Who is She????

Day 1

This morning in Jawahar Park,while on my usual walk with my old student and now friend,Shantanu,a very interesting incident took place.We were walking and talking when suddenly a very pretty young lady,must have been in her early 30s,stopped us and said"Excuse me,what is the age difference between you and your brother?"The question was addressed to me and took both us by surprise.I was dumbfounded and Shantanu looked shell shocked!By no stretch of imagination does Shantanu look like my brother,he is almost half my age.Before I could respond,the lady continued,"I have been watching both of you for many days and I like the spring in your walk,your brother must be very lazy,right?"
"No,maam,he is...",before I could complete my sentence the lady interrupted ."oh it is all right,just wanted to tell you,i sort of like you"
"But,Maam,you hardly know me!!"
"oh,I know you well enough,well enough to have fallen in love with you,yes,i am really in love with you" She was looking straight at me and i was fumbling for an answer.Shantanu looked disappointed,I don't know why, but I felt terribly embarrassed,I didn't know what to say,was this woman sane,was she playing a prank,how could she have fallen in love with me-no way,i thought.I was sure this woman was nuts.Both Shantanu and I were looking at each other in bewilderment but the lady kept chattering on.Suddenly,Shantanu said"I am off for a jog" and he immediately sprinted away,leaving me stranded.
She gave me her name,I gave her mine,she promised me that she would be looking forward to meeting me again the next morning,shook my hand and walked off.Now What should I do,should I continue with my morning walk,should i go to a different place? I have no answers.Another problem is Shantanu,since then he has hardly spoken a word and seems to have gone into a state of depression,may be because this woman preferred me to him!! Friends,I need your advice...!

Day 2

I got up in the morning,not sure whether to go for a walk or not,debated with myself for sometime and then decided to go,after all what harm could this woman do to me? So off I went and reached the park.Shantanu was waiting for me at the gate.
"Sir,do you think that woman will meet us today also?" Asked Shantanu,a little apprehensively.
"Don't know,let's see and even if she does,why should we worry?"
We went in and started our normal brisk walk.As usual,the park was full of people,most of then familiar faces.We walked on but there was no sign of yesterday's lady.
"It seems the woman was just having some fun or trying to make a fool of us"Shantanu remarked.
"May be,who knows?" I replied.
We were walking on the jogging track rather quieter than we normally are,the invisible presence of the lady was hampering us in some way.
"Hello,Lalit,you are walking too fast today,aren't you?"
I looked back and there she was,dressed in a green T shirt and grey lowers,looking even prettier than she had looked yesterday.I looked at Shantanu and his face seemed to have turned pale.
Hello,ummm...."
It is Urmila,i told you my name,forgot it so soon?"
"Sorry,it just slipped my mind"
"well,I am sure you must be thinking what kind of a woman I am,who accosts strangers and tells them she loves them,right?"
No,No,not at all,I ..."
"Oh come on,Lalit,don't lie to me,it would be only natural for you to think so,anyway do you mind if I join you on your walk?"
Shantanu and I exchanged glances,I could see he was not happy at all but it would have been impolite to say no so I agreed and the three of us started walking.There is a tea stall in the park where we have a cuppa everyday,on reaching that place,Urmila suggested we should stop and have some tea.So we sat down, ordered tea and soon after placing the order,Shantanu got up,saying,"I am off for a jog" and away he went.
There was silence but I wanted some answers and I was determined to get them.
"I suppose,you know I am married?" I asked.
"Of course,a man of your age would certainly be" She replied with a broad smile.
Again silence,i didn't know what to say.
Finally I asked,"And you,you also must be married?"
"Yes,lalit,you are right "
"Where is your husband?"
She did not answer immediately,looked around for some time and then looking straight into my eyes, was about to say something when Shantanu appeared,panting away after the jog.As soon as she saw him,she got up abruptly.
"Lalit,I will answer your question tomorrow,bye,enjoyed the tea and your company but please be here tomorrow".With these words,she sauntered off.

Day 3

It was a tough night for me, wanted to sleep but could not. The image of Urmila kept floating before my eyes. Her expression, when I asked her about her husband, kept haunting me. I was wondering why she had reacted the way she did and why she had left so abruptly. What was it about her husband that she wanted to hide or did not want to speak out in front of Shantanu. The moment I asked her about her husband, a faraway look had come into her eyes coupled with a sad expression. All these thoughts kept troubling me. It was also intriguing as to how she could have fallen in love with me without even having met me and then there was the age difference also. Was she making a fool of me, was she having fun at my expense, what kind of a woman was she? All these thoughts and many more flitted in and out of my mind.

I got up in the middle of the night, logged onto Facebook and tried to chat with whoever was online at that time. I was unable to concentrate on anything. I even went to my Rafi group and tried to listen to some songs. Somebody had posted the song-Yeh khamoshyan, yeh tanhayiyaan and I thought I was really surrounded by silence and there was a sense of loneliness all around. My wife was sleeping soundly so I did not want to disturb her. Finally, at about 2 in the morning, sleep overpowered me and I dosed off with Urmila's face before my sleepy eyes.

