringing. I picked it up and before I could say anything, a voice spoke at the other end.

“Hello, Lalit, thinking of me?” My heart missed a beat; I became nervous, started fumbling for words but managed to get hold of myself.

“No, why should I think of you? You don’t mean anything to me and never will “

“I just rang up to apologize for my behavior today, I was a little brusque, and I hope you have forgiven me?”

I did not say anything or rather I was at a total loss for words.

“Lalit, do not take anything to heart and please, please come to the Park tomorrow” With these words, she disconnected the phone.

Only I know how I passed the night. The morning was a welcome relief and as soon as it was time, I started walking towards the park. Surprisingly, Shantanu was already there. I told him that we should rush towards the tea stall. He did not say a word and walked along with me. The moment we reached the tea stall, my eyes fell on Urmila. She was sitting on the same bench on which we had sat yesterday. Surprise of surprises, she was clad in a saree today, a sky blue one. She got up when she saw us and I could not help noticing that her lovely figure had looked lovelier in the saree. May be that was the time I really and truly fell in love with her. I knew it was madness but how could I help myself!

We sat down and Shantanu went to get tea for all of us.

“Lalit, I still love you, I have not been able to forget you and God knows I tried my best. I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer each one of them”. She stopped, as Shantanu appeared with three cups of tea on a steel tray, very thoughtful of him, I must say.

“Shantanu, you need not go for a jog today as I want you also to hear whatever I have to say”

“How old do you think I am Lalit?”

“Around thirty or so”

“Ha Ha Ha, my dear Lalit, I am fifty, surprised aren’t you?” I certainly was, not just surprised but shocked!

“Urmila, I am not interested in your age, the first thing I want to know is, how do I know your husband and who is he? What is his name?”

“Don’t get irritated, I am about to tell you, I was not entirely truthful yesterday, but today I promise I am going to unburden myself completely” These words of hers made my body tremble all over, I was almost afraid to face the truth.

“Do you remember your Amritsar days, Lalit?”

“Of course I do” What was this? Were the memories of Amritsar coming back to haunt me in the form this unknown woman?

“Do you remember a boy called Prakash Sethi?”

“He was my best friend”

“Well, Lalit, he is or was my husband”

The ground started slipping from underneath my feat, I felt dizzy, and Amritsar flashed past my mind. Oh, God, the past which I wanted to forget had suddenly come back to haunt me…..

Day6

“Sir,what happened? Are you alright? It was Shantanu, with concern in his voice.

“I am fine, why should anything be wrong with me?”

Everything was not fine with me and I knew it but how could I admit it? How could I say that this Urmila or whatever her name was, had just turned my life upside down. I took a deep breath, controlled the upheaval in my mind and looked at Urmila. My God, just looking at her sent my heart into a tizzy, she was really very beautiful and I realized I had to keep myself under control. I couldn’t let this stranger take a stranglehold on my life. Suddenly, I was reminded of something.

So,you are Prakash’s wife?” I said, trying to sound as calm as I could.

“Yes, didn’t you hear me?”

“Urmila, or whatever your name is, do you think I am a fool? You are lying and you know it very well.

Prakash was one of my best friends and I was present at his marriage, I know his wife, I met her on the wedding day and after the marriage also. You are not his wife.His wife’s name was Asha and I remember her very well. What kind of a trick are you pulling? How could you think I would be taken in by your blatant lies? Now tell me who you are and what do you  want from me?”

“Lalit,you are unnecessarily losing your cool, not good for your health” She looked perfectly composed, my diatribe seemed to have had no effect upon her at all. “I told you, Prakash was my husband and that is the truth. When did you meet Prakash last?”

‘Oh,about twenty years ago, in Delhi, at his place and Asha was with him” I remembered that meeting very well.

“Twenty years is a long time,Lalit, so much has changed since then. Why didn’t you meet him since then? He was your best friend, at least that is what you say and one doesn’t remain away from one’s best friend for so long!”

I looked around me, the sun was shining brightly, the park was almost deserted now,I glanced at my watch,it was 9.30,quite late. All this time, Shantanu had not uttered a single word, he was sitting there almost like a statue but I could see the sparkle of curiosity in his eyes.

“Shantanu,aren’t you getting late for your office?” He was a chartered accountant and working at a senior position in a multinational bank. He was so involved in what was going on that he had completely forgotten the time.

