Since everyone believed I had been at the hotel, I did not want to disturb them by telling them the truth. I did not deny my being at the hotel, just told them that an army friend of Prakash's was posted in Srinagar, he had come to meet Prakash and he was the one who dropped me home. Prakash and Anita would come the next day as the army man felt it would not be safe for a young girl at this time of the night, even with all the security. Babuji nodded his head in approval and so did Amma. They asked me to have dinner but I said I had already eaten. I said I was very tired and would like to go to bed. Amma tried to persuade me to have a little bit of haakh and rice but I refused. Although I was feeling hungry, I was in no mood to eat. I wanted to go up to my room, lie dowd on the bed and think about the unsolved puzzles of the day. I said a quick good night and rushed upstairs. It was impolite of me to run off like that but I could not help myself.
As soon as I entered my room, I flung myself onto the bed without bothering to change. My mind had become a cauldron. I was absolutely clueless about what had happened. There were lots of unanswered questions. Why had the army picked me up? They did not ask me anything. They had accused me of having militant links but did not try to find if I had any. They just held me captive for a day and let me go. Why? And Prakash? His behaviour was even more mystifying. Why did he lie to Babuji? Normally, he would have asked Babu Ji why I had not come to the hotel as decided but he said I was with him. Why would he have said that? Why this prevarication? Did Prakash have some kind of a hidden motive? What could that be? He had been my friend for years, always helped me when I needed it, even now he was helping me. He escorted Anita to Srinagar? Why? Obviously because of me. He wanted to see to it that Anita reached me safely otherwise what was the need for him to come all the way to this place? Simple questions, simple answers. But why did all this cause commotion in my mind? Why had I suddenly become a doubting Thomas? There were certain questions which had no answers. Now that things had taken this shape, I thought over the happenings of the last few days all over. Anita was in Chandigarh and Prakash in Amritsar. Anita had found it almost impossible to talk to me, her father would not let her use the phone by herself. How had she managed to get in touch with Prakash? How had they planned this trip to Srinagar? Anita had made it clear that she was coming all alone, Prakash had been nowhere in the picture, then how the sudden change of plans? Prakash was a very good friend but had I really needed his help in escorting Anita to Srinagar? Obviously, Anita had and Prakash had willingly obliged. Prakash had known Anita long before I met her, he had been close to the family. Stop it, I told myself. I was suspecting my best friend of deceit, this was not done. He had been a great help. Yet, I was not feeling happy about it all, particularly after the lies he had told Babuji. Maybe, I was being unfair to him. His not telling the truth to Babuji might have been because he did not not want my folks to worry. Had he told Babuji I had not reached the hotel, all hell would have broken loose. I was being unfair to Prakash or was I?
Lots of questions but hardly any answers. There was no point in troubling my mind further. I would get all the answers in the morning from Prakash himself. I was totally exhausted. The day's happenings had drained me out, both emotionally and physically.Although, I was restless and impatient to rush to the hotel, I was also aware of the fact that nothing would happen before the morrow so why not get some sleep. I don't remember what time I dozed off but I must have fallen asleep immediately because I don't have any recollection of any further thoughts of that night.
I woke up with a start. The rays of the sun were falling on my eyes. I had not drawn the curtains last night so the sun was shining straight on my face. I looked at my watch, I was startled to find that it was already nearing 8. I had planned to leave for the hotel at seven. I had over slept. It took me about half an hour to get ready and at 8.30 I entered the living room. Babuji was, as usual, reading the newspaper and Amma was occupied with slicing potatoes.
" Namaskar, gobra ( loving endearment for a son). I didn't send Khalid to wake you up because I thought you needed to rest but it seems you are all ready to go somewhere, you are all dressed up. Where are you going so early in the morning?" Amma asked me lovingly with a tinge of surprise in her voice.
" To the hotel, Amma. I have to bring Anita here"
" But why so early? Aren't you going to have breakfast?"
" No, Amma, I will have breakfast in the hotel. I hope there is no curfew today, Babuji?" Babiji looked up at me as if he was noticing me for the first time.
" Nothing in the papers about any curfew but you know how it is these days, a curfew can be clamped any time anywhere. I know I can't stop you from going so no point in trying. Take an auto, I am sure you will get one at this time and if you see any disturbance on the way, just turn back, understand?"