I got up early, changed into my jogging dress and started off for the park, impatient to reach their as fast as possible. I reached the gate. Shantanu had not come as yet. I strolled around restlessly, my eyes roaming around in search of Urmila. Why was I so eager to see her? I should be trying to avoid her but here was I, waiting to catch a glimpse of her! What was happening to me? Was I getting attracted to her? Was I really? No, it could not be. I was very much in love with my wife so how was it possible for me to get drawn towards another woman? No, No, it could not be!!

"Sir, you are going towards the wrong direction." It was Shantanu, shouting at me. It seemed I had become so lost in my thoughts that I was walking straight into an iron fence. I stopped and looked back. I could see a look of serious apprehension on Shantanu's face.

“Good Morning Shantanu, why are you late today?”

“Late? What are you talking about Sir, I am 5 minutes early, something wrong?”

“No. Not at all,” I said, rather sheepishly. “Let’s start walking.”

“Thinking of Urmila, Sir?
“Yes, was wondering whether she will be here today.”

“Sir, forget about her. I smell trouble and nothing else.”

I did not answer and started walking faster. We completed one lap of the jogging track and still no sign of HER. Where was she today? Had she had the kind of fun she wanted to and now gone in search of some other form of entertainment? Thinking and walking, walking and thinking, hearing Shantanu’s voice but not listening to him, I kept on searching for the mysterious Urmila. We reached the tea stall, I stopped and my eyes moved around every nook and corner but saw no sign of her.

“Hello, Lalit, looking for me?”

It was Urmila and she was wearing a bright red top and black lowers. I noticed for the first time how beautiful she was! My heart skipped a beat.

“Hello, ma’am, how are you today?”It was Shantanu asking her with a new found confidence in his voice, which surprised me as I had lost mine.

“I am fine, Shantanu, would you mind if I have a word with Lalit?”

“No, why should I mind? As it is, it is time for my jog” and with these words he jogged off.

“Well, Lalit, you want to know about my husband, don’t you? But why are you so curious?”

“Who says I am curious, I was just trying to know something about you, you see I don’t know anything about you except your name and that might also not be real” I said, my voice trembling with nervousness.

“Trust me, Lalit, I am as genuine as they come but be patient, I will tell you all you want to know, at the moment someone is waiting for me so I have to rush, do meet me here tomorrow morning” With these words, she left me. I watched her go with a heavy heart. When I reached home, I was feeling terribly depressed, what was this woman doing to me and why????

Day 4

I had to get up early this morning, not because of Urmila,but because my wife was to catch an early morning bus for Bharatpur and I had to drop her at the bus stand. By the time I came back it was already 7 and time for me to reach Jawahar Park, so I quickly parked my car, told my half sleeping daughter that I was leaving and rushed out. I reached the gate almost at the same time as Shantanu did,I suppose he must have been worried after the near mishap which happened with me yesterday so made it a point to come early, how considerate of him, he is a gem a boy! He parked his vehicle and we were on our way. He did not say much, he asked me whether my wife had left, he told me that I should have also gone to Bharatpur for a few days, he thought I needed a some kind of a change. He did not mention Urmila at all. All this started me thinking about the day Shantanu had walked into my class. He must have been 12 or 13 years old at that time and here he was now, a young man of almost thirty, married, and also a father of a three year old kid. How time had flown. Who could have imagined that the small boy of yester years would one day become my friend and confidante! As we walked on, flashes of the past kept coming to me and for sometime I forgot about Urmila, but not for long.

“Let’s go straight to the tea stall, Shantanu” ,I said.

But, why Sir, what about our walk?”

“Try to understand man, I have to meet Urmila and clear this mystery once and for all, I can’t wait any longer now”

Shantanu didn’t respond and followed me like the obedient boy he was. We reached the tea stall, looked for a vacant bench and sat down. The waiting had started and I could hear my heart pounding against my chest. Would she or wouldn’t she? I kept on asking myself. What if she refused to tell me about herself today also? What would I do then? I couldn’t force her, could I? But I was desperate to get all the answers and I would not rest till I did.

Let’s have a cup of tea, sir”

“No, not yet, wait for her; we will have tea when she comes”

But Sir, she may not come at all, what makes you so sure she will come”? I could sense a trace of irritation in Shantanu’s voice.

“I simply know, that is all, now will you keep quiet for some time?”I could see the hurt look in his eyes but I was so obsessed with Urmila that I did not bother to say sorry to him. Now there was complete silence, he went into his shell and into my state of impatience. Why wasn’t she coming? Would she again make a brief appearance and then vanish as she had done yesterday. I was in a deep reverie when I heard Shantanu say,”Sir,here she comes”

I looked up with a jolt and there was Urmila, walking towards us very slowly and gracefully. As she came closer, I could see that today she looked different. She was wearing a pink top over dark blue jeans and she looked breathtakingly beautiful. She had deep blue eyes, high cheek bones, an almost aquiline nose and rounded lips. She was tall, almost 5’7, and had the kind of a figure which any model would envy. I could not take my eyes off her; it was only when she was standing right in front of me that I took my eyes off her.

