Who is she,part 28

Part 28

The fatigue of the journey and the emotional strain I had gone through made me have a sound sleep. When I woke up, the sun was already up, rays of the sun were falling on my face, and they were coming from the window to my left which was facing the east. For some time, I felt completely disoriented. I t took a little time for me to realize that I was in my old room in Srinagar. I looked out of the window to my right and I could see the house of our neighbours. All the windows were closed; it was obvious the house was empty. I got out of bed and stood in front of the window, the window near which I had placed my writing table. The window opened out onto the main road and I had an excellent view, not only of the road immediately in front of the house but also of the main Karan Nagar road. Beyond that, in the distance, were the mountains, the sight of which always thrilled me. I could even see the snow on top of the mountains. I remembered how I would spend hours looking at this amazing view with a book in my hand; if anybody entered I would pretend to be studying. Those were really the days which I would never forget. As I was lost in my own thoughts, Khalid walked in with a cup of tea. He knew I never left my room without having tea. He greeted me and asked me whether I had had a comfortable night.

“Yes, Khalid, I had a very comfortable night”

“We kept the room just as you left it. Amma would not allow anyone to make any changes; she always said that when you come you should find your room exactly as you had wanted it to be. She never allowed anyone to use this room, not even the most important of guests” I was touched by his words and my guilt came back to haunt me, the guilt of not having bothered to visit my grandparents for such a long time. How could I have become such a stone hearted man? Does love make a person callous? Did my love for Anita make me indifferent to the love of Amma and Babuji? I had no answers to these questions but one fact I could not deny. It was because I wanted to stay close to Anita that had made me reluctant to come to my home. My parents had come to Kashmir many times in the last six years but I had always refused to accompany them. Love for Anita had made me selfish and self centered; this was the reality I had to accept. I could not blame Anita for that. She had never said that I should not go to Kashmir, as a matter of fact I had never asked her.

“Lovely tea, Khalid” I said.

Bittuji, I know I can talk to you frankly and I want discuss something important with you, can I?”

“Of course, you can, Khalid, you don’t need to ask.”

“Bittuji, why do you people want to take Babuji and Amma away from here? They are very happy out here, in spite of the fact that all their children have left them. Papaji could have easily stayed back. He had a job here and nothing to worry about” Papaji was also an employee of the P.W.D. “ Gasha and his family could have also stayed’ Gasha was Babuji’s younger brother. His son also worked for the’ infamous’ P.W.D. “When the trouble started, none of them talked about leaving. It was only after they saw everyone leaving, that they also decided to follow. Babuji tried his best to stop Gasha but he wouldn’t agree. It really broke Babuji’s heart but you know how Babuji is, he never showed his emotions. Soon after, Papaji announced they had decided to leave. He made every effort to persuade his father to accompany them but Babuji flatly refused as did Amma. You should have seen the way Amma pleaded with Papaji asking him not to leave but Papaji and his wife had already made up their minds. The day Papaji left, Amma cried the whole day. Two of her sons had left a long time back and now the son with whom she had hoped to spend the rest of her life was  also deserting her. You can well imagine her plight.”

“Khalid, they were forced to leave, the circumstances were such. The killings of some Kashmiri Pandits had sent a wave of fear across their hearts. I heard threats were made by Muslims, asking the pundits to leave or accept Nizam-e- Mustafa. Pundits thought they would be forcibly converted to Islam or killed. So how can you blame them for leaving?”

“Much of what you say is true but it is not the whole truth. I agree with what you say but the threats came from just a few people, some fanatics. The majority was not with them. Many Muslims tried their best to stop the pundits from leaving but the fear had reached such heights that nothing could stop them.”

“And what about your demand for aazadi (independence)”?

“Yes, we want aazadi but we want it for all Kashmiris including Pundits. They are also Kashmiris, aren’t they? But anyway, what I want to say is that your Babuji and Amma are perfectly happy here and also safe. Has anyone harmed them so far? Has anyone even threatened them?”