" Yes, Babuji, I will be careful, don't worry" While I was talking, Khalid had already put a tray in front of me. There were two rotis with butter and a cup of kehwa. I was not hungry, how could I be under the circumstances but I gobbled up the whole meal in no time at all, as if I had not eaten for years. Maybe, it was because I was in hurry to leave.
" Don't you need any money?" Babuji asked just as I was about to step out of the room. It dawned upon me that I had no money left, my pockets were empty. Whatever money I had brought from Amritsar had already been spent. Without waiting for an answer, Babuji took a wade of currency notes out of his pocket and gave them to me as he used to do during my school days. I grabbed the money and marched out of the room without any thanks, namaskar or anything. It seemed I had become completely selfish.
I walked out of the house to find the road completely deserted. The only people I could see were the men in uniform with guns in their hands. My heart sank. I thought it was another day of curfew. How would I reach the hotel? If it was really a day of curfew, there was no way I could manage to go past the security forces. I decided to walk towards the main road from where I would take an auto rickshaw. I walked slowly, knowing fully well that soon I would hear someone shouting me to stop. No one did. I reached the main road and was relieved to see a few shops open. There were people around and some civilian vehicles were also moving around. So there was no curfew. I heaved a sigh of relief.
It was all very well to feel good about there being no curfew but would I be able to get a conveyance for reaching my destination? The city bus service and the other means of local transport had been severely affected by the troubled situation in the city. Apart from some private cars, the only other vehicles visible were the army ones. I stood for a while, looking to my left and right for any signs of a taxi or an auto rickshaw but I could see none. Would I have to walk it? It was about ten kilometres to the hotel. Walking the whole distance was not much of a problem but it would take a long time and my impatience was-growing. But if I failed to get any means of transport, did I have any alternative? None at all. so I decided to start my long walk with a strong hope that on the way I would certainly find something . I turned left and started walking. A couple of people who knew me asked me where I was going . I told them I had some work. They warned me to be careful. A sense of fear pervaded the atmosphere. It was very much palpable. Not many people moved out of their houses.
Karan Nagar had been a predominantly Pundit colony. There were very few Muslim houses in the area. The shopkeepers were all Muslims but they came from other areas of the city. The huge houses to my left and right were all deserted. Not a soul resided in them. The hustle and bustle that I had been used to was sadly missing. The fear of being killed had forced the inhabitants to leave their homes and the sight of all these vacant houses made me feel terribly sad. The road, which used to be teeming with people rushing to their offices, looked lonely and forlorn. There was a lot of movement but it was the movement of the security forces and the sight of them filled me with fear. It is really a scary sight to see armed men all around you. I knew any time somebody in uniform would accost me, search me, ask me questions and may be even detain me. Although I had the comfort of knowing that Kashmiri Hindus were not harassed, it was little solace to me as I had already faced the wrath of the men in uniform twice.
Curious glances were thrown at me but no one stopped me. I had reached Neelam cinema, which was closed, like all the other cinema halls in the city, I saw an auto rickshaw parked by the side of the road. My hopes soared. Now I would reach the hotel in no time. I looked for the driver but there was nobody to be seen. My eyes fell on the cinema hall. It was in a good condition. Someone had told me it had been renovated sometime back. I recalled the number of times my friends and I had rushed here to see a new movie. But now there were no movies to be seen. Watching movies had been declared Un-Islamic by some fanatics. It saddened me. Had never imagined such a thing happening in the serene and peaceful environment of the valley.
"Kya hazTchev vichan?" The voice caught me by surprise. I looked to my left and right but could not see anyone. I turned around and there he was. A young man in his thirties, wearing a pheran, although it was not cold enough for such a dress but pherans were the common choice of people, even in the summers. The difference being that the summer pherans were not made of warm material, just light cotton. This man seemed to be wearing a cotton pheran.
" Sallamvallekum" I greeted him.
"Vallekumsalaam' he replied in a pleasant tone." Are you a Kashmiri Pundit, you certainly look like one?"
" Yes, I am "
"Yeath kya tchuk karaan'? (what are you doing here?) " Didn't you leave the valley with the others?"
" That I will tell you later, is this auto yours?"