Hello, Lalit, I see you are waiting for me, thanks for coming”

“No need to say thanks, we come here everyday” I was almost rude.

“Why are you angry, my only fault is that I am in love with you, if it is a fault!”, she said, very calmly.

She sat down beside me, almost touching me and my heart started racing.

Suddenly, Shantanu got up and said, ”time for my jog” and almost raced off.

“You know, Lalit how long I have known you? You think you are a stranger to me, don’t you? No, my dear Lalit, you are not, I have known you for a long time but I must admit, when I fell in love with you, it was almost love at first sight”.

“Urmila where is your husband?”I almost shouted.

Don’t you want to know about me? Aren’t you curious to know how and where I met you for the first time??

“No, I want to know about your husband first, damn it you have kept me waiting long enough, I am running out of patience “I spoke so loudly that people around us started staring at us.

Calm down, Lalit, I will tell you, it seems my husband is more important to you than me. Well then, you know my husband very well.” With these words she almost jumped up from the bench and walked away  without even bothering to say bye or anything of that sort. I sat there like a fool, looking at her receding figure and unable to move or utter a single word…

DAY 5

“Sir, has she gone?”

It was Shantanu and his voice brought me back to this world. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there after Urmila left, her last words and the way she went away, almost in anger, had disturbed me no end. “Oh, you are back?”

“What happened, where is she? And why do you look as if you have been struck by lightning?”

“What do you mean where is she, she doesn’t sit for long, she left and that’s all” I don’t remember whether my tone sounded angry, I could sense  a slight annoyance in my voice but why was I venting out my frustration at Shantanu, not done, not done at all.

“What happened? Did she say anything about her husband?”

‘Yes, she did. She said I knew her husband very well and nothing more” I told Shantanu all that had happened. He listened with rapt attention but did not say anything.

“Well, should we go back now? Didn’t even have tea today .This is the first time we are going back from here without having tea, all because of that Urmila!!” The annoyance in Shantanu’s voice was very palpable. I was too immersed in Urmila’s thoughts to pay any attention to him. I simply got up and started walking towards my home. I hardly have any recollections of that walk which seemed much longer today, all the way, I could think of nothing else but Urmila.

I reached home and made myself a cup of tea. My daughter, Iha, was still sleeping. She could afford that luxury as her exams were over and she was having a break from school. I followed my normal routine of taking a bath and getting ready for the day. In my obsession with Urmila, I didn’t even bother to have breakfast, had Santosh been here, she would have literally forced some food down my throat but she was in Bharatpur and I must confess, I was missing her a little more than usual.

The day passed on, I missed my classes, was in no mood to work. I tried to sleep but sleep also seemed to be annoyed with me. And then it was evening, darkness started falling and so did my spirits. Evenings can be very depressing and today I was really down in the dumps. I was unable to get Urmila out of my system. Who was her husband? How did I know her? She said she had known me for many years but how and where? Her face did not seem familiar to me at all. I served my daughter dinner but did not have anything myself. Iha tried her best to make me eat but I made an excuse that I had a stomach upset.

I logged onto facebook and tried to keep myself busy, I was commenting on someone’s status, when my cell started ringing. I picked it up and before I could say anything, a voice spoke at the other end.

“Hello, Lalit, thinking of me?” My heart missed a beat; I became nervous, started fumbling for words but managed to get hold of myself.

“No, why should I think of you? You don’t mean anything to me and never will “

“I just rang up to apologize for my behavior today, I was a little brusque, and I hope you have forgiven me?”

I did not say anything or rather I was at a total loss for words.

“Lalit, do not take anything to heart and please, please come to the Park tomorrow” With these words, she disconnected the phone.

Only I know how I passed the night. The morning was a welcome relief and as soon as it was time, I started walking towards the park. Surprisingly, Shantanu was already there. I told him that we should rush towards the tea stall. He did not say a word and walked along with me. The moment we reached the tea stall, my eyes fell on Urmila. She was sitting on the same bench on which we had sat yesterday. Surprise of surprises, she was clad in a saree today, a sky blue one. She got up when she saw us and I could not help noticing that her lovely figure had looked lovelier in the saree. May be that was the time I really and truly fell in love with her. I knew it was madness but how could I help myself!

We sat down and Shantanu went to get tea for all of us.

“Lalit, I still love you, I have not been able to forget you and God knows I tried my best. I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer each one of them”. She stopped, as Shantanu appeared with three cups of tea on a steel tray, very thoughtful of him, I must say.

