I stood rooted to the floor, absolutely stunned. I had not expected this at all. I had not done anything wrong. I had not bothered her in any way; all I had done was be there at the time of her going to college and at the time of her coming back. I had not made any comments, I had not even stared at her, and I would only get a chance to have a glimpse of her as she went past. In what way could this be called indecent or offensive? Her action was beyond my comprehension. I was hurt and I was angry. I went inside, determined not to repeat what I had been doing. From now onwards, I would not even look at her, if I ever came across her.
I did not waver from my resolve and tried to concentrate on my studies. It was already the middle of March and our exams were to begin in the last week, so my priority had to be studies and nothing else. I drowned myself in my books and it also helped in keeping my mind away from Anita. During those days, I cut myself off from all my friends including, Prakash. He rang me up a few times and asked me to come over; Urvashi was creating a fuss as she was insisting on seeing me. Every time I refused. I did not feel like meeting Praksh. Urvashi had started getting on my nerves. She hadn’t even touched ten and she was behaving like a sixteen year old. I was afraid I might become an obsession with her. It was better for me to avoid her.
The days passed, exams came and went by but during this time I neither tried to see Anita nor did I come across her on the roads or the streets of Amritsar. Summer time was here, it was the beginning of May and the temperatures had already touched forty. Amritsar can be very cold in the winters and extremely hot in the summers. This was my first summer outside Kashmir. The heat started becoming intolerable for me. I told my parents I wanted to go to Srinagar. I wanted to see my grandparents. They were reluctant to send me mainly because we were always short of money but they agreed, knowing that the streak of stubbornness in me would force them to send me in any case.
As I started making preparations to visit my hometown, my native place, the memories of Anita started haunting me more and more. Although I had not seen her for a long time, my desire to see her, to meet her was very much present in my heart. If I went to Srinagar, I would miss her and miss her a lot. There was one thing I wanted to do, I wanted to tell her that I loved her and I wanted to do so before I left for Srinagar. How was it possible for me to do that? I didn’t have courage to face her and here I was thinking of telling her that I loved her. Impossible! But I knew I would not be able to leave Amritsar without conveying my sentiments to her. There was no way I could meet her, that was out of the question. Suddenly an idea struck me. Why not write to her? But how would I give her that letter? I thought and thought until I realized there was only one way. I would have to take help of one of my friends. Whom could I trust? It had to be either Swarn or Jayesh. Both of them used to visit her place and any of them could deliver my missive. After weighing all the pros and cons, I hit upon Jayesh, I don’t know why but he seemed to me the right man for this. I thought I could trust him.
The day before I was to leave I called Jayesh over to my house. I had already written my note to Anita. It was a short one. I had written how I had been smitten by her the very first time I saw her. I clearly said, I loved her, I asked her to reply only if she had similar feelings for me, if I did not hear from her, I would understand that she did not love me. I also mentioned my going to Srinagar, gave her my address and asked her to write to me if she felt like. I wondered whether giving her my Srinagar address was a wise thing to do but wise or not, I did it.
Soon, Jayesh was at my doorstep. I quickly explained everything to him and stressed the importance of this note reaching Anita. I had expected an initial refusal but to my pleasant surprise, he agreed to go immediately and even promised me that he would have a reply for me within an hour. He almost snatched the note from my hands and rushed off. It was evening, about seven but not dark as yet. I did not go inside, my mother called out to me a couple of times but I ignored her. My heart was beating fast, I was nervous; I had no idea what answer I would get. I knew I had taken a grave risk not only in sending the note but also in choosing Jayesh as the messenger. Nothing could be done now; it was no use regretting what I had done so the only thing I could do was to hope for the best. Time weighed heavy upon my shoulders, as each minute passed my impatience started growing. I had no idea how much time had elapsed when I saw Jayesh walking briskly towards me. I looked at his face, he was smiling and his smile gave me hope.
“What happened?” I asked, trying to hide the impatience from my voice.
“Lalit, you have nothing to worry about. She read your letter, she read it twice”
“What did she say? Where is her reply?”
“She did not write anything but she asked me to tell you that she would write to you on your Srinagar address” Why did she do that? She could have said yes or no at that time itself, why did she want me to wait till I reached Srinagar? Was she bent upon torturing me? Was Jayesh playing games with me? Had I made a mistake in trusting him? As all these thoughts kept going through my mind, I happened to glance at the road outside and I got the shock of my life. What had he been doing here? If he was in the colony why had he not come to meet me? My God mischief was afoot. The man I saw going by towards the exit gate was none other than Prakash. My head went into a spin; I knew Jayesh and Prakash had been together on this. I controlled my expressions, thanked Jayesh and went inside. Was there a trap being laid for me and that too so cleverly and intelligently that getting out of it would be impossible for me?..!
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