"Yes, it is.Planning to go to the bus stand or the airport?" I could sense heavy sarcasm laced with resentment in his voice. I wanted to talk to him, ask him lots of things but at that time, my mind was elsewhere. All I wanted was to reach the hotel.
" I want to go to the Boulevard. Can you take me?"
" Oh, so you want to take a shikara ride at this time? Great." Again being sarcastic.
" I want to go to Hotel Lake View, I have to meet some friends. They are waiting for me."
" Fine, hop in. will take you" His attitude had changed, I wondered why.
" How much?" I asked
" Just a 100 rupees, punditji, I am not going to over charge you." I was in no mood to haggle. I was happy to have got a conveyance. I jumped and asked him to hurry up.
There were very few vehicles on the road and most of them were army ones. It was almost nine and this time the roads should have been bustling with life, people rushing to work, people standing in corners exchanging gossip, vendors selling fish, vegetables etc.. these were the sights of yore that I remembered but today all that was missing. Srinagar seemed to have lost its life. As we crossed the Badshah Bridge, I looked at the waters of the Jehlum below. The Jehlum looked calm and serene oblivious of the happenings around it.
I would have loved to stop and walk on the road which I had trodden many a time in the past but my mind was completely pre occupied. I wanted to reach the hotel and confront Anita and Prakash. I wanted to know the truth. Most of all, I wanted to meet Anita, I was craving for a glimpse of her. God, it had been a long time since I had seen her last.
" Didn't you leave with the others?' I heard the auto rickshaw driver ask.' All of you have deserted your homeland, don't you feel bad about it?"
I was about to answer that they were the ones who had forced us to leave but controlled myself. The man seemed to be a friendly kind of a fellow and why blame him for what had happened?
" No, I did not" I answered.
" Where is your house?"
"In Karan Nagar", I replied.
" As far as I know, all KPs have left that place, all your houses are lying vacant and a lot of them have been occupied by the army. Which part of Karan Nagar is your house in?"
I was least interested in talking but I gave him all the details.
"Oh, you are from the Magazine family. Bobji (Babuji) is your grandfather. I know him very well. He has ridden in my auto many a time, sitting exactly where you are sitting mow. He is a great man, Everyone respects him. But everyone has left him, only he and Amma stayed behind so who are you?" There was a hint of suspicion in his voice.
" I told you I am his grandson. You are right, everyone left but I was not here so how could I leave/ I have come to take them from here."
" Ha Ha Ha... good luck to you then. They will never leave their beloved Kashmir"
By now, we had reached Dal Gate. There was some activity here, lots of activity in fact. People were buying vegetables, fruits, milk and many other things. There was a sense of urgency among them. They seemed to be in a tearing hurry.
" People are in a hurry because they are not sure when the next curfew will be imposed" The driver seemed to have guessed my thoughts. I wanted to ask him a lot of things but not at that time.
We took the turn towards the boulevard and soon the Dal Lake was right in front of me. It was a beautiful sight, the waters of the lake and the Zabarwan Hills in the background used to be one of my favourite scenes of beauty. But beauty was not what I had come to enjoy. To my left was the lake and to my right were the hotels and other buildings. My eyes were searching for The Lake View when the auto came to a halt.
" Here is your Lake View hotel, Punditji. Don't spend too much time here, you never know when trouble might erupt" There was clearly a note of warning in his voice. I took out a 100 rupee note and gave it to him. He didn't take it.
"No, punditji, no money from you, not from Bobji's grandson." I tried to persuade him but he was adamant. His no really meant no.
I turned around and saw the hotel. It was big one. Prakash belonged to a rich family, no cheap hotels for him. I almost ran inside and stopped only when I reached the reception. A man was sitting behind the counter, reading a newspaper. There seemed to be no one else around.
" Excuse me"
He looked up, with a look of surprise on his face. Obviously, he had not not expected any customers at that time.
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" I suddenly realised that Prakash had not given me his room number as we were suppose to have met at the reception area itself.
" You have a Mr. Prakash staying here. Would you please tell him that Lalit is here to see him. He is waiting for me".
"Mr. Prakash? But he checked out yesterday along with the young woman."
" Checked out? How is that possible? He had asked me to meet him here" I said, a little bit in panic.