“Shantanu, you need not go for a jog today as I want you also to hear whatever I have to say”

“How old do you think I am Lalit?”

“Around thirty or so”

“Ha Ha Ha, my dear Lalit, I am fifty, surprised aren’t you?” I certainly was, not just surprised but shocked!

“Urmila, I am not interested in your age, the first thing I want to know is, how do I know your husband and who is he? What is his name?”

“Don’t get irritated, I am about to tell you, I was not entirely truthful yesterday, but today I promise I am going to unburden myself completely” These words of hers made my body tremble all over, I was almost afraid to face the truth.

“Do you remember your Amritsar days, Lalit?”

“Of course I do” What was this? Were the memories of Amritsar coming back to haunt me in the form this unknown woman?

“Do you remember a boy called Prakash Sethi?”

“He was my best friend”

“Well, Lalit, he is or was my husband”

The ground started slipping from underneath my feat, I felt dizzy, and Amritsar flashed past my mind. Oh, God, the past which I wanted to forget had suddenly come back to haunt me…..

Day6

“Sir,what happened? Are you alright? It was Shantanu, with concern in his voice.

“I am fine, why should anything be wrong with me?”

Everything was not fine with me and I knew it but how could I admit it? How could I say that this Urmila or whatever her name was, had just turned my life upside down. I took a deep breath, controlled the upheaval in my mind and looked at Urmila. My God, just looking at her sent my heart into a tizzy, she was really very beautiful and I realized I had to keep myself under control. I couldn’t let this stranger take a stranglehold on my life. Suddenly, I was reminded of something.

So,you are Prakash’s wife?” I said, trying to sound as calm as I could.

“Yes, didn’t you hear me?”

“Urmila, or whatever your name is, do you think I am a fool? You are lying and you know it very well.

Prakash was one of my best friends and I was present at his marriage, I know his wife, I met her on the wedding day and after the marriage also. You are not his wife.His wife’s name was Asha and I remember her very well. What kind of a trick are you pulling? How could you think I would be taken in by your blatant lies? Now tell me who you are and what do you  want from me?”

“Lalit,you are unnecessarily losing your cool, not good for your health” She looked perfectly composed, my diatribe seemed to have had no effect upon her at all. “I told you, Prakash was my husband and that is the truth. When did you meet Prakash last?”

‘Oh,about twenty years ago, in Delhi, at his place and Asha was with him” I remembered that meeting very well.

“Twenty years is a long time,Lalit, so much has changed since then. Why didn’t you meet him since then? He was your best friend, at least that is what you say and one doesn’t remain away from one’s best friend for so long!”

I looked around me, the sun was shining brightly, the park was almost deserted now,I glanced at my watch,it was 9.30,quite late. All this time, Shantanu had not uttered a single word, he was sitting there almost like a statue but I could see the sparkle of curiosity in his eyes.

“Shantanu,aren’t you getting late for your office?” He was a chartered accountant and working at a senior position in a multinational bank. He was so involved in what was going on that he had completely forgotten the time.

“Oh, yes, sir, I have to go and you are also getting late. Iha must have got up by now, she is all alone at home and it is also time for her breakfast, come on, sir let us go” I had forgotten everything, this devil of a woman seemed to have cast a spell over me.

Day7

As we were walking home, I could sense, Shantanu was impatient to ask me something about Urmila. He was unusually silent and I was sure he must have been thinking whether I had been involved in some seamy activities in the past. He looked crestfallen, which he hardly ever is. I suppose he must have been thinking that the person whom he had idolized for so long was not an epitome of perfection; he was not the man whom he had almost worshipped. We did not exchange a single word till we reached home. I felt like having a cup of tea so I asked Shantanu to make some. Iha was still sleeping. It was almost ten but I did not want to wake her up. My mind was completely preoccupied. There were so many thoughts going through my mind that I had become a bundle of confusion.

“Here is tour tea, Sir” I looked up but Shantanu avoided my eyes.

“Where is your cup?”

“I have already had enough for the morning”.

“Sir, who is Anita?” I had anticipated this.

‘She used to be with me in college, a good friend, that’s all”

“But sir, the way Urmila was talking about her, she must have been much more than a friend”

“Shantanu, please, I am in no mood to talk about Urmila or the nonsense that she was talking about. Just let it be, will you?”

“Well, Sir, I am getting late, you take care.” I knew he was a little offended, he must have been, I had never talked to him in this manner. “Sir, here is the number Urmila gave me, you can call her if you feel like.” He handed over the slip of paper that she had given him and left.

Now I was all alone. I needed to be. So much had happened that it was imperative for me to think and think clearly. Urmila had said she was Prakash’s wife. When I told her about Asha, she told me that Prakash had divorced her long back. So she was Prakash’s second wife. Or was she?  How and where had she met Prakash?  Prakash had left Amritsar long before I had and he had not been on friendly terms with Anita. Urmila could easily be lying. Yes, she knew a lot about me, she knew about Anita, she knew a lot more. How?  How? How???  How did she know all this? By laying so much emphasis on knowing everything about my Amritsar days, she had almost threatened me. But why now? Why after almost three decades? Everything about her was a mystery. Where was she staying in Jaipur? Oh, I should have asked her that, the fool that I was!