“Oh, yes, sir, I have to go and you are also getting late. Iha must have got up by now, she is all alone at home and it is also time for her breakfast, come on, sir let us go” I had forgotten everything, this devil of a woman seemed to have cast a spell over me.

Day7

As we were walking home, I could sense, Shantanu was impatient to ask me something about Urmila. He was unusually silent and I was sure he must have been thinking whether I had been involved in some seamy activities in the past. He looked crestfallen, which he hardly ever is. I suppose he must have been thinking that the person whom he had idolized for so long was not an epitome of perfection; he was not the man whom he had almost worshipped. We did not exchange a single word till we reached home. I felt like having a cup of tea so I asked Shantanu to make some. Iha was still sleeping. It was almost ten but I did not want to wake her up. My mind was completely preoccupied. There were so many thoughts going through my mind that I had become a bundle of confusion.

“Here is tour tea, Sir” I looked up but Shantanu avoided my eyes.

“Where is your cup?”

“I have already had enough for the morning”.

“Sir, who is Anita?” I had anticipated this.

‘She used to be with me in college, a good friend, that’s all”

“But sir, the way Urmila was talking about her, she must have been much more than a friend”

“Shantanu, please, I am in no mood to talk about Urmila or the nonsense that she was talking about. Just let it be, will you?”

“Well, Sir, I am getting late, you take care.” I knew he was a little offended, he must have been, I had never talked to him in this manner. “Sir, here is the number Urmila gave me, you can call her if you feel like.” He handed over the slip of paper that she had given him and left.

Now I was all alone. I needed to be. So much had happened that it was imperative for me to think and think clearly. Urmila had said she was Prakash’s wife. When I told her about Asha, she told me that Prakash had divorced her long back. So she was Prakash’s second wife. Or was she?  How and where had she met Prakash?  Prakash had left Amritsar long before I had and he had not been on friendly terms with Anita. Urmila could easily be lying. Yes, she knew a lot about me, she knew about Anita, she knew a lot more. How?  How? How???  How did she know all this? By laying so much emphasis on knowing everything about my Amritsar days, she had almost threatened me. But why now? Why after almost three decades? Everything about her was a mystery. Where was she staying in Jaipur? Oh, I should have asked her that, the fool that I was!

Another thought struck me. She looked young, in her thirties, both Shantanu and I had agreed on this. Yet she had said she was fifty. Was it possible? She had flawless skin, not a wrinkle to be seen on her face, could she be lying about her age? Every woman wants to look younger than her age but no woman wants to advertise her real age. Would a woman say she was fifty years old when she was perfectly aware that she looked much younger? Why did she lie about her age? The only reason could be that by disclosing her real age, she would have exposed herself. Had she said she was in her thirties, it would not have been possible for her to know or remember those Amritsar days, as she would have been a small kid at that time. Suddenly, her expression flashed in front of my eyes, the expression on her face when she mentioned her age. There had been a maniacal glint in her eyes. Could it be that she was some kind of a manic depressive? Possible, wasn’t it? She was following me on facebook. A person with a mental disorder can fall in love in the virtual world and since there is no love button on facebook only a like button, she might have come out into the real world in order to tell me that she loved me!

What nonsense was I thinking? I think I was the one who was going bonkers. I had to know who this woman was, was she acting alone or was there someone behind her, planning all the moves, someone with a grudge against me. Who could it possibly be? Then a flash of lightening struck me. Of course, who else but Prakash? He had a personal score to settle with me and he was using this woman, whoever she was, to get back at me. But the same question, why now, why after so many years? Nothing made sense, nothing at all.”I know everything” These words of hers kept coming back to me, when she had said them; they had hit me like a whiplash. Was it possible that she knew the one secret of my life which I had kept hidden from the world so far? Oh, God, what was I to do? How could I come out of this quagmire?

I have no idea how long I kept sitting like this.

“Daddy, no breakfast for me today?” It was Iha, I had forgotten her completely. I got up with a guilty feeling and headed straight for the kitchen. I did everything mechanically. It was natural, wasn’t it?

The day passed on and I did nothing. I forgot about working. I had not been going to my institute for the last two days. My life had come to a halt. Somehow, I managed to go through the day and at night I gulped down a couple of sleeping pills and mercifully fell off to sleep.