" I don't know, sir, but they left yesterday. I remember very clearly because we have very few guests these days"
" Where did they go, did they shift hotels, do you know which hotel they went to?'
"Sir, they did not go to any other hotel. They just left"
" How can you say they did not go to any other hotel?" I almost shouted at him.
" Because they took a taxi to the airport and they had tickets for the afternoon flight to Delhi"
As soon as I entered my room, I flung myself onto the bed without bothering to change. My mind had become a cauldron. I was absolutely clueless about what had happened. There were lots of unanswered questions. Why had the army picked me up? They did not ask me anything. They had accused me of having militant links but did not try to find if I had any. They just held me captive for a day and let me go. Why? And Prakash? His behaviour was even more mystifying. Why did he lie to Babuji? Normally, he would have asked Babu Ji why I had not come to the hotel as decided but he said I was with him. Why would he have said that? Why this prevarication? Did Prakash have some kind of a hidden motive? What could that be? He had been my friend for years, always helped me when I needed it, even now he was helping me. He escorted Anita to Srinagar? Why? Obviously because of me. He wanted to see to it that Anita reached me safely otherwise what was the need for him to come all the way to this place? Simple questions, simple answers. But why did all this cause commotion in my mind? Why had I suddenly become a doubting Thomas? There were certain questions which had no answers. Now that things had taken this shape, I thought over the happenings of the last few days all over. Anita was in Chandigarh and Prakash in Amritsar. Anita had found it almost impossible to talk to me, her father would not let her use the phone by herself. How had she managed to get in touch with Prakash? How had they planned this trip to Srinagar? Anita had made it clear that she was coming all alone, Prakash had been nowhere in the picture, then how the sudden change of plans? Prakash was a very good friend but had I really needed his help in escorting Anita to Srinagar? Obviously, Anita had and Prakash had willingly obliged. Prakash had known Anita long before I met her, he had been close to the family. Stop it, I told myself. I was suspecting my best friend of deceit, this was not done. He had been a great help. Yet, I was not feeling happy about it all, particularly after the lies he had told Babuji. Maybe, I was being unfair to him. His not telling the truth to Babuji might have been because he did not not want my folks to worry. Had he told Babuji I had not reached the hotel, all hell would have broken loose. I was being unfair to Prakash or was I?
Lots of questions but hardly any answers. There was no point in troubling my mind further. I would get all the answers in the morning from Prakash himself. I was totally exhausted. The day's happenings had drained me out, both emotionally and physically.Although, I was restless and impatient to rush to the hotel, I was also aware of the fact that nothing would happen before the morrow so why not get some sleep. I don't remember what time I dozed off but I must have fallen asleep immediately because I don't have any recollection of any further thoughts of that night.
I woke up with a start. The rays of the sun were falling on my eyes. I had not drawn the curtains last night so the sun was shining straight on my face. I looked at my watch, I was startled to find that it was already nearing 8. I had planned to leave for the hotel at seven. I had over slept. It took me about half an hour to get ready and at 8.30 I entered the living room. Babuji was, as usual, reading the newspaper and Amma was occupied with slicing potatoes.
" Namaskar, gobra ( loving endearment for a son). I didn't send Khalid to wake you up because I thought you needed to rest but it seems you are all ready to go somewhere, you are all dressed up. Where are you going so early in the morning?" Amma asked me lovingly with a tinge of surprise in her voice.
" To the hotel, Amma. I have to bring Anita here"
" But why so early? Aren't you going to have breakfast?"
" No, Amma, I will have breakfast in the hotel. I hope there is no curfew today, Babuji?" Babiji looked up at me as if he was noticing me for the first time.
" Nothing in the papers about any curfew but you know how it is these days, a curfew can be clamped any time anywhere. I know I can't stop you from going so no point in trying. Take an auto, I am sure you will get one at this time and if you see any disturbance on the way, just turn back, understand?"
" Yes, Babuji, I will be careful, don't worry" While I was talking, Khalid had already put a tray in front of me. There were two rotis with butter and a cup of kehwa. I was not hungry, how could I be under the circumstances but I gobbled up the whole meal in no time at all, as if I had not eaten for years. Maybe, it was because I was in hurry to leave.