Another thought struck me. She looked young, in her thirties, both Shantanu and I had agreed on this. Yet she had said she was fifty. Was it possible? She had flawless skin, not a wrinkle to be seen on her face, could she be lying about her age? Every woman wants to look younger than her age but no woman wants to advertise her real age. Would a woman say she was fifty years old when she was perfectly aware that she looked much younger? Why did she lie about her age? The only reason could be that by disclosing her real age, she would have exposed herself. Had she said she was in her thirties, it would not have been possible for her to know or remember those Amritsar days, as she would have been a small kid at that time. Suddenly, her expression flashed in front of my eyes, the expression on her face when she mentioned her age. There had been a maniacal glint in her eyes. Could it be that she was some kind of a manic depressive? Possible, wasn’t it? She was following me on facebook. A person with a mental disorder can fall in love in the virtual world and since there is no love button on facebook only a like button, she might have come out into the real world in order to tell me that she loved me!

What nonsense was I thinking? I think I was the one who was going bonkers. I had to know who this woman was, was she acting alone or was there someone behind her, planning all the moves, someone with a grudge against me. Who could it possibly be? Then a flash of lightening struck me. Of course, who else but Prakash? He had a personal score to settle with me and he was using this woman, whoever she was, to get back at me. But the same question, why now, why after so many years? Nothing made sense, nothing at all.”I know everything” These words of hers kept coming back to me, when she had said them; they had hit me like a whiplash. Was it possible that she knew the one secret of my life which I had kept hidden from the world so far? Oh, God, what was I to do? How could I come out of this quagmire?

I have no idea how long I kept sitting like this.

“Daddy, no breakfast for me today?” It was Iha, I had forgotten her completely. I got up with a guilty feeling and headed straight for the kitchen. I did everything mechanically. It was natural, wasn’t it?

The day passed on and I did nothing. I forgot about working. I had not been going to my institute for the last two days. My life had come to a halt. Somehow, I managed to go through the day and at night I gulped down a couple of sleeping pills and mercifully fell off to sleep.

When I got up in the morning, it was already seven, time to leave for my morning walk but I was in no mood to go out today. I was afraid of meeting this Urmila again, afraid that she might have some more beans to spill. I sat up in bed, when my cell rang. I looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. Could it be her? I let it ring. It got disconnected, soon it started ringing again, the same number, oh what the heck, I will talk to her, why should I be afraid? I picked up the phone and answered it. I was about to say hello, when she spoke.

“Lalit, I am waiting for you outside”

“Outside the Park?”

No, outside your house, if you don’t come out within five minutes, I am going to come in, so decide, will you come out or should I come in?”

Oh, my God, how the hell did she know where I stayed, my address was not even mentioned on my facebook profile although my cell number was. What was she up to? She seemed to be one determined woman and it was then that I realized –there was no way out for me now, I had no escape routes left, this woman would not let me alone. It was time to confront my past, the past which I had tried my best to run away from…!

Day8

Yes, confront my past I would but that was not my immediate problem, my dilemma was whether to ask her to come in or go out as she wanted! I could not ask her to come in, I did not want Iha to meet her,    and rather I did not want her to meet Iha. If I asked her to come in, she might blurt out things which I would never want my daughter to know. So, I decided to go out. I went out but she was nowhere to be seen. Where could she be? I was standing on the verandah; I looked to my left, looked to my right but no Urmila. I walked up to the main gate, opened it. The first thing I saw was a gleaming black car, it was a Honda city, seemed to be brand new. It was parked right in front of the gate. I looked inside the car and there she was, sitting at the steering wheel like a queen waiting for her slave. I had time to see that she was wearing a pink outfit; at least the top was pink. I walked up to the window. She gave me a mischievous glance and smiled, the smile was bewitching and again I felt my heart beat getting faster and faster. No doubt, she was very beautiful, but how could she have this kind of an effect upon me? I almost hated her. I stood there, speechless.

“What happened, Lalit, why are giving me that awful stare, I am not a ghost, am I? And believe me, Lalit,  I am not as bad as you think”

“What the hell are you doing here? How dare you come to my place? And how on earth did you know my address?”

“Calm down, Lalit, there are people around; they might think we are having a fight.”

“I care a damn what they think” By now I was really angry; the pent up frustration of all these days was having its say. My house was situated right on the main road and it led to the airport. There were lots of cars racing by, other vehicles too and many people on foot. There was a tyre repair shop across the road and the owner was looking at me suspiciously. People, passing by, were looking, not only at the shining car but also at the pretty lady inside; they had enough time for that. One of my neighbours had come out and was looking towards me or may be at me. He knew my wife was not in town so he must have been wondering what was going on. People have nasty minds. Oh, let them think whatever they wanted to, they were the least of my concern. I had other things on my mind.