When I got up in the morning, it was already seven, time to leave for my morning walk but I was in no mood to go out today. I was afraid of meeting this Urmila again, afraid that she might have some more beans to spill. I sat up in bed, when my cell rang. I looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. Could it be her? I let it ring. It got disconnected, soon it started ringing again, the same number, oh what the heck, I will talk to her, why should I be afraid? I picked up the phone and answered it. I was about to say hello, when she spoke.

“Lalit, I am waiting for you outside”

“Outside the Park?”

No, outside your house, if you don’t come out within five minutes, I am going to come in, so decide, will you come out or should I come in?”

Oh, my God, how the hell did she know where I stayed, my address was not even mentioned on my facebook profile although my cell number was. What was she up to? She seemed to be one determined woman and it was then that I realized –there was no way out for me now, I had no escape routes left, this woman would not let me alone. It was time to confront my past, the past which I had tried my best to run away from…!

Day8

Yes, confront my past I would but that was not my immediate problem, my dilemma was whether to ask her to come in or go out as she wanted! I could not ask her to come in, I did not want Iha to meet her,    and rather I did not want her to meet Iha. If I asked her to come in, she might blurt out things which I would never want my daughter to know. So, I decided to go out. I went out but she was nowhere to be seen. Where could she be? I was standing on the verandah; I looked to my left, looked to my right but no Urmila. I walked up to the main gate, opened it. The first thing I saw was a gleaming black car, it was a Honda city, seemed to be brand new. It was parked right in front of the gate. I looked inside the car and there she was, sitting at the steering wheel like a queen waiting for her slave. I had time to see that she was wearing a pink outfit; at least the top was pink. I walked up to the window. She gave me a mischievous glance and smiled, the smile was bewitching and again I felt my heart beat getting faster and faster. No doubt, she was very beautiful, but how could she have this kind of an effect upon me? I almost hated her. I stood there, speechless.

“What happened, Lalit, why are giving me that awful stare, I am not a ghost, am I? And believe me, Lalit,  I am not as bad as you think”

“What the hell are you doing here? How dare you come to my place? And how on earth did you know my address?”

“Calm down, Lalit, there are people around; they might think we are having a fight.”

“I care a damn what they think” By now I was really angry; the pent up frustration of all these days was having its say. My house was situated right on the main road and it led to the airport. There were lots of cars racing by, other vehicles too and many people on foot. There was a tyre repair shop across the road and the owner was looking at me suspiciously. People, passing by, were looking, not only at the shining car but also at the pretty lady inside; they had enough time for that. One of my neighbours had come out and was looking towards me or may be at me. He knew my wife was not in town so he must have been wondering what was going on. People have nasty minds. Oh, let them think whatever they wanted to, they were the least of my concern. I had other things on my mind.

“Lalit, how can you be such a fool? When I could find out where you went for your morning walk, would it have been difficult for me to find out where you lived? I thought you were more intelligent than that. Anyway, no point standing here, get in fast” She made it sound like an order which she knew would be followed.

“I can’t, my daughter is alone at home”

Don’t you worry about her; she just turned sixteen, didn’t she? She is big enough to take care of herself” She seemed to know everything but now I was not surprised, I had come to accept the fact that she had done her homework very well.

“O.K.  I will come with you but let me inform her that I am going out, I will be back in few minutes”

“Make it fast, I don’t have time” My foot, she didn’t have time. She had enough time to follow me all around the town and she didn’t have time to wait for a few minutes! What the hell was she up to now? And where was she planning to take me? I was not bound to go with her, why should I? I will go in and stay inside, what will she do if I don’t come out? She wouldn’t create a scene on the road, would she? I went in, woke up my daughter and told her I would be back in an hour or so. She was so sleepy, she just nodded her head and went back to sleep. Should I go or not? I knew I shouldn’t but my feet took me outside, she opened the passenger door and I got in. The moment I put on the seat belt, she drove off.

“Where are we going?”

“Nowhere, just for a drive, the best way to have a cozy talk, isn’t it?”

“Urmila, why are you here? What do you want?”

“I don’t want anything, all I wanted was to meet you, and after all I hadn’t met you for almost thirty years! Thirty years is a long time, I have missed you, you have no idea how much?”

“Were you really in love with me?”

“What do you think? Do you think I am lying?”

“Are you really Anita’s sister?”