" Don't you need any money?" Babuji asked just as I was about to step out of the room. It dawned upon me that I had no money left, my pockets were empty. Whatever money I had brought from Amritsar had already been spent. Without waiting for an answer, Babuji took a wade of currency notes out of his pocket and gave them to me as he used to do during my school days. I grabbed the money and marched out of the room without any thanks, namaskar or anything. It seemed I had become completely selfish.
I walked out of the house to find the road completely deserted. The only people I could see were the men in uniform with guns in their hands. My heart sank. I thought it was another day of curfew. How would I reach the hotel? If it was really a day of curfew, there was no way I could manage to go past the security forces. I decided to walk towards the main road from where I would take an auto rickshaw. I walked slowly, knowing fully well that soon I would hear someone shouting me to stop. No one did. I reached the main road and was relieved to see a few shops open. There were people around and some civilian vehicles were also moving around. So there was no curfew. I heaved a sigh of relief.
It was all very well to feel good about there being no curfew but would I be able to get a conveyance for reaching my destination? The city bus service and the other means of local transport had been severely affected by the troubled situation in the city. Apart from some private cars, the only other vehicles visible were the army ones. I stood for a while, looking to my left and right for any signs of a taxi or an auto rickshaw but I could see none. Would I have to walk it? It was about ten kilometres to the hotel. Walking the whole distance was not much of a problem but it would take a long time and my impatience was-growing. But if I failed to get any means of transport, did I have any alternative? None at all. so I decided to start my long walk with a strong hope that on the way I would certainly find something . I turned left and started walking. A couple of people who knew me asked me where I was going . I told them I had some work. They warned me to be careful. A sense of fear pervaded the atmosphere. It was very much palpable. Not many people moved out of their houses.
Karan Nagar had been a predominantly Pundit colony. There were very few Muslim houses in the area. The shopkeepers were all Muslims but they came from other areas of the city. The huge houses to my left and right were all deserted. Not a soul resided in them. The hustle and bustle that I had been used to was sadly missing. The fear of being killed had forced the inhabitants to leave their homes and the sight of all these vacant houses made me feel terribly sad. The road, which used to be teeming with people rushing to their offices, looked lonely and forlorn. There was a lot of movement but it was the movement of the security forces and the sight of them filled me with fear. It is really a scary sight to see armed men all around you. I knew any time somebody in uniform would accost me, search me, ask me questions and may be even detain me. Although I had the comfort of knowing that Kashmiri Hindus were not harassed, it was little solace to me as I had already faced the wrath of the men in uniform twice.
Curious glances were thrown at me but no one stopped me. I had reached Neelam cinema, which was closed, like all the other cinema halls in the city, I saw an auto rickshaw parked by the side of the road. My hopes soared. Now I would reach the hotel in no time. I looked for the driver but there was nobody to be seen. My eyes fell on the cinema hall. It was in a good condition. Someone had told me it had been renovated sometime back. I recalled the number of times my friends and I had rushed here to see a new movie. But now there were no movies to be seen. Watching movies had been declared Un-Islamic by some fanatics. It saddened me. Had never imagined such a thing happening in the serene and peaceful environment of the valley.
"Kya hazTchev vichan?" The voice caught me by surprise. I looked to my left and right but could not see anyone. I turned around and there he was. A young man in his thirties, wearing a pheran, although it was not cold enough for such a dress but pherans were the common choice of people, even in the summers. The difference being that the summer pherans were not made of warm material, just light cotton. This man seemed to be wearing a cotton pheran.
" Sallamvallekum" I greeted him.
"Vallekumsalaam' he replied in a pleasant tone." Are you a Kashmiri Pundit, you certainly look like one?"
" Yes, I am "
"Yeath kya tchuk karaan'? (what are you doing here?) " Didn't you leave the valley with the others?"
" That I will tell you later, is this auto yours?"
"Yes, it is.Planning to go to the bus stand or the airport?" I could sense heavy sarcasm laced with resentment in his voice. I wanted to talk to him, ask him lots of things but at that time, my mind was elsewhere. All I wanted was to reach the hotel.
" I want to go to the Boulevard. Can you take me?"
" Oh, so you want to take a shikara ride at this time? Great." Again being sarcastic.