“Lalit, how can you be such a fool? When I could find out where you went for your morning walk, would it have been difficult for me to find out where you lived? I thought you were more intelligent than that. Anyway, no point standing here, get in fast” She made it sound like an order which she knew would be followed.

“I can’t, my daughter is alone at home”

Don’t you worry about her; she just turned sixteen, didn’t she? She is big enough to take care of herself” She seemed to know everything but now I was not surprised, I had come to accept the fact that she had done her homework very well.

“O.K.  I will come with you but let me inform her that I am going out, I will be back in few minutes”

“Make it fast, I don’t have time” My foot, she didn’t have time. She had enough time to follow me all around the town and she didn’t have time to wait for a few minutes! What the hell was she up to now? And where was she planning to take me? I was not bound to go with her, why should I? I will go in and stay inside, what will she do if I don’t come out? She wouldn’t create a scene on the road, would she? I went in, woke up my daughter and told her I would be back in an hour or so. She was so sleepy, she just nodded her head and went back to sleep. Should I go or not? I knew I shouldn’t but my feet took me outside, she opened the passenger door and I got in. The moment I put on the seat belt, she drove off.

“Where are we going?”

“Nowhere, just for a drive, the best way to have a cozy talk, isn’t it?”

“Urmila, why are you here? What do you want?”

“I don’t want anything, all I wanted was to meet you, and after all I hadn’t met you for almost thirty years! Thirty years is a long time, I have missed you, you have no idea how much?”

“Were you really in love with me?”

“What do you think? Do you think I am lying?”

“Are you really Anita’s sister?”

“Come on Lalit, don’t ask silly questions. You very well know, I am. Didn’t you notice the resemblance when you saw me for the first time? Wasn’t this resemblance to my sister, thatkept on drawing you towards me?” She was right. I had refused to see the truth, you might say, I had deliberately shut the truth out. I must admit now that the moment I saw her for the first time, I knew she was Anita’s younger sister, she looked so much like Anita and I had been lying to myself by saying that I had forgotten how she looked. She was right in saying that I was attracted to her precisely because she was Anita’s sister .I must also make a confession. Even after so many years, I had been unable to forget Anita.

“What made you suddenly decide to meet me? Why now, why not earlier? Do you expect me to believe that after so many years you had a fit of nostalgia and came running to see me,  God knows from where?”

“I didn’t know your whereabouts so how could I have come to meet you?”

“Wow, do you expect me to believe you came to know I was in Jaipur just a week back and straightaway started searching for me, Ha, what nonsense!” I had been so engrossed in talking to her that I had no idea where we were. I looked out of the window and saw the university campus going by, we had been driving for nearly eight kilometers and I had not realized it.

“Turn back, Urmila, my daughter must be waiting for me” There was a U turn ahead and thankfully she turned back. As she drove along, I looked at her or rather stared at her. Oh, how much she reminded me of Anita, why did she have to come here and destroy my peaceful life. I did not believe her that she came merely to have a look at me. Her coming to Jaipur was no result of a sudden awakening of old feelings, there was much more to it than that and I had to find out.

“ Urmila, where is Anita?”

“That I am not going to tell you-never” The fierceness with which she uttered these words came as no surprise to me. I knew Anita wouldn’t want me to know where she was!

“Urmila, why are you in Jaipur? Where is Prakash? Why isn’t he with you?” She did not answer, kept looking at the road ahead, an impassive look on her face. I waited for her to say something but in vain. Soon, we reached close to my house. I was desperate to know the truth.

“Answer me Urmila, please”

She brought the car to a halt right outside the gate of my house.

“Prakash was the one who sent me after you and he is very much with me, here in Jaipur. You know very well why he is doing all this. Now go home and think, Prakash  must be waiting for me.”

I got out of the car and walked very slowly towards the gate. So it was Prakash. How could a man be so vindictive, how could someone be so hell-bent on taking revenge for something which had happened a long long time ago and how could a man use his wife for that purpose? Wait a minute, why should I believe that Urmila was Prakash’s wife? Why should I believe Urmila at all? It was all a mystery and I would have to do something about it. Who was behind all this-Prakash? Anita? Or Urmila acting on her own….?