“Come on Lalit, don’t ask silly questions. You very well know, I am. Didn’t you notice the resemblance when you saw me for the first time? Wasn’t this resemblance to my sister, thatkept on drawing you towards me?” She was right. I had refused to see the truth, you might say, I had deliberately shut the truth out. I must admit now that the moment I saw her for the first time, I knew she was Anita’s younger sister, she looked so much like Anita and I had been lying to myself by saying that I had forgotten how she looked. She was right in saying that I was attracted to her precisely because she was Anita’s sister .I must also make a confession. Even after so many years, I had been unable to forget Anita.

“What made you suddenly decide to meet me? Why now, why not earlier? Do you expect me to believe that after so many years you had a fit of nostalgia and came running to see me,  God knows from where?”

“I didn’t know your whereabouts so how could I have come to meet you?”

“Wow, do you expect me to believe you came to know I was in Jaipur just a week back and straightaway started searching for me, Ha, what nonsense!” I had been so engrossed in talking to her that I had no idea where we were. I looked out of the window and saw the university campus going by, we had been driving for nearly eight kilometers and I had not realized it.

“Turn back, Urmila, my daughter must be waiting for me” There was a U turn ahead and thankfully she turned back. As she drove along, I looked at her or rather stared at her. Oh, how much she reminded me of Anita, why did she have to come here and destroy my peaceful life. I did not believe her that she came merely to have a look at me. Her coming to Jaipur was no result of a sudden awakening of old feelings, there was much more to it than that and I had to find out.

“ Urmila, where is Anita?”

“That I am not going to tell you-never” The fierceness with which she uttered these words came as no surprise to me. I knew Anita wouldn’t want me to know where she was!

“Urmila, why are you in Jaipur? Where is Prakash? Why isn’t he with you?” She did not answer, kept looking at the road ahead, an impassive look on her face. I waited for her to say something but in vain. Soon, we reached close to my house. I was desperate to know the truth.

“Answer me Urmila, please”

She brought the car to a halt right outside the gate of my house.

“Prakash was the one who sent me after you and he is very much with me, here in Jaipur. You know very well why he is doing all this. Now go home and think, Prakash  must be waiting for me.”

I got out of the car and walked very slowly towards the gate. So it was Prakash. How could a man be so vindictive, how could someone be so hell-bent on taking revenge for something which had happened a long long time ago and how could a man use his wife for that purpose? Wait a minute, why should I believe that Urmila was Prakash’s wife? Why should I believe Urmila at all? It was all a mystery and I would have to do something about it. Who was behind all this-Prakash? Anita? Or Urmila acting on her own….?

Day9

I entered the house, with all these thoughts weighing upon my mind. Iha was still, sleeping. I looked at my watch, it was 9.30. I was sure she wouldn’t get up before noon. I sat in the drawing room; it was in a mess, as it normally is, when Santosh is away. I was too lazy to keep the rooms clean. Things were lying all around the room-clothes, books, newspapers and it all looked very shabby but it did not affect me in any way. May be I liked to have things cluttered around me. As I was looking around, my eyes fell on my cell phone which was lying on the table. I must have forgotten to take it with me. It had never happened before; I always make it a point to carry my cell with me wherever I go. Today, it had slipped my mind. I picked up the phone and saw there were a couple of missed calls, one was from Santosh and the other was from Shantanu. Shantanu must have been waiting for me at the Park and at my failure to turn up, he must have wanted to know why I had not come. Santosh rings me up all through the day, she calls me up in the morning, afternoon, evening, in fact at all times of the day. She gets worried if I don’t answer the phone. I was sure she must be worried. I rang her up and the first thing she asked me was why I had not bothered to pick up the phone. I told her about the morning so far, described everything in detail and asked her what I should do now. She told me not to worry, everything would be fine. Talking to her was some kind of a relief. She was a very understanding woman. I had told her everything about my relationship with Anita before we got married so I had nothing to be afraid of as far as my wife was concerned. Even now I was keeping her informed of all that was happening and she was also following all the events through my facebook updates. Although, I had told her everything about my past, there was one secret of mine which she was unaware of.  I don’t know what had prevented me from telling her that and now I regretted it. Sorry, Santosh,as you read this you will come to know that I had not been completely truthful with you, I hope you forgive me.