" I want to go to Hotel Lake View, I have to meet some friends. They are waiting for me."
" Fine, hop in. will take you" His attitude had changed, I wondered why.
" How much?" I asked
" Just a 100 rupees, punditji, I am not going to over charge you." I was in no mood to haggle. I was happy to have got a conveyance. I jumped and asked him to hurry up.
There were very few vehicles on the road and most of them were army ones. It was almost nine and this time the roads should have been bustling with life, people rushing to work, people standing in corners exchanging gossip, vendors selling fish, vegetables etc.. these were the sights of yore that I remembered but today all that was missing. Srinagar seemed to have lost its life. As we crossed the Badshah Bridge, I looked at the waters of the Jehlum below. The Jehlum looked calm and serene oblivious of the happenings around it.
I would have loved to stop and walk on the road which I had trodden many a time in the past but my mind was completely pre occupied. I wanted to reach the hotel and confront Anita and Prakash. I wanted to know the truth. Most of all, I wanted to meet Anita, I was craving for a glimpse of her. God, it had been a long time since I had seen her last.
" Didn't you leave with the others?' I heard the auto rickshaw driver ask.' All of you have deserted your homeland, don't you feel bad about it?"
I was about to answer that they were the ones who had forced us to leave but controlled myself. The man seemed to be a friendly kind of a fellow and why blame him for what had happened?
" No, I did not" I answered.
" Where is your house?"
"In Karan Nagar", I replied.
" As far as I know, all KPs have left that place, all your houses are lying vacant and a lot of them have been occupied by the army. Which part of Karan Nagar is your house in?"
I was least interested in talking but I gave him all the details.
"Oh, you are from the Magazine family. Bobji (Babuji) is your grandfather. I know him very well. He has ridden in my auto many a time, sitting exactly where you are sitting mow. He is a great man, Everyone respects him. But everyone has left him, only he and Amma stayed behind so who are you?" There was a hint of suspicion in his voice.
" I told you I am his grandson. You are right, everyone left but I was not here so how could I leave/ I have come to take them from here."
" Ha Ha Ha... good luck to you then. They will never leave their beloved Kashmir"
By now, we had reached Dal Gate. There was some activity here, lots of activity in fact. People were buying vegetables, fruits, milk and many other things. There was a sense of urgency among them. They seemed to be in a tearing hurry.
" People are in a hurry because they are not sure when the next curfew will be imposed" The driver seemed to have guessed my thoughts. I wanted to ask him a lot of things but not at that time.
We took the turn towards the boulevard and soon the Dal Lake was right in front of me. It was a beautiful sight, the waters of the lake and the Zabarwan Hills in the background used to be one of my favourite scenes of beauty. But beauty was not what I had come to enjoy. To my left was the lake and to my right were the hotels and other buildings. My eyes were searching for The Lake View when the auto came to a halt.
" Here is your Lake View hotel, Punditji. Don't spend too much time here, you never know when trouble might erupt" There was clearly a note of warning in his voice. I took out a 100 rupee note and gave it to him. He didn't take it.
"No, punditji, no money from you, not from Bobji's grandson." I tried to persuade him but he was adamant. His no really meant no.
I turned around and saw the hotel. It was big one. Prakash belonged to a rich family, no cheap hotels for him. I almost ran inside and stopped only when I reached the reception. A man was sitting behind the counter, reading a newspaper. There seemed to be no one else around.
" Excuse me"
He looked up, with a look of surprise on his face. Obviously, he had not not expected any customers at that time.
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" I suddenly realised that Prakash had not given me his room number as we were suppose to have met at the reception area itself.
" You have a Mr. Prakash staying here. Would you please tell him that Lalit is here to see him. He is waiting for me".
"Mr. Prakash? But he checked out yesterday along with the young woman."
" Checked out? How is that possible? He had asked me to meet him here" I said, a little bit in panic.
" I don't know, sir, but they left yesterday. I remember very clearly because we have very few guests these days"
" Where did they go, did they shift hotels, do you know which hotel they went to?'
"Sir, they did not go to any other hotel. They just left"
" How can you say they did not go to any other hotel?" I almost shouted at him.
" Because they took a taxi to the airport and they had tickets for the afternoon flight to Delhi"
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