Day9

I entered the house, with all these thoughts weighing upon my mind. Iha was still, sleeping. I looked at my watch, it was 9.30. I was sure she wouldn’t get up before noon. I sat in the drawing room; it was in a mess, as it normally is, when Santosh is away. I was too lazy to keep the rooms clean. Things were lying all around the room-clothes, books, newspapers and it all looked very shabby but it did not affect me in any way. May be I liked to have things cluttered around me. As I was looking around, my eyes fell on my cell phone which was lying on the table. I must have forgotten to take it with me. It had never happened before; I always make it a point to carry my cell with me wherever I go. Today, it had slipped my mind. I picked up the phone and saw there were a couple of missed calls, one was from Santosh and the other was from Shantanu. Shantanu must have been waiting for me at the Park and at my failure to turn up, he must have wanted to know why I had not come. Santosh rings me up all through the day, she calls me up in the morning, afternoon, evening, in fact at all times of the day. She gets worried if I don’t answer the phone. I was sure she must be worried. I rang her up and the first thing she asked me was why I had not bothered to pick up the phone. I told her about the morning so far, described everything in detail and asked her what I should do now. She told me not to worry, everything would be fine. Talking to her was some kind of a relief. She was a very understanding woman. I had told her everything about my relationship with Anita before we got married so I had nothing to be afraid of as far as my wife was concerned. Even now I was keeping her informed of all that was happening and she was also following all the events through my facebook updates. Although, I had told her everything about my past, there was one secret of mine which she was unaware of.  I don’t know what had prevented me from telling her that and now I regretted it. Sorry, Santosh,as you read this you will come to know that I had not been completely truthful with you, I hope you forgive me.

After talking to Santosh, I sat back and started to think about what might or might not be and also what my course of action would be. Urmila had said that Prakash was also in Jaipur, in fact he was the one who had sent her on this Mission Lalit, yes it was a mission, wasn’t it? And the mission was to cause me some kind of harm, mental, physical or may be both. The mental part had already begun, right since the day I had met Urmila, I had not been able to sleep properly, I had not been able to concentrate on my work and I had needed sleeping pills to put me off to sleep. Writing these updates helped me in so far as I was able to share my burden with others and get some sympathy from my friends and students. I wondered how long they would continue to sympathise with me, I was sure the moment they came to know that ugly past of mine, they would start hating me. If they hated me, I couldn’t help it, I had already made the decision of revealing everything, getting all those monsters off my back and I was going to stick to it.

I was suddenly jolted out of my thoughts as my eyes fell on the clock in front of me. It was almost twelve and I had not done anything. I had to prepare breakfast for Iha and also cook something for lunch. How I wished Santosh had been here, I wouldn’t have had to worry about all these things! I got up reluctantly, took a quick bath and entered the kitchen when my cell started buzzing. I had kept it on the kitchen slab, as I normally do when I am working there, and  I was startled., I don’t know why, after all I kept on getting phone calls all through the day. My reaction showed that I had almost become a nervous wreck. Round one to you, Prakash? I picked up the phone and without bothering to look at the screen, I said, ”Hello”

“Hello, Lalit, having a nice time, aren’t you?” It was female voice and completely unfamiliar.

“Who is this?”

“You don’t recognize my voice Lalit, but then how can you? You haven’t met me since you left Amritsar”

The moment she said Amritsar, fear gripped me .So far I had been worried; I had been tense but never afraid. Now I was. The very name of Amritsar had started becoming a nightmare for me, a place I had loved so much, a place where I had spent some of the best days of my life had slowly started becoming a place I hated!

“Now don’t you play games with me, I am in no mood to play I spy. Will you please tell me who you are?” I said with a fair bit of anger in my voice.

 Ha, Ha , Ha, The same old temper, you haven’t changed at all, My dear Baitu” There was only one person in this world who used to call me by that name. My heart sank, I felt giddy, it   seemed I was about to have a fall, I leaned against the kitchen slab for support. It was as if my world had fallen apart. Why had all these people suddenly ganged up against me and why now, why after so many years? One thing was clear, all the three were in cohorts, they were working as a team and their sole purpose was to shatter my peaceful family life. For the first time, fear gripped me. So far I had been worried, I had been tense but never afraid. Now I was frightened, scared to death, as they say.

“Where are you calling from? Are you also in Jaipur?”

“Oh, I am glad You remember me. Good for you that you do. No, I am not in Jaipur but wherever I am I will not let you stay in peace now. What you did in Amritasr was unpardonable and unforgivable, and I will make you pay for it, Baitu” With these words, Anita disconnected the phone.

All the three people who had been a very important part of my life in Amritsar, had now come back not to give me the kind of happiness they once used to but to make my life miserable. Anita oh, Anita, how can you do this to me? You were in love with me, you wanted to spend your entire life with me, what made you change and change so much?

My mind went back to that evening when I had seen Anita for the first time. It was Lohri, it is an important festival in Punjab.  It was evening, we were all sitting around the fire when my eyes fell on her, the moment I saw her, I knew I had fallen in love…

Day10

Yes, I had fallen in love and that too for the first time in my life. I had no idea who this girl was, I had never seen her before, was she from the colony or had she come from somewhere else?  We used to stay in a colony which was named Central Revenue Colony. It was called so because it was meant for the employees of the Income Tax department and the Department of Central Excise and Customs. My father worked in the excise and customs department and therefore he had been allotted quarters in this colony. The colony was not very big, almost everyone knew everyone else. It was very quiet and peaceful. It had a playground at the center and there was a road going all around that ground. Most of the quarters were by the side of this road. The road was used by residents for their morning and evening walks and, we the youngsters used the ground for playing cricket. Cricket was my passion and we played almost daily. I used to spend a lot of time in the ground and also the road was no stranger to my feet and yet I had never set eyes on this pretty girl, this was somewhat of a surprise to me.