After talking to Santosh, I sat back and started to think about what might or might not be and also what my course of action would be. Urmila had said that Prakash was also in Jaipur, in fact he was the one who had sent her on this Mission Lalit, yes it was a mission, wasn’t it? And the mission was to cause me some kind of harm, mental, physical or may be both. The mental part had already begun, right since the day I had met Urmila, I had not been able to sleep properly, I had not been able to concentrate on my work and I had needed sleeping pills to put me off to sleep. Writing these updates helped me in so far as I was able to share my burden with others and get some sympathy from my friends and students. I wondered how long they would continue to sympathise with me, I was sure the moment they came to know that ugly past of mine, they would start hating me. If they hated me, I couldn’t help it, I had already made the decision of revealing everything, getting all those monsters off my back and I was going to stick to it.

I was suddenly jolted out of my thoughts as my eyes fell on the clock in front of me. It was almost twelve and I had not done anything. I had to prepare breakfast for Iha and also cook something for lunch. How I wished Santosh had been here, I wouldn’t have had to worry about all these things! I got up reluctantly, took a quick bath and entered the kitchen when my cell started buzzing. I had kept it on the kitchen slab, as I normally do when I am working there, and  I was startled., I don’t know why, after all I kept on getting phone calls all through the day. My reaction showed that I had almost become a nervous wreck. Round one to you, Prakash? I picked up the phone and without bothering to look at the screen, I said, ”Hello”

“Hello, Lalit, having a nice time, aren’t you?” It was female voice and completely unfamiliar.

“Who is this?”

“You don’t recognize my voice Lalit, but then how can you? You haven’t met me since you left Amritsar”

The moment she said Amritsar, fear gripped me .So far I had been worried; I had been tense but never afraid. Now I was. The very name of Amritsar had started becoming a nightmare for me, a place I had loved so much, a place where I had spent some of the best days of my life had slowly started becoming a place I hated!

“Now don’t you play games with me, I am in no mood to play I spy. Will you please tell me who you are?” I said with a fair bit of anger in my voice.

 Ha, Ha , Ha, The same old temper, you haven’t changed at all, My dear Baitu” There was only one person in this world who used to call me by that name. My heart sank, I felt giddy, it   seemed I was about to have a fall, I leaned against the kitchen slab for support. It was as if my world had fallen apart. Why had all these people suddenly ganged up against me and why now, why after so many years? One thing was clear, all the three were in cohorts, they were working as a team and their sole purpose was to shatter my peaceful family life. For the first time, fear gripped me. So far I had been worried, I had been tense but never afraid. Now I was frightened, scared to death, as they say.

“Where are you calling from? Are you also in Jaipur?”

“Oh, I am glad You remember me. Good for you that you do. No, I am not in Jaipur but wherever I am I will not let you stay in peace now. What you did in Amritasr was unpardonable and unforgivable, and I will make you pay for it, Baitu” With these words, Anita disconnected the phone.

All the three people who had been a very important part of my life in Amritsar, had now come back not to give me the kind of happiness they once used to but to make my life miserable. Anita oh, Anita, how can you do this to me? You were in love with me, you wanted to spend your entire life with me, what made you change and change so much?

My mind went back to that evening when I had seen Anita for the first time. It was Lohri, it is an important festival in Punjab.  It was evening, we were all sitting around the fire when my eyes fell on her, the moment I saw her, I knew I had fallen in love…

Day10

Yes, I had fallen in love and that too for the first time in my life. I had no idea who this girl was, I had never seen her before, was she from the colony or had she come from somewhere else?  We used to stay in a colony which was named Central Revenue Colony. It was called so because it was meant for the employees of the Income Tax department and the Department of Central Excise and Customs. My father worked in the excise and customs department and therefore he had been allotted quarters in this colony. The colony was not very big, almost everyone knew everyone else. It was very quiet and peaceful. It had a playground at the center and there was a road going all around that ground. Most of the quarters were by the side of this road. The road was used by residents for their morning and evening walks and, we the youngsters used the ground for playing cricket. Cricket was my passion and we played almost daily. I used to spend a lot of time in the ground and also the road was no stranger to my feet and yet I had never set eyes on this pretty girl, this was somewhat of a surprise to me.