“Khalid, I am myself confused about the whole thing. I really don’t know what is happening. All I know is that Lalaji wants them out of here and so does Bhaisahab.”

“They won’t agree to leave Bittuji, you may try to persuade them, force them but you won’t succeed. Bittuji, why don’t you stay here? You are the apple of Amma’s eye. Bhaisahb and Lalaji have their jobs but you are free. You can easily get a job here. Think about it, Bittuji, I am quite serious. Now get ready, they will be waiting for you downstairs” Khalid picked up the now empty cup of tea and left.

My already confused mind became more muddled after listening to him. I had no idea about what action I should take nor did I know who was right and who was wrong. My immediate problem was to reach Chandigarh by the 9^th. I had to think of a way to do that. I could not bear the thought of Anita marrying someone else. It was impossible for me to think about a life without her. It was the 7^th, which meant I must leave on the 8^th – the next day. How would I manage it? And Khalid was talking about my staying on in Kashmir! That was impossible. As I got ready for going downstairs, I had reached a decision and no one could change my mind.

I entered the living room. Bhaisahab was having a heated argument with Babuji.

“Why don’t you understand? Kashmir is no longer a place for Kashmiri pundits. The local Muslims want us to leave. They want independence; they don’t want to stay with India. I met lots of Pundits in Jammu who had been forced to leave their homes. I heard their stories of suffering and pain. We will not let you go through all that. You will have to come with us.”

“What suffering are you talking about? In what way did they suffer? The moment a few Kashmiri Pundits were killed, they ran away. They are suffering in Jammu, they were not suffering here”

“So what did you want? Did you want them to stay back and wait for getting killed by these militants? They may not be happy in Jammu but at least they are alive”

“They were living like kings here; out there they are living at the mercy of the Indian government. They have been reduced to beggars, asking the Indian Government for money. We don’t want to live the life of beggars. Here is Bittuji, ask him about Punjab. He was there when terrorism was at its peak over there”

“What should I ask him? He is still a kid, he wasn’t even aware of the developments in Kashmir until he was asked to come here so what can he tell us about Punjab?”

“Bittuji, how many Hindu families left Amritsar when they were being killed by the Sikhs?’ I could not think of a single family that had left Amritsar.

“I don’t know, Babuji, I have no idea at all”

“Hindus were being killed like cattle in Punjab; they were dragged out of buses, out of trains and shot dead like animals. But did they leave their homes, their jobs? No they did not because they knew the value, the importance of staying grounded to their roots. Kashmiri Pundits never faced what the Punjabi Hindus faced so why should we be afraid?” Babuji almost shouted. What Babuji was saying was not far from the truth. I had been in Amritsar when Operation Bluestar had taken place. I had seen the anger of the Sikhs; even my Sikh friends had not hesitated to tell me how they felt! There was a fifteen day curfew all over the state. In Amritsar, we could hear the sound of gunfire day and night. We stayed indoors but there was no fear. After the operation ended, things returned to normal but the killings of Hindus did not stop. We carried on with our lives as usual. I did not hear any Hindu talking about leaving.

“Babuji don’t try to divert the issue by comparing Punjab with Kashmir, there can be no comparison between the two. Amma, pack up your clothes, we are leaving tomorrow. Rasool will come to pick us up in the morning. And Babuji, please don’t forget to pay me the taxi fare and the money which I spent on the way. I would not have asked you to pay but I had not got my salary when Lalaji asked me to accompany Bittuji to this place” Bhaisahb was really incorrigible.
I had remained silent for too long and suddenly something snapped inside me.

“No one is going anywhere. I will stay here with Babuji and Amma. Bhaisahab, you can leave in the morning, Babuji will pay you the money” I was angry and my anger could be felt by all present. Amma had a look of pleasant surprise on her face, Babuji looked at me in a puzzled manner and Bhaisahb’s face had stupefaction written all over it. I had made the most important decision of my life. I had no idea what this would cost me!