These thoughts were going through my mind but my eyes were riveted to her face. She was sitting on the ground, close to the bonfire, as a result of which her lovely face glowed and shone. She was fare, her eyes were deep and attractive and the expression on her face looked full of innocence. My be , it was this innocent charm of hers which  drew me towards her. There were lots of people around the fire, some sitting but most of them standing. As was the custom, groundnuts and some sweet things were being thrown into the fire. I was standing with my friends exactly opposite the lovely looking girl. I wished she would look up at me but her eyes remained totally focused on the fire,not for a moment did she look around her, at least I didn’t notice her doing so.

“Who is that girl, Jayesh?” I asked a friend standing close to me.

“Which one?”

“The one over there” I pointed her out with my eyes.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know her, Lalit, she is the most popular girl in the colony and even outside it!”

“What is her name?”

She is Anita, Anita Suri,  she is the daughter of Mr. Suri, Assistant commissioner in the Income tax department”

So she was from the colony, that was a relief.

Ladies and gentleman, now lalit will sing a song for us” I was taken completely aback,me and sing, that too in front of this girl. In spite of my all my protestations, I had no alternative but to sing. Which song would I sing? I was thinking if a song which would express my sentiments at that moment. All eyes were on me but Anita was sitting in the same position, for her Lalit was  just a name and nothing else. I looked at her and started singing-na yeh chand hoga na tare rahenge magar hum hamesha tumhare rahenge-it was an old Hemant kumar favourite if mine and a love song to boot. When the song was over,there was the usual clapping all around but I could not help observing, that Anita did not even nod her head. What kind of a girl was she? May be a shy one, an introvert or may be arrogant! Suddenly someone shouted,

“Another one, Lalit “ The effort of singing one song had already drained me out, particularly because  of my nervousness, but sing I did and this time I chose a Kishore Kumar number, thinking and hoping, she might like it. The song I sang was-Roop tera aisa darpan main na  samaaye, khushbu tere tan ki madhuban main na samaye….- The result was the same, no reaction from her at all. She did not even bother to see who the singer was. I felt really frustrated. I knew it would be a very tough task for me to win her over.

The celebrations got over and all of us headed for our homes. I was very reluctant to leave, I wanted to spend some more time watching her but I realized she had vanished. It seemed she had been in a great hurry to reach home. I wondered if she had any friends, from what I had seen, she seemed to be a loner.

I walked back home slowly, told my mother I was not hungry and lay down on my bed. Sleep was miles away from me; all I could think of was Anita. The picture of her glowing pretty face refused to   leave me. I doubt if I slept at all that night. I woke up early in the morning and hesded straight for Jayesh’d house. His father was also in the income tax department so I thought he would be having some information about her.

“Jayesh!!” I shouted from outside his house. His mother came out and told me he was still sleeping

“Please.Would you wake her up, it is very urgent” I did not address her as Auntie as was the practice because I was not long since I had come from Kashmir and Kashmiris were not in the habit of  using such a form of address.She went and in and soon Jayesh came out.

“Lalit,so early and that too in this cold?” It was mid January and winter was at its peak, the time must have been around seven.

“ Sorry, man, come with me for a walk”

“What is it?” He asked as we started walking in the blistering cold.

“Oh I see, is it about Anita?”

“Yes I want to know something about her and you seem to know a lot about her”

“I see, so she has cast her spell over you also!!!”

“What do you mean, over me also?”
“Lalit, my advice to you is, forget her, and forget her now before it is too late”

“ Why should her forget her, why do you say so?”

“She has already broken a lot of hearts and I don’t want yours to be the next one” Jayesh was a friendly character,charming,good looking ,with a wonderful sense of humour.

“Don’t try to be funny, tell me the truth” I almost snapped at him. We had been walking quite fast when he looked towards the left and said, ”This is her flat, I mean her father’s flat, oh, I mean the flat allotted to her father” He was pointing at the top floor of a double storied apartment block.

This is where your Anita lives. She is doing her graduation, it is her second year in college,she has one sister and two brothers .I go to her place quite often since we are family friends.Anything else?”

“Why do you want me to stay away from her?’

“Because she doesn’t have a good reputation. They say, she has lots of boyfriends and she had  many affairs during her school days”

“Nonsense, I don’t believe a single word of this, people take sadistic pleasure in destroying the reputations of girls, especially pretty girls. I am not the one to get discouraged by your words”

“As you wish, Lalit, it is your funeral” with these words, he turned back and I walked slowly towards my house, very disturbed at what Jayesh had said but confident that all these must be nothing but rumours…