These thoughts were going through my mind but my eyes were riveted to her face. She was sitting on the ground, close to the bonfire, as a result of which her lovely face glowed and shone. She was fare, her eyes were deep and attractive and the expression on her face looked full of innocence. My be , it was this innocent charm of hers which  drew me towards her. There were lots of people around the fire, some sitting but most of them standing. As was the custom, groundnuts and some sweet things were being thrown into the fire. I was standing with my friends exactly opposite the lovely looking girl. I wished she would look up at me but her eyes remained totally focused on the fire,not for a moment did she look around her, at least I didn’t notice her doing so.

“Who is that girl, Jayesh?” I asked a friend standing close to me.

“Which one?”

“The one over there” I pointed her out with my eyes.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know her, Lalit, she is the most popular girl in the colony and even outside it!”

“What is her name?”

She is Anita, Anita Suri,  she is the daughter of Mr. Suri, Assistant commissioner in the Income tax department”

So she was from the colony, that was a relief.

Ladies and gentleman, now lalit will sing a song for us” I was taken completely aback,me and sing, that too in front of this girl. In spite of my all my protestations, I had no alternative but to sing. Which song would I sing? I was thinking if a song which would express my sentiments at that moment. All eyes were on me but Anita was sitting in the same position, for her Lalit was  just a name and nothing else. I looked at her and started singing-na yeh chand hoga na tare rahenge magar hum hamesha tumhare rahenge-it was an old Hemant kumar favourite if mine and a love song to boot. When the song was over,there was the usual clapping all around but I could not help observing, that Anita did not even nod her head. What kind of a girl was she? May be a shy one, an introvert or may be arrogant! Suddenly someone shouted,

“Another one, Lalit “ The effort of singing one song had already drained me out, particularly because  of my nervousness, but sing I did and this time I chose a Kishore Kumar number, thinking and hoping, she might like it. The song I sang was-Roop tera aisa darpan main na  samaaye, khushbu tere tan ki madhuban main na samaye….- The result was the same, no reaction from her at all. She did not even bother to see who the singer was. I felt really frustrated. I knew it would be a very tough task for me to win her over.

The celebrations got over and all of us headed for our homes. I was very reluctant to leave, I wanted to spend some more time watching her but I realized she had vanished. It seemed she had been in a great hurry to reach home. I wondered if she had any friends, from what I had seen, she seemed to be a loner.

I walked back home slowly, told my mother I was not hungry and lay down on my bed. Sleep was miles away from me; all I could think of was Anita. The picture of her glowing pretty face refused to   leave me. I doubt if I slept at all that night. I woke up early in the morning and hesded straight for Jayesh’d house. His father was also in the income tax department so I thought he would be having some information about her.

“Jayesh!!” I shouted from outside his house. His mother came out and told me he was still sleeping

“Please.Would you wake her up, it is very urgent” I did not address her as Auntie as was the practice because I was not long since I had come from Kashmir and Kashmiris were not in the habit of  using such a form of address.She went and in and soon Jayesh came out.

“Lalit,so early and that too in this cold?” It was mid January and winter was at its peak, the time must have been around seven.

“ Sorry, man, come with me for a walk”

“What is it?” He asked as we started walking in the blistering cold.

“Oh I see, is it about Anita?”

“Yes I want to know something about her and you seem to know a lot about her”

“I see, so she has cast her spell over you also!!!”

“What do you mean, over me also?”
“Lalit, my advice to you is, forget her, and forget her now before it is too late”

“ Why should her forget her, why do you say so?”

“She has already broken a lot of hearts and I don’t want yours to be the next one” Jayesh was a friendly character,charming,good looking ,with a wonderful sense of humour.

“Don’t try to be funny, tell me the truth” I almost snapped at him. We had been walking quite fast when he looked towards the left and said, ”This is her flat, I mean her father’s flat, oh, I mean the flat allotted to her father” He was pointing at the top floor of a double storied apartment block.

This is where your Anita lives. She is doing her graduation, it is her second year in college,she has one sister and two brothers .I go to her place quite often since we are family friends.Anything else?”

“Why do you want me to stay away from her?’

“Because she doesn’t have a good reputation. They say, she has lots of boyfriends and she had  many affairs during her school days”

“Nonsense, I don’t believe a single word of this, people take sadistic pleasure in destroying the reputations of girls, especially pretty girls. I am not the one to get discouraged by your words”

“As you wish, Lalit, it is your funeral” with these words, he turned back and I walked slowly towards my house, very disturbed at what Jayesh had said but confident that all these must be nothing but